Monday, January 22, 2007

A Couple of Reasons Why....


So, I am in Dallas the Big D for a couple of days, suddenly a flood of memories come over me and I realized why I left.

One year for my birthday I agree to go on a date with a new guy. He picked me up in a plush red crushed velvet interior, no airconditioning, old beat up car. The car started smoking as we left the safety of my house. Before the car caught on fire we made it to the restraunt. After my date put out the fire (I might ad that I was not impressed with his firefighting techques), we decided to eat and have some alcohol(to kill my embarrassment, lots of alcohol cause it is the answer for everything). After my date had several drinks, he disclosed the one thing that would seal the deal( Seal his fate forever as if the car ordeal was not enough). He told me he had a fake Ball...Nutt, Testical... Ballas, Nugget if you will...

And after everything that transpired he still had the Ball to call me...

I once Dated a Chiroprator who was from Canada that should have been my first clue. We met out at the cove. Fun, times my girls and I were living it up having some drinks when he swept me up in his Adam Sandler (before he was fat) looks, and crack up personality. Hey I like to laugh and I was getting ready to go to Nursing School we had a lot in common. The he took his hat off. OMG No, don't say it. The man was not even 30yrs old and he had a toupee. Oh it was a expensive toupee (can you say Epoxy , GLUE to his head), He would get the old ""Hair Cut", wink wink...every 6 weeks ( I might ad that he was extrememly emotional for this event) . After I had gone out with this guy for a couple of months. Hey, he was fun, nice, successful, and I thought if I pretend that it wasn't there then maybe it was just a figment of my imgination. One day he comes to me and says I have something to tell you...I say please don't tell me cause then cause then it will be true...

I couldn't handle the truth Jack..I just couldn't handle the truth...
(I have affinity for the Movie, " A Few Good Men")

One time one time...Okay you getting the picture...I have been on a lot of bad first dates and dated of couple of guys that were can we say questionalble at the very least. Hey, I'm a nice girl it could happen to anyone...a toupee here and there...a fake ball ever now and then...

Go figure?

14 comments:

Beth said...

ok, I'm looking at that picture and I'm trying to figure out what it is,,,,I haven't read your post yet...and I'm looking and I'm looking...

"Why, that can't be what I think it is...could it?"

ya, it was a ball. I love how you said he had the "ball" to call me again...!!!

My worst date, we went to a bar and the guy I was with got the crap beat out of him.....horrible.

Just telling it like it is said...

Beth I know the picture is somewhat shocking...my style of coarse...but I thought appropriate due to him ...ummmm replacing is heuvos...

Christina_the_wench said...

That photo is hilarious! You need to add a bad toupee one as well. ;)

Here's to no more bad dates, or at least one's with all their sexual organs.

mollymcmo said...

OMG that picture while strangely disturbing must have a magnet or something as it keeps pulling my eyes back to it! LOL!

m

Just telling it like it is said...

christina: that is next on my list to find...toupee...ohhh no more bad dates for me...

Molly:I know I have this picture on my frig...people that come over are instantly drawn to it and I am like what you never see a ball before...

p.s. who-evers ball this is did not know about man scaping...hello if your going to put it out there couldn't ya like shave it or at least nare it...

tsduff said...

Where is the other one? It is hard to look away.

Brian said...

Shedding light on one's one-nuttedness is not first date material. Not even second. Maybe third but first, c'mon!

Superstar said...

OH MY LORD...YOu have been hangin out with Molly Mc Mommy haven't you!
CRAP~said like REBA~
LOL ;o)
OH
MY
GAWD

We so have to get together...I swear we could laugh cry and pee all in one night! ;o)

Kevin said...

I have a friend who went on a blind date a few years ago and the guy ended up having a peg leg.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I can't believe he had the ball to call you either! (hee-hee) Girl, you are a riot! I am so glad I found your blog! I need a break from kid stuff. Reading your posts takes me back to my own frightening dating history! However, I never dated a guy with a fake ball. Of that, I am reasonably sure!

mist1 said...

I am so grossed out by that photo. I cannot look away.

Just telling it like it is said...

Brian: No shame in his game I guess.

Super: The true sign of friendship is when you can laugh and drink so much that you pee your pants...and it's not a big deal..send me an e-mail and we hang out!!!

Kevin: Was he a pirate too!!

Queen; I'm glad someone can laugh at my unfortunate luck...I think the guys that have something wrong with them gravitate to me or something...I'm sure I will find out something wrong with my new boyfriend and then and then I will have to let all of blog land know...poor guy he knows i write about him and he still likes me...

Mist1: Then I have done my job..tehee..

awaiting said...

I can't type right now...

I am still laughing my ass off!

briliantdonkey said...

Just found my way here via Mists blog. You can hold that against her but good luck banning her. I have tried and it doesn't work.

"and then he had the ball to call me"......without a doubt the funniest thing I have read today.

Could have been worse....he could have had a bald ball problem and gotten a toupee for IT you know. Or worse yet, done the two hairs left ball comb over.

Off to read some more.Okay talking about balls was SOOOOO NOT on my list of things to do today

BD