Brother thank you because everyone's not able...

My brother-in-law is headed to Iraq for his 3rd tour... Yes, he has already spent 2 yrs of his life in Iraq... He is married to my sister and they have 4 children...Thank you brother for doing what it takes so that I have freedom...I will forever be grateful cause everyone is not able...

Bedside Ky Jelly Despenser...

Mist1 I just want you to know that I found that bedside lube dispenser for those ohhh so unexpected moments!

The Sh#@ that Plagues my Mind...

During my birthday week I did nothing but pretty much drink everyday. Alcohol was my theme for this years birthday. I thought if I drink a lot then I will not really remember my age or birthday and then it will be as if it didn't really happen, Right? Can we just say that I was on a liquid diet? Is there anything wrong with that? I think not. I went to a popular Wine bar in the valley last Wednesday (my actual B-day) with my girlfriend and proceeded to gossip about our misadventures in dating. Ohhh what fun!

Just tell me is it wrong to go out with a guy again even though he has a "Star Wars" room? No really seriously my girlfriend said she went on several dates with a guy who was 28yrs old and had a Star Wars room. His room was completely packed full of star wars action figures and life size cut outs. She told me that she was adamant about not-dressing up as Princess Laya. WTF? May the force be with him.

That sh#@ plagues my mind.

I decided that after all the alcohol that I consumed this I should at least go out and try to work off some of the extra calories. Let's just say that this morning I could hardly get out of the bed. You see sometimes I for get that I am old and I shouldn't just run sprints and tumble like I did when I was in high school. Apparently, I haven't used most of my muscles in a while and my body is turning against me.

The sh#@ that plagues my mind.

I have recently been contemplating many new changes, moving on and figuring things out. I am leaving my job. I will still be an ER nurse but I will just be going to different hospital around the valley. I figure how hard it can be going to a new hospital every day, never knowing when you’re going to work and following different directions daily. Really can I just say that I am directionally challenged? I get lost all the time. Hey, I am new to the valley I have only been living here for 4 years. Change can be hard, but I felt the need to try something new and possibly gain more experience. Hopefully the agency will understand that I get lost more than I get found.

Oh the sh#@ that plagues my mind.

I had way to much beer last night!!!

Click on x reminds me of my cheerleading days..enjoy

Oops I Did it Again...

In my never-dieing quest to educate my self, to to sound completely like I know what I am talking about even though I usually don't; I came across a book " The Catholic Girl's Guide to Sex". It never hurts to educate ones self on many topic, and I thought I might learn a little something new...

While buying this book I kind of felt guilty, you know in that "Catholic girl" kind of way; the way that you hear your Mother telling you that "good girls" do not mention or talk about sex ever. Shamefully, I paid for the book and took it to the gym to read as I worked out. On my way, I had to say three Hale Marys' just for buying the book.

When I got home from the gym I decided to put on my saddle shoes, white shirt and pleated skirt. I bought the whole get-up for my boyfriend last week, but that is a whole different story. I thought when in Rome right? I lay across my bed and as I read-on I had a flood of memories come back to me. I remember all thoughts school days talking to my girlfriends in the hallways and at lunch about the "deed" ohhh how we where so completely wrong... Remember when you thought you could get pregnant from going to 2nd base? Or remember all the prayers you had to recite for thinking or talking about being a bad girl? Or my personal favorite, "you can't get pregnant if the guy pulls out."

My mother never gave my sister and me a clue about getting our periods'. No, No I had to learn about the "Monthly Visit" from every young girl’s bible, "Are You There God it's Me Margret”. Then of coarse there was sex education in 9th grade. We used Bananas to practice putting on condoms, imagine my disappointment years later when I would actually see a penis.

I am sure sure that every Catholic girl's mother must have told them that "If you get pregnant it will be the end of your life". The extent of my Mother's sex talk consisted of “If you get pregnant I will throw you out of the house and disown you". What can I say she was great at communicating and just knew knew how to make you feel so special and loved.

And these are the days of my life....

This Hurts I Swear...I Swear...

Recently my girlfriend has ventured out into the single world. I wish I could say that I was envious of this endeavor; however I am so blissfully happy in couple Dom that the endless amount of different hook-ups, different sized peni and random dry humping (apparently one have an orgasm this way) doesn't appeal in any way, shape, size (tehee) or form.

It is a good thing, however that I can help point my girlfriend in the right direction because because I always can talk about feelings with this friend. I sometimes tell myself that I am a relationship expert. I do, I know only for other people of coarse because we all know that when it comes to my relationship I can only fight via e-mail and I can never never let my boyfriend know how I feel. I'm sure if I told him how I really felt it might kill kill kill me dead; I might die. I expect him to read my mind instead. What? What's wrong with that? He is really starting to get the hang of it; good job "Engineer guy". I might be kind of delusional when I think about being a relationship expert, but work with me people. I am a trained professional (I laugh professional) ohhh if only they knew.

Any who, back to my girlfriend. I have to say fellow bloggers this is pretty painful to report, but my friends, family and poor boyfriend know that they are subject to being blogged about at anytime or situation; it is part of my charm. I keep telling my boyfriend he is famous in blog land and I am sure that he is almost falling for it. (well after that last blog and all) Score!

My Girlfriend has been texting me, calling me, reporting to me every EVERY detail of her now infamous 2-day relationship with the new guy. What can I say it has been a week of scandal?

Girlfriend: After our last make-out session you all know, where ummmm he gave me an A+ for my wax job. He has not called me. Do you think after 2 dates I went a little too far? Is this that double standard thing again?

Me: Well, you did have an orgasm dry humping; I wouldn't call it a total failure just yet. Isn't there like a 2-day rule when he is not suppose to call?

Girlfriend: I hate that rule. I am really just used to them stalking my every move and spending every free moment trying to spend time with me. You know hundreds of texts, frequent calls and many e-mail.

Me: This makes my brain hurt. So, really that didn’t work for you in the past. Why not? You know come up for air every-now-and-then. Step out of the box...see your friends...Me Me Me

I get the dreaded call yesterday...this part kills me.

Girlfriend says: I know why he didn't call back. He sent me an e-mail.

Me: Oh no not the death my e-mail?

Girlfriend: Yes, he says that I had really bad breath both times he made out with me for like 8 hrs, he suggested that I floss more.

Me: No way...well let's just say it didn't stop him from getting fresh with you. tehee fresh...

Girlfriend: Yeah I made an appointment with the dentist. I am soo embarrassed.

Me: "thinking" (okay this is a really bad excuse. He just wasn't into her and worse he was mean about it). What could I say?...for once I was a loss for words. I said, well your beautiful I never have smelled bad breath on you (this girl really takes care of herself I had a hard time believing this). Of coarse I never made out with her, but still I thought this was kind of cruel. I said, keep me informed I am here for you.

Girlfriend: I'm okay I'm not sure if I want to see him again, I really liked him.

Me: Scquez me? Are you kidding me? What is wrong with her? Painful...just painful.

So, I did what any girl in my position would do I called boyfriend and ask him if I have bad breath?

Engineer guy says: "Honey your breath is always horrible, but the sex is too good not to call you."

This from a man that loves me for my scallops. Yep, he definitely loves me.... its sooo obvious.

This I know to be True...

1. I am a crazy girl, stepping out of the box is my usual style. My boyfriend is aware of this thanks goodness he's into crazy.

2. Apparently one can have an orgasm just dry humping. My girlfriend called me this week to give me this news...who knew?

3. Apparently one can dry hump most of the night away and never even come close to knowing what size the guys peni is? My girlsfriend and I talked about this very subject for I donno 5 hrs staight. My boyfriend was out of town this week I had to entertain my self some how. Don't worry sweatheart...we had to discuss your peni too. What can I say it is the rules...Don't worry honey I told the truth....Swing..

4. You cannot stop me, you cannot destroy me for I am the cockroach of love.

No really she thinks she looks good....

The apple does not fall far from the tree...

OMG what I have to look forward too:

My Ma has had the same hair style for like 20 yrs the 80's are OVER with. Please someone tell my Ma that perms are, I repeat perms are not in style. I tell her that you shouldn't color and perm your hair at the same time, but she doesn't listen to me. She tells me that she needs the perm for body and color cause she has premature grays. Ummm, sckewz me but ummm arn't you in your 50's premature Ha! Put down the aqua net, bangs are defininately not in Ma. She says she need the big bangs to take away from her wrinkled forhead. Okay I say, but ummmm do they have to be like 5 inches High.

Please say that you can change your destiny or I am going to end up with a perm, high bangs, jellies, boobs out (oh wait a minute I already do that) and short short skirts that I have no business wearing. Please when the apple falls let there be wind....

Hey Ma You Never Fooled Us...

My exercise for the day consisted of driving to the grocery store and caring bags up the flight of stairs to get to my very roomy 500 sq feet apartment. While in the grocery story, I was reminded that while growing up my Mother was the king of queens when trying to convince my sister and me that indeed what she cooked was really chicken in disguise.
Here is how it would play out. My Ma decided for what ever reason that she would feed her blessed 2 young daughter a organ other wise known as the cleaner...I mean really what was she thinking really what was she thinking. Now we all know that this particular organ has an aroma that can never, I repeat can never be mistaken for chicken. My Ma would bread and fry it up, she would chop it up, she would even try cooking it in the crock pot as if to fool my sister and I...trying to make us think it was pot-roast. But I, I never was fooled by the concoctions that she would come up with. I always knew Mother...always that indeed the supposedly “meat” she was cooking was Liver...Nop never fooled no matter how much she tried to convince us... She would try and sell us the dinner by insisting that the liver was infact chicken... I had no choice but to feed the liver to the dog...and even then sometimes the dog wouldn't eat it...

I would like to say...

I would like to say that I have a problem...I know I know your shocked,,
When I am work I can't control it...I some how takes over me and I feel the need to reach for it..
Oh I am sorry...your having chest pain..I reach for it
Oh your numb on the right side of your body...you have had a stroke before..I reach for it
Oh you can't breath..hold on a minute..I need it
I am a Bath and body mentha lip tint -a -holic
I know I know it is a serious problem...I have called a therapits
You see I am always so worried that people will say you know that nurse...she has shitty breath..
The lip balm is just so minty and fresh...

Good times in Florida

Notice who has the biggest beer...ahhh here I am with all my peeps that the release party of Shanemeade.com...soooo much fun. I would share the other pics but ummmmm they are of me dancing all you can see is my butt...

Sucess

"Life is a sucession of moments. To live each one is to succeed." -Corita Kent



Can I just be cheesy here for one moment. Good I thought so. This past year has been a year of complete growth and change. I left someone who I loved so deeply and I never thought I would find someone as wonderful as him. "Fire guy" Thank you for sharing just a glimps of time with me it was life changing. My current boyfriend is soooo sweet, kind, loving and just soooo great. Success does it really have to do with how much stuff we have, what class we see ourselves in, what kind of friends we have?? I just got back from Florida, met some really amazing people, stayed with my boyfriends friends and they were soooo great. I wouldn't change that experience for staying in a five star hotel, because we were living in the moment. Sharing the experience of really enjoying all the wonderful things about each other. Yes, success should be measured by the people that love you in your life, measured by the way that you live your life, and by the gifts that you give back to one another. Yes, in a day in age where it seems that people will judge one by the car that they drive or by the purse they carry. I am standing against the man...my life I hope will be measured on the people I help, the love that I have for my man and I will never judge him no matter what comes our way, the kind of mother I am, ( i live to torchure the kid with my information) and by the people that love me. I hope all of you will do the same, live in the moment...be successful

Country Girl Code

The Code: Code name Maverick (we will get into that later) Just imagine the song "Take my breath away" playing ever so delicately... distant in backround (the fan blowing my hair just so) and me writing this in my cowboy boots and nothing else.

Rules:

Rule #1. Drink Beer

Rule #2. Drink a lot of Beer

Rule #3. Find a country boy from West Virgina and Drink Beer

Rule #4. Fly to Florida to See your Man's home boy play Live, be astonished at talent of the Band and Drink a shit loads of beer.

Golden Rule: Shanemeade.com (you guys really got to check this shit out)

Rule #5. Become a West Virgina fan by default (your man 's from there you have no choice) OMG did he say I didn' t have a choice...I love it when he says that the more beer I drink...

Rule #6. Get pneumonia before flying to Flordia to see your man's home boy play live and still drink a ton of beer and party till like 4:00 am...

Rule # 7: Go through alcohol withdrawl the day you fly back to the desert and decide yep you definately need another beer...

Just a Couple of Tid Bits

I woke up yesterday at 3:30 in the afternoon (hey I worked the night before) I got all glammed up(you know boobs out) and rushed to my boyfriends house to watch the Super bowl with our friends and I awoke this morning not knowing who won.

Apparently, the bottle of wine I drank had something to do with that. I wondered if I had fun? I scratched my head pondering the fact. My boyfriend did not complain about me embarrassing him this morning. Maybe he doesn't remember either.

I then wondered if he poked me with his channel changer, I think he did. I did not ask, I thought that he could keep that one for himself. I have been told that there is a difference between having intimate relations with Drunk darn girl and sober darn girl.

Really? It must like getting 2 girls in one...how lucky is he.

Just a Few words...no worries I'm okay

While working I almost got beat up by someone who refused to believe he has Gondaloria..

Don't worry I treated him anyway with the shot...

I some how broke my thumb off...
Don't worry it wasn't really broken off...but definatley swollen and bruised..
I lost the fight with the weights....trying to keep up with my new diet...

I was sent this story in the mail. I thought I would share the smile.

Good pick up line

A Navy pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" The Navy pilot explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...." "The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" The Navy pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

kand that's all I got for ya!!!

Some Things Gots to Change Around Here...

Whilst in Dallas I was can you say a lump on a log. I think my Father the Marine would be sooooo disappointed in me if he knew how lazy I have been this past week. I mean it I swear, I swear things are going to change before I can like fit into my skinny jeans (I am pushing it). Semper Fi Amy Semper Fi, Suck it up as my Father would say. I say to my self, "Self I think I can I think I can". The following is in no particular order.

1: Masturbate at least once a week, hey this is not not for sexual pleasure I swear, it is to release chemicals in my brain that will help me reach homeostasis. ( You brought that right?)

2. Go to the Gym at least 4 times a week. If I start to slack I am going to kick my own arise and I will not let my self Masturbate as punishment and then you know that means....no homeostasis ..I swear it is not sexual I swear...

4. Eat better food. Why my fridge right now has plenty of raw veggies...I am forced to eat them I have nothing else, unless I start to eat my own arm off. Which in case I am kind of vain and need my arm. I have every variety of Rice cakes -that is known to all man in my cabinets (but they taste so good I swear).If I try to cheat, I will not allow myself to masturbate and we all know what that means no homeostasis...It's not sexual I swear...

6. Wright down everything I'm not anal'; will not wright down what I eat so surly I will not eat that much...

7. And there you have it, some things got to change around here...

A Couple of Reasons Why....

So, I am in Dallas the Big D for a couple of days, suddenly a flood of memories come over me and I realized why I left.

One year for my birthday I agree to go on a date with a new guy. He picked me up in a plush red crushed velvet interior, no airconditioning, old beat up car. The car started smoking as we left the safety of my house. Before the car caught on fire we made it to the restraunt. After my date put out the fire (I might ad that I was not impressed with his firefighting techques), we decided to eat and have some alcohol(to kill my embarrassment, lots of alcohol cause it is the answer for everything). After my date had several drinks, he disclosed the one thing that would seal the deal( Seal his fate forever as if the car ordeal was not enough). He told me he had a fake Ball...Nutt, Testical... Ballas, Nugget if you will...

And after everything that transpired he still had the Ball to call me...

I once Dated a Chiroprator who was from Canada that should have been my first clue. We met out at the cove. Fun, times my girls and I were living it up having some drinks when he swept me up in his Adam Sandler (before he was fat) looks, and crack up personality. Hey I like to laugh and I was getting ready to go to Nursing School we had a lot in common. The he took his hat off. OMG No, don't say it. The man was not even 30yrs old and he had a toupee. Oh it was a expensive toupee (can you say Epoxy , GLUE to his head), He would get the old ""Hair Cut", wink wink...every 6 weeks ( I might ad that he was extrememly emotional for this event) . After I had gone out with this guy for a couple of months. Hey, he was fun, nice, successful, and I thought if I pretend that it wasn't there then maybe it was just a figment of my imgination. One day he comes to me and says I have something to tell you...I say please don't tell me cause then cause then it will be true...

I couldn't handle the truth Jack..I just couldn't handle the truth...
(I have affinity for the Movie, " A Few Good Men")

One time one time...Okay you getting the picture...I have been on a lot of bad first dates and dated of couple of guys that were can we say questionalble at the very least. Hey, I'm a nice girl it could happen to anyone...a toupee here and there...a fake ball ever now and then...

Go figure?

At 86yrs Old I Think You Might Be....

The other night I walked in a patient room as I always do...
So, tell me what is going on with you??

86yrs old: you have beautiful teeth, I used to be a dentist, and that was when dentist did surgery and why I even help birth babies.

Me: Wow, thanks want to tell me why your here today.

86yrs old: You have really nice hair, who does your high lights.

ME: I do my own hair thanks, ummmm you want to tell me what's wrong with you tonight?

86yrs old: You have beautiful long eyelashes, you know I graduated 2nd in my class when I when to dental school. The only person that beat me was a guy that was a MD first.

Me: Really, so are you having chest pain tonight is that why you are here? (His daughter is at the bedside urging her father to tell me about his chest pain)

86 yrs old: You have really nice boobs too...

Me: skews me?...I laugh did he just say that you have really nice boobs?

And there you have it...86yrs. old man I think you just a little too old for me, but thanks for the complements...

This is Why I am Messed up...

Me: Ma do you have to be topless in the swimming pool (my mother has Double D's to die for and still standing at attention; she knows this) I think the neighbor is looking at you through the fence.

Ma: What the neighbors never seen boobs before? It's hot out and I am in my own back yard.

Me: Ma please put at least a T-shirt on...

Ma: No...Porque it hot that's why...

Me: I give up. This is what is wrong with me...

Hey "GYM GUY" that white skin tight shirt that you wear the the gym is not attractive...
I just thought I would put that one out there...

I Said It...I'm Such Dork

It is the ever so sequential moment in a person’s life where one opens their heart and tells their Boyfriend/Girlfriend that they indeed LOVE them..

Thoughts of you that know me know that I am not about feelings( Damn it Jim I’m a Marine). I would rather eat grubs in a rain forest, I would rather strip naked and go streaking through the parking lot (Oh wait a minute I think I have already done that not so painful), I would rather be subjected to watching basketball for 48 days and nights(I can only handle so much beer at one time), and I would rather make out with David Hasselhoff…okay let’s not go that far.

I would rather do all of thoughts things than tell “Engineer Guy” in person that I really Love him. It is a mystery to why I can tell all of the blog world my most intimate details or share the gross stories of my life (like when I was shit on at work, hold on Steve I am getting to that story).

I have obsessed about this moment for the last month. I knew that the time would come that I would have to really tell him how I feel about him. Here is the problem we both are people that have a hard time with talking about our emotions. I was a dinner with my girlfriend the other night and she says to me, “I don't understand all of the text messages you guys send to each other” or the fact that when I really have to tell him something personal I must write to him via e-mail. I tell her I am not sure; it is like I need a filter. I need to filter my feelings through any means necessary. What’s wrong with me?? She is unsure, but offers the fact that I am from Arkansas. I concur.

So, Love was in the air the other night, and I was feeling somewhat brave (I think that is the wine talking). My sweetheart is of town right now with a cold and runny nose(my poor baby). I am feeling he needs a little bit of my love. I think it is time to tell him that I love him. I open my phone to call him, then decide I should just text him (thank Goodness for technology). I write, “I love you J” and there you have it. The moment I have been obsessing over for the past month or so. He writes back, “ this is not how I imagined telling you, but I love you too”.
Awe, he loves me too. Yep, we are in touch with each other. He’s from the country too. I think this is how all country folks relay their feelings for each other…Awe, My heart skips a beat he loves me...

I'm such a dork...