Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The tubing experience

Well it is summer again...Memorial day has come and passed..you know that means right??

The salt river is open again for business...ahhh the thoughts of tubing down the river for 4 hours with a cooler of a endless supply of beer attached to your tube.

Let's discuss the important steps to tubing down the river on a hot summer morning...

Find fun people to tube down the river with you...you must be willing to let your hair down and prepair to get dirty...

Get to the river and on the way and this is crucial people very crucial...stop and get beer...lots and lots of beer you do not want to run the risk of running out of beer...thus...you will have to show your boobs or package to elicit more from fellow tubers...

Get your tubes and remember to bring string...to tie them together with or you may run the risk of having to give up some of your coveted beer for string...

Ride the bus to the top of the float and the fun begins...

Remember that tieing the beer to the tube correctly is impairative...other wise you will go down the river loosing your precious gold and others will find and drink your treasure...

Sister called yesterday and we reminised about the last time we went tubing...OMG it was soooo much fun...four hours of drinking was pure pleasure....

heck...my sister even flashed her boobs and we still had beer...ahhhh good times

So sister when are we going back??

Saturday, May 27, 2006

I'm not dead I swear

Okay so I awoke yesterday just like any other day...I turn on my computer..I try to log on to the web...
and then it happened...OMG my computer is sick...
I wanted to die...I mean how could my computer do this to do this to me??
Haven't I been loving..haven't I told it how much I love it...
You do not know what I had to go though just to write this...I had to walk up hill in the snow...with no clothes on...OMG I almost died...

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I almost had an.....

OMG I almost had an Orgasm in the nail salon today....

I know what you are thinking...is that all it takes?... your toes in a bath filled will sea salts and soap??

Yes, people that is all that it takes these days(and well images of my blog lover Q)...

So, I walked in the nail salon that I usually go to and the "Nail Guy" had me sit in the Vibrating chair..(see there was vibration)..and he started giving me a petacure...YES!!!

OMG he was rubbing my leggs up and down...all around...
I was moaning yes right there...hehe not really i just thought I would put that in the story for effect!!!
But he was amazing...I said thank you "Nail Guy" I'll be back next week for another one of those Orgasms...
Go figure???

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Porque it's Hot That's Why

Tell me why?

Sometimes my dog drags her butt on the carpet?
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

I grow this one long black hair on the side of my face and I do not notice it to puck it till it has been there for sometime?
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

Sometimes my sister’s kids insist on eating a spoon full of butter?
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

When I was in high school my 20 yrs. old uncle married his step sister who was 15 yrs old?
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

The platypus has no nipples so it secrets milk though it skin and hair?
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

You would cut off your member and eat it and then ask when it is going to grow back?
(I swear this really happen…there sister I told the story)
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

That Taco Bell tastes so good after you have had too much to drink?
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

Sometime celebrities get cheek implants and their face looks weird and then they deny plastic surgery?
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

My sister remembers our childhood stories differently… she told me one time I made her pee on the floor of our bedroom because I had a boy sneak in our bedroom who was hiding under my bed and I did not want my Mom to find out??
(have no recollection of this story… maybe I blocked it out)
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

I once dated this guy who had a toupee and one day he said I have to tell you something…and I said please don’t tell me then it might not be true.
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

Please tell me why when I work out I sweat sooo much that my whole shirt and crotch of my shorts are soaking wet when I’m done?
Porque it’s Hot That’s Why

Friday, May 19, 2006

Sh@# that Plagues My Mind

Okay So I love love my mini pin doggy..she is so happy to see me when I come home…I mean she smiles like the dog in “The Mask” and twirls her long tail around so fast I think that sometimes she is going to fly away when she sees me….So why in the world when she starts to try to make out with me does she have the most rancid breath I have ever smelled?? I’m telling you it smells like death…

Call me crazy I bought her a tooth brush, doggy tooth paste that is suppose to taste like meat…doggy breath strips…

I brushed her teeth while see looked at me like I was performing an ancient Chinese torcher and well…no relief…her breath still smells like death…Mini I love you darling but I don't think I can take you trying to make out with me anymore….

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Obessed I tell you...Obsessed

Since my recent break up with my ex-boyfriend who treated me as if I was invisible
I have been Obsessed….Obsessed I tell you about my blog.

I think about what to write in my blog as I am driving in my car….I think about what to write in my blog as I am working out on the elliptical….I think about my blog when I am on the toilet…I call my sister and bug her about my blog…while I am getting ready to go out on a date…I think about my blog.

So I asked myself…self is this because you have felt invisible for the last year?? Should you be like Mariah Carry (without wearing the sluttish outfits) (okay one time I did but then your labeled) and sing the song spread your wings butterfly?? Is this like my metamorphous out of a tightly woven cocoon??

I pondered this idea for a moment and then I thought…that has to be it…okay so I will only play the song butterfly…cause if I sing it then I might really start to think that I sound good and then I might leave my job and move to California to become famous… and I really love my job so I don’t think that is a good idea.

So I have decided to just put it out there mister guy that wanted me to be invisible…I’m just telling it like it is from now and well…you can’t do anything about it..

I’m not bitter I just tell all you ladies out there to not waste the pretty…if your in a relationship that makes you feel invisible…you can leave just like me…and maybe you can even find a blog lover just like me…and maybe you can date 3 guys at a time and maybe you will only really like one of the guys…and you will like me try to figure out ways to not see the other 2 guys with out hurting their feelings….and then maybe you will find 2 other guys to hang out with that your actually attracted to…it could happen..

Go figure???

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

My family the pickers

It's true I am proof of it...The apple does not fall far from the tree.

So, anyone who really knew me would know that I (let me stand up) and say that I am a picker...I come from a long line of pickers and I have to say that my sister is passing this very trait on to her children...

You maybe asking yourself what is a picker??? (just know that half of my family is from Arkansas) ( that is my excuse for everything)

A picker is a person that loves to pick on their loved ones. Every boyfriend I have ever had is aware of that this truly means...I must inspect their head at least twice a week...Why you say?? I might find a pimple...And there for I must pick it...Hence the name picker.

I wish that it stopped right there...But no it does not!! I have even talked my girlfriends into letting me pull that unsightly hair on their chin or God for bid out of control eye brows!!!

This is just an example of the day and a life of a picker....Let me tell ya this is a true story...The love of my life (we will talk about him later, we are no longer together, but I like most will women will truly never get over it) okay where was I oh yeah...One time last summer my sister and a couple of friends including the love of my life were getting ready to tube down the river. My sister (also a picker) saw out of the corner of her eye a pimple on the love of my life's neck....And from no where she pulled out her keys as if they were a shiny knights blade and keyed his neck...That is right people she popped his pimple with her key...I said what just happen???? She said I could not help myself...And I said....Couldn't you just let me at least see it first...Sick I know... Like I said we have a problem.

For another example... Just in case you are not getting the idea that there are pickers like me and my family out there...I guaranty it!!!
My boyfriend that I just broke up with...You know the one that treated me as if I was invisible...Yeah that one...Well we had this ritual... Not one that you like light candles for or anything but you know something we did weekly...I would pick his head, back, chest, or what ever I could get my hands on...Fun times!!

Just for the record, he hardly had any pimples but you know I would pick random hairs to make sure that he stayed hair free (back and chest)( oh I am not getting a good mental picture..He was not hairy at all, I'm just saying the random hairs)well one day he had this really hard bump on the back of his neck and oh of coarse I was really happy to try to pop it but no...I got nothing..Days went by still nothing...I leave the house for like I don't know maybe 3 hours..And what happens he pops it...Tells me how great it was and does not even wait for me...Imagine that...I was sad....I'm still not over it...He sometimes brings it up still and I have that empty feeling all over again.

So you say that I must be crazy...What is wrong with her...I tell yah...I am not the only picker out there...I mean how do you think that I have enlisted all the guys I dated and my wonderful sweet girlfriends to allow me to pick them and then...They pick themselves too...And the whole process of transferring this obsession to someone else magically happens.

Case in point do I like being a picker?...Yes It is who I am.
and no I will not pick random people that I do not know...Unless I have contact and dropplet precautions on....

Go figure?

Monday, May 15, 2006

this really happen I swear

So, living in Mexico how bad can that be...I mean there is crystal blue water, sun all day long…margaritas …more margaritas…a couple of shots of tequila…
Sounds great right…ahhhh I am having visions of it right now.
Now here is where the stories goes bad…..
You happen to order pork at your favorite whole in the wall joint …OMG it is the best pork you have had with tortillas, beans and oh ya…in a burrito with sour cream and guacamole (that one is for you sister and we are not at Carl’s Juniors either)…then all of a sudden you have an ear ache…you would think that the pure alcohol that you have consumed would have killed it….I mean doesn’t alcohol kill almost everything??? No, the bad news is that someone got a worn in their head from eating uncooked pork.

Go figure???