Thursday, June 29, 2006

This is on my T-shirt

You can't not break me, you can not crush me....

For I am the cockroach of love....

That's it He Must Have Gone Crazy...

I knew it....that is why he parked his behind in front of the TV to play halo for hour and hours upon no end...

He must have gone crazy..

"Mister Guy" left town yesterday I had to see him because I commited to watching our dogs while he was off experiencing the world..before he left.... he in deed found out that I went to
Veva Las Vegas...Ohhhhh yeahhhh...Veva Las Vegas...

He must have gone crazy is all I can think...

He says to me, "Do not ever wash your make-up off and wipe with my towels" apparently he is afraid that the water based mascara will not come out of his towels..(these towel are not like new or even expensive..but hey I will just like let my face air dry from now on)...

He says he thought he new me better and how could I go to Las Vegas with "Doctor Guy"??

I donno...he ahhhh like asked me to go and uhhhh who would turn that down??Hey "Doctor Guy" is really fun to be with...(more on him later)..

Then he rants and raves...so on so forth..ask me if I am really going to stay at the house or am I like going to run the streets with "Doctor Guy"....

He must have gone crazy...

So, here is my question...why does he care right now...didn't I spend countless hours trying to get him to care...why now "Mister Guy"....

Why is it when you love someone and they take you for granted, it is only when others want to be with you that they all of a sudden care...

My mind is deboggled...that's it he must have gone crazy....

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I Can't Wait!!!!

He will be here on Saturday....

The most important person in the world to me...

The kid will be here at last....

Oh I know that he will drive me crazy. He will drive me up the wall...

Hey it's his job....

Ohhh I can't wait...Kid I love you....just don't stand to close to me someone will think your mine...

(he loves it when I say that)
I can't wait!!!!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Couldn'ty Have Made it Without Ya....

So, anyone who knows me knows that these past months have been really hard for me...

How have I made it out ALIVE...?

How have I not just sat in my robe all day long and like never taken a shower....?

How have I not just wasted away to nothing because I could not eat anything for days on end...?

How have I not just gone plain crazy....?

Well, My BFF...has listened to me endlessly....

We will call her" MBA girl" cause well I am sooooo proud of her...

She listened to me endlessly...She drank sake and ate sushi with me... while I talked and talked about my sorrows....

"MBA girl" has been there for me though thick and thin...yeah remember my worst date ever story...it was she that saved SAVED me.....

It was" MBA girl" that helped me pick my heart up from all it broken pieces...

It was "MBA girl" that reminded me about how much fun we had in the big D....

It was "MBA girl" that always picked me up from the airport.....

She is my BFF...She is beautiful, bright and one of the most loyal friends that I have ever had....

Hey "MBA girl" it has been a pleasure and blessing to have you in my life...I can only hope that I give you as much as you give me!!!!...and "MBA girl" I am soooo happy that we have grown so close and that we have not let the distance between us...come between us....
You mean the world to me and I believe I am a better person to have you in my life....

I am soooo proud of you...your support has meant so much...

Case in point: To all those BFF out there...thank you from the bottom of our hearts for listening and supporting us endlessly...what would we do with out you!!!!!

This Poor Guy.....

So, this morning I check my e-mail and what did I find???.....

Ohhhh I felt so bad for this guy...he was actually very nice looking and he must be sweet to stick this out....This story is too juicy for me to hold back on....so here it is folks...he met here from the internet dating site....I had a really good laugh on this....you'll feel sorry for him too.....

"Here's my funny-traumatic story. If ever in my life I need therapy, this will be why. I answered and email I received on Match from a girl who claimed to be my type. After reading her profile I decided she seemed pretty down to Earth and funny. We emailed each other a few times and decided to talk on the phone. She seemed very high energy and pretty hilarious. We decided to try a first date. I suggested dinner. She claimed she likes to make first dates unforgettable and wants to have a "pajama party" at her house. Yes red flags went up in my head but I do give people the benefit of the doubt and the suggestion did fit her personality. I however told her I wasn't comfortable going to a strangers house in my pajamas but I would dress casual and grab a movie on the way. The next day I receive and email from her detailing all of the pajamas she owns and she wants me to pick the pair she is going to wear..yes again red flag. I emailed back that I couldn't see them so I cant make that decision. So against better judgment I go through with the date. I arrive at her house and ring the doorbell. A few seconds later the door opens. There before me stands a 3' 5" midget in little kids flannel-snowmen pajamas and white high heel pumps. On top of that she had the brightest red lipstick on I have ever seen and it was not subtle as it was not only on the lips, but also kind of smeared around the mouth like she just got done drinking a gallon of strawberry Kool-Aid. So totally in shock but not wanting to make her feel bad I go in. We talk for a few minutes and I suggest we start the movie. Let me say that it's a little weird sitting next to someone who's feet don't extend past the edge of the couch cushion. So, you would think that it couldn't get worse....well it did. She goes to the kitchen and brings me back a drink, which I'm sure it looked like I needed. She claimed it was Cranberry juice and Vodka. I take a sip and decided it tasted a little strange so I set it down and we watch the movie. Towards the end of the movie she goes to the bathroom and I decide to pour the drink out because I wasn't really in the "drinking" mood. Well, sitting on the counter is the EXPIRED cranberry juice bottle. Not just a little expired either, the bottle had an expiration date of 1999. So now totally freaked out I wait until the end of the movie, which seemed to take forever, and excuse myself and go home. Needless to say I didn't pursue it past that date. She was correct, it was memorable!! Do you have any dates that bad?"

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

What the F@#$ Do You Do All Day.....

Here I am again writing a blog...why do you ask....

You see I have so much time on my hands since I have gotten out of school...I do not know what to do with myself…at best I am an amature writer but hey I love having a voice and I talk all the time anyway…so why not be famous in my mind in blog land…I mean I think some people read my blog and get a laugh….or are just plan grossed out (which in case I find just as good as a laugh)

So, people do not think that I will have correct grammar or that I will always spell things correctly…hey, hey hey I did that business enough in school….I mean what does having good grammar have to do with writing anyway??....you’re smart enough to figure it out I trust….

Here is how my day starts out...sleep late (hey, hey I work 12 hrs. shifts at night give me a break)...

I eat some kind of breakfast…this morning black eyed peas…ya grossed out yet?

I check my e-mail…of coarse erase all the old, unattractive, crazy men that might have e-mailed me due to my new internet dating site….

I then go straight to my blog…check other peoples blogs…I love giving my two cents…then re-read my blog…read other blogs then get a kick out of reading comments that are left on my blog or other peoples blogs…

OMG does this mean that I have no life?? Or does that mean that I have been bit by the blog bug and I can’t control myself…will I have to go to blog anonymous??

Addicted, addicted I tell you…I should know how to control myself right??



Mary Mary Quite Contrary....

While I am convinced that Mathew is secretly in love, in love with me and is just with what's her name until I get over "Mister Guy. I have decided to join the rest of the world and sign up for a well known internet dating site...(I know it is kind of cheesy...how else is a girl suppose to meet eligible men that I can chose to talk to simply by seeing a picture of them and reading their bios...and hey I will not usually be wearing my beer goggles)

Ahhh the dating scene...and let the games begin....

So, gosh I have been out of the dating scene for like a while now and still really am not ready to date...but you know it beats sitting at home each night mulling over my hurt feelings..writting blogs that are sappy instead of giving you people some dirt....something with substance...something that you probably are glad that happen to me instead of you....

So, where do I start..why oh why do all the oldest men on the dating site e-mail me??It clearly states on my profile that I would like to date someone who is not old..out of shape and not the age of my father...come onnn old men give me a break...Why just cause 1/2 of family is from Arkansas doesn't mean that I want to date a man that is like my fathers age or worse my grandfathers age...hey the rules of Arkansas do not apply to me anymore....I broke out long ago...

Okay then and why is it that the most unattractive guys e-mail me...really...I mean I am a decent looking girl...I'm fit...I have a good job even though I am still really poor right now...I mean do they think that I am blind...that I will actually read their profile even though they are really not good looking...I mean I had this one man who I swear looked like "Molegally in Lord of the Rings"(I think that is his name that creature that wanted the ring. that said,”my precious")He even had pointy ears...I was afraid...afraid I tell you....

It hasn't been all that bad...I have gone out with one guy that was actually intellegent and handsome and successful...I know...right you never get those combinations...what is wrong with him...maybe he doesn't like me...or maybe he is weird and I do not like him...I am suppose to see him again tommorrow night...I'll have to get back to you...let you know how it turns out...we did have a lot in common...he is from the country just like me...It could be fate...or I could just be crazy ...who knows...

I also have a date with a guy that seems to be very nice on the phone I talked to him like three times and I am going out with him one wensday...he called today...wanted to know where to meet...and then he said you can call inbetween the time that we meet if you want...what does that mean...Does that mean that he wants me to call him tommorrow..I mean the date is Wensday...or does that mean he wants to talk to me but does not want to call and bug me or am I just reading into it...who can figure out all these rules...I say date as much as I can...why not...I am really not ready for anything serious right now (except for you Q)...I just want to keep it light...

Oh another question I have is....when do you cross the line and have sex...I haven't been with anyone new in so long...I'm not sure I would know how to act....

Well...wish me luck and hey it would be nice..
Come onnn break a girl off something.....

Monday, June 19, 2006

OOD'DDDDD to the People that Mean so much

We were ment to live for sooo much more...we lost ourself...somewhere o-u-t-s-i-d-e...We were met to live..we were ment to live...Dooonnna...donnna..naaahhhhhnnna(sing with me people)

Okay so these might not be totally be the correct words to this song (hey I can't remember everything)but hey it sounds like the words...you get the picture people...(note:We were ment to live)*name of the song...I know it was hard for you to guess right?...okay you want a point to this blog right ....cause there is always a point...even if you do not get the point which might be the case if you read my blog....okay stay on tract...stay on track...(yes sometimes I have to talk to my self...hey at least I can admit it)

Have you ever had those people in your life that you just love soooo much...

Who listen to you endlessly...

Who love you even if...even if you throw-up on their red couch....

Who love you even if ...you tell them the same story over and over again...

Who love you even if ...they live all the way across the country....

Who love you even if...you wear gloves at work and put your fingers places that most people wouldn't go....(that was a good visionary statement hu?)

who love you even if...your not perfect and sometimes say things that may hurt them...but you did not mean to hurt them...and you say your sorry and they forgive you...

Who love you even if...you have not alway made the right decisions....

Who love you even if...occationally your feet smell (not me I'm just saying)

To Q...your the best friend a girl could ever have...thank you for being there for me...for loving me for me...for allowing me to be apart of your life...for wearing aviator glasses on the fire exit...for breaking out the Keith Sweat...for entering my life in a time when I needed you the most...for supporting me..for putting a smile on my face daily...for reasuring me that you care..for having a blog affair with me....thank you

To my sister...Ahhhh sister thank you for listening to me day in and day out...for sharing your life with me...for giving me great memories of last summer...for being a great sister to me...for forgiving me when I have wronged you...for letting me pick on you...for giving me such beautiful nieces and a cute nephew...for loving the kid as much as you do....your friendship and happiness mean the world to me...thank you...

Okay so here is the point...point in case...tell the people you love...how much they mean to you...life is soooo short...I am truely blessed...truely blessed

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Just something quick..OMG I am addicted I tell you...

Whilst talking with my sister today...she reminded me of the most gettoest day ever...

So, I like went to this private christain college...yeah it was in the getto...you know where people usually use shopping carts to carry all aquired belongings...ahhh yeah

Well last summer I was like moving on campus to anther apartment..on campus and ahhh yeah...I had to do it...I moved my stuff from one apartment to the other in a shopping cart...

And that people is my most gettoest day ever....

You Opened Up the Door for Me....

I woke up this morning remembering this song that "Musician Guy" wrote about me (we were together for 5 yrs...friends now, it has been 3 1/2 years since we have been together)..

Since I am on this new kick about remembering the beautiful moments in my life I thought that I would share the the lyrics to the song (he has written many about me..making me feel ooohhh soooo special) he has a beautiful voice ( think googoo dolls) he writes and plays his own music...

" you opened the door for me and I stepped in so couriously...not knowing the extent of your beauty....your wrapped your love around me with the blankets and sheets....you showed...you showed me love"

"I was young then quick to the thought of it"......Okay this is bad cause I could remember all of the song this morning and now what I draw a blank....

It must be writters block...or I block it out...Or I am a block...

Let's see ...hummmm okay...

" will never forget...I will never let go...just caught up in the responciblities .....does place in time ever rewind...looking back I would do all over again...I was young then quick to the thought of it...does this place in time ever rewind.....looking back I would do all over again...I will never let go...I will never forget"....

well you get the idea people...I hope that I did not butcher it too much...

We would hang out for hours on the weekends and he would play his guitar and sing to me...I was so captured by his talent and beautiful voice...I have always pushed him to do his best to write and get out there and be heard....he writes amazing christain music...

One day a while back...I was sad about "Mister guy"...he called me and left me a song on my voice mail..(it was one about me)...I text him and said thank you for making me feel so special by writing music about me...he text me back and said, "Your special with or with out my songs"...ahhhhh remembering thoughs beautiful moments in my life....

Friday, June 16, 2006

The God of Wine..Comes Crashing Through the ...

Head lights of car...

What was I thinking...no seriously what was I thinking..
I drank three Martinis...okay these Martinis were not any ordinary Martinis they were like drink ing old fashion Wisky that your Grandma made out in the woods...

I think I must have thought that I needed to drink them because I ate pork last night and well...after seeing the guy with the worm in his brain(from the undercooked pork)I must have thought that I needed alcohol to make sure that I killed any floaters in my stomach...

I think it must have worked because OMG my stomach is killing me today...my head was cursing me this morning while I was in class listening to lectures on chest tubes...I got it...I got it never pull out a chest tube...never clamp a chest tube...where is the bathroom???

Sister seriously...thanks for listening to me today....I do not think I could have made it through the day without telling you my story...What was I thinking???

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Remembering the Beautiful Moments in my Life...

When I was in high school I had this great boyfriend who's family was soooo wonderful to me...We spent ever free moment together...His mother was a nurse and of coarse she had a big part in my decision to become a nurse...He went off to West Point for college and we kept in touch all four years and saw each other at the holidays...soon it was time for him to to go to Germany because he had become an officer and a gentleman...

My memories of him....

He used to sing prince to me all the time (note he could not sing, and I found it hard to break it to him) He would swear he sounded just like prince....ah what we do for love...I did not have the heart to break it to him....so I listen as if he was Prince (sign at the time)...hey "Football guy" It did not matter to me that you totally did not sound like prince...I loved ya anyway!!!

He used to tell me..." If you can love the one you want, love the one your with"... he would say that jokingly of coarse but it still brings a smile to my face....Hey "Football guy"...I still only want to love the one I want...

He had three sisters and when his mom would bring the groseries home he would totally hide all the good food from his sisters and claim that if he did not do it ...then they would...hey "Football guy it was me that ate the last oatmeal pie...not your middle sister....

He loved his mother but for the life of her she could not cook...we would wake up in the morning and she would offer us breakfast....anything that we wanted...pancakes(not all the way cooked and definatly not round), eggs...(OMG they only came runny and under cooked Yuck)...you name it ...she somehow could not cook it....ahhh but we loved her anyway...Hey "Football Guy's" mother we did not eat your cooked food but we gave you an A for effort....

He was a virtous young man and could not be swede in his believe system...he came from an affluent family...however I did not... but he never treated me as if I was not good enough...Hey "Football guy" I always felt your love...

Sometime looking back at your life put things in perspective....we were young...we were in love...but it came time for us to let go...he was truly a wonderful...young man ....he had a big impact on my life...and I on him....I know truly that he turned out to be a wonderful Officer and gentleman.....Hey "Football guy" I will never forget thoughs beautiful moments in my life....

Monday, June 12, 2006

P.S. remind me to write about this...

Ahhhh yes, I know what else I was going to say today...I was going to tell you
what happen when I got my mole cut off my back...

hey listen this is a great one I know it sounds gross...but then if your reading this you are familar with my style and it will not shock you...

One time One time...I went to the Dematologist and well I had an eraser size mole on my back that plagued me in my teenage years...I wanted to get it cut off...he said,"OMG it looks terrible I bet it really bothers you when you wear a bikini"
I thought to myself I did not think it was that bad untill just right now....okay let's cut it off...I then said I ummm (cough right here) have a ummm mole in my like front private part...

He said let's see it...ahhhh oohhhhh aahhhh yeah we are going to have to cut that off too...
I said how much...no lie...I swear this is the truth...

He said," For the low low price of 75 $ we can cut off the mole on your back and we will through the other mole in for free"

What...suze me...so I paid the 75 $
go figure?

Un-break my heart say you'll love me again....

Un-break heart say you love me again...un-due this pain in my heart that you caused when you walked out the door....(AKA me singing Tony Braxton) in the shower with no clothes on...and lots of soap (okay I am again getting off the subject) Stay on tract, I repeat stay on tract I try to tell myself....

So anyone who knows me would know my plith lately...I mean two and half year is a long time so I guess it does take a long time to get over things..I am starting to feel better...I decided that I could not be friends with "Mister Guy"after all...sometimes you just have to let things go...

My new adventure...hanging out with my new friends who absolutely crack me ... .so last night I went over one of my new friends house and what happen..I became the counselor...
I loved it...what is wrong with me...I talked to her for hours about how to start to change things in her life so that she would not be treated badly....

I was having visions of Oprah...like should I leave my job and move to Hollywood..become a famous talk show host that takes over for Oprah and then I will be a millionair and then....I will have a great boyfriend that can't live with out me...and then I will ....
Wait a min....okay that is highly unlikely but you know a girl can have a dream right...anyway I want to be a singer not a talk show host...and I really can only be famous in my mind because then... I will have people stalking me and well that has happen before and I am not even famous...I didn't really like it...

So, hear is my point of this blog...because well althought it seems purposeless...there is always a point..
Point in case: No more hanging out at ex-boyfriends house...it is just still to painfull...+ hanging out with new friends that make me laugh beyond believe.+..be friends with them thought the good the bad and the ugly= getting over ex-boyfriend and = happiness

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Three Martinis, and Two Beers

Three martinis and two beers..I think that is all it takes to get felt up at the bar....here I was minding my own business..talking to every one (hey I'm a friendly girl) ...and two girls came up to me we starting chatting with me...one thing led to another and and all of a sudden one of the girls had their hand down my shirt..feeling me boobs up....wow this hasn't happen to me in a long time... but hey I went with it...


go figure?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Is Wine the Answer??

Why is it that people call you and then have nothing to say...and you have to struggle...struggle to make conversation...I think that I would rather eat raw grubs...than have this happen to me..I think that I would rather eat ants....I think I would rather make out with David Hasslehoff...what a minute...no that is way to extreme...iksenxinay on the David Hasselhoff comment...nothing is almost as bad as that....

Is Wine the Answer???

Why is it that you care so much about a person only to have them...brush you off as if you never exsisted in the first place??? as if you are only a grain of sand in their ocean...that you are just a peice of dandruff under their finger nails....that you are no better than the toliet paper they wipe thier @## with....that you are not as wonderful as everyone else thinks and tell you that you are....(no I am not bitter)....

Is Wine the Answer??

Why is it that you only have to go number two when you are at work...I mean I do not know about you but I have to like light a candle and turn on mood music...I have to tell myself that it is okay and that "Every one is doing it"....I have to turn on the bathroom fan and hope and pray that no one while come home during my toliet "visit"...(okay just know that I only pee people nothing else...and if you smell anything that is ummmm"Mini"(my dogs breath)....

Is Wine the Answer??

Why is it that although I am out of high school I still still get pimples?? I mean didn't I suffer enought in high school?? Isn't there any good things that can happen to my skin as I get older?? Can't I go one month with out a break out??? I mean I know that I like to pick but only other people not my self...I get no joy out of the white head on my forehead...

Is Wine the Answer??

Why is it that my ex-boyfriend who I have not been with for like...almost 4 years has this dilution that we are going to somehow magically get back together and have like five kids...I mean I alway knew that I was not going to marry him...I alway knew that we were not ment to be together...I always knew that I was with him only because I was in a stage of my life...that I was like very dumb.....now that I am like an ER nurse he thinks that we like may have a future...he called me tonight that is why I am bringing this up...Hey "Musician Guy" little hint for ya....not going to happen...really not going to happen....

Is Wine the Answer??

Monday, June 05, 2006

The Break-up movie.....

I woke up this morning feeling sad...why do you ask?? Why is it that I can't get over him....
Why???I know that we are not good together ....I know that he does not meet my needs...it is so bad right now that I do not even what to see anyone else...why??? I have never felt that way before...I mean who doesn't like a lot of attention from Men that actually find you attractive and smart.
We went to the movies the other night...we saw the break-up movie...and it was like watching my relationship with him on screen...hey...Jennifer looked really good playing me.
I could not even enjoy the movies because it was kind of painful to watch....I have seen him problably more than I should....why why can't I let go....

What is it about him that I cling to so desperately is it the fact that he is successfull....arn't there any men out there that are successful that would be interested in me...a meer ER nurse that has a great sence of humor...that loves to pick...that except people for who they are???

Is it the fact that I just want him to tell me that he is sorry...that he cares...that I was good enough but that he just could not open up to me...because he was afraid...

I wanted to have a family with him...I really did...

When will this feeling of emptyness go away...when...thank goodness for my blog lover Q or I might never get over this...

I just want the feelings to go away...I want to make it thought the day being okay with the fact that he is seeking out other women at this time.....

arrrggggg relatioships...can't live with them can't live without them.....time to work out....maybe it will make me better...one can only hope.....

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Who new it could happen???

I awoke this morning with all of my troubles hanging on my back..Fighting warning me that they will never let go....Weighing me down like the "Hunch -back of Noterdamn"(shi'et I can't spell you get the picture)....
My mind was racing off all the things I must do today...All of the things that I have to deal with...ahhhhh the pressure of it all...I mean I am a professional right???(I am not really...I do not want to grow-up....Mom, Dad...Can I move in with you?) okay that is probably not the right answer...

Calgon can you take me away?? Can I move to a land far far away where I can eat grubs...and grow my own vegetable garden and never work and wear just like a loin cloth over my #@%$%?

Maybe that is not the answer either...Cause then I might get a bot fly in the rain forest...How do you get the bot fly?? What is the bot fly you ask?? Holy Shi'et....This is a whole other blog...I will get to that but for this purpose I will tell you that the bot fly bites you and injects it egg into your skin and then and then...It's larva eats at your flesh and causes your skin to get infected and then it sticks it's little antenna out to breath...Swear to God this happens...How do I know all this gross stuff...Come on it's me we are talking about....

So, I might get the bot fly...so I guess I will have to wear more than a loin cloth if I move to a land far far away...

So what do I do escape my mind...To desperately push off the Oger living on my back..Clawing on it...Clinging with all the might it has... Suggesting that I will never win the war...The battle of my mind..

I think of my one true love Q....Who knew it could happen to me??...I mean ...He is like my cruch....it is like I am attached to him by ways of my computer..(it could happen)...I wake up and think about him...how wonderful he is...how he makes me smile inside...how he has captured my heart in the last month or so...yes people it was blog love at first site..I know I did not believe that it could happen either...but it did...I mean I read his writings and I am touched..or I need to be touched...or I have to take a cold shower...one of the three...

I woke up this morning and when I thought of him...my love.... Suddenly I felt better...it is like what I tell my patients...here are the choices... this is what we can do..and this is what you can do..Worrying does not help...it is what it is.....handle it....handle it..(okay maybe I only tell myself to handle it)

So, Q thanks for helping me get the Ogar off my back...yeah so his big toe is still clinging for dear life...but this morning I thought of you living in the city...walking and seeing everything alive...making your dreams come true in a Big city where..the common person seems so so insignificant...yet you have captured my heart...

I guess that I wont run away to a far far away land because I bet that I will not be able to take my lap top...and then I will not be able to reach out to my one true love...and he might be grossed out if I get the bot fly...nahhh I know he will still love me anyway....