I am reminded...

Blogger's United...
This is where we all put our fists in the air and say turn that frown up-side down!!
I received a comment that reminded me that things could always be worse!!!
and that even thought things might seem dismal, even bleak; even things might seem as if everyday I might have to give a soap suds enema...
You can always just lube up with the J/Y and hope for oranges...
and so this too shall pass!!!
Today I turn things around. I am reminded that President Lincoln tried approximately 11 times (please don't quote me on that one my history is rusty) to become President before finally winning and becoming one of the quintessential Men of our day. He even had wooden teeth; I am assuming that was a good thing.
and just so you know J/Y jelly is good for many things other that it's intended use..
Yes...a trial by fire!!!
Thanks blog land...

This picture describes my life....

There was a photo of a man on a beach laying on his side with his testicals hangin out however I was unsuccessful at plublishing this picture...I am not sure why...so
until then you all are going to have to use your imagination!


In a nutt shell..Okay so maybe his nutt is not in a shell..Life, Liberty, and the pursue of happiness is what we all aspire to attain, but what makes us happy??For many years I have not given myself an option for failure. Failure, I repeat has not been an option, but as I would chose not to see it (because denial always has worked bestfor me) I have have done the almost impossible...Admission of failure to myself and some of the people that I love..I would love to go through life hard as a rock, solid in my own mind but I am no longer that Super woman that I was in kindergarden that my mother worked so hard to sew for me...I am indeed a woman that has some problems that I must face...How do you deal with making mistakes in your life I ask you old faithful readers of mine...I would like to of coarse talk about the last succces of my life the baseball size abcess that I... I &D'ed. I would love to talk about the yellow, green serioussangous fluid that oozed from the laceration that I inflicted, but even that story doesn't cheer me up...Tell me fellow bloggers...how have you successfully dealt falling short....P.S. I hope you enjoyed the pic of the day!!!

It's Official..I had to draw in my eyebrow

It's official...
and some un-offical rules:

A: I have finally become full on cholla (slang for Mexican girl born is USA or that grew up in east LA and hung out at echo park)(hey I don't make up the slang I am just trying relay the Mexican slang code as much as I can interpret myself)

or

B: I have turned into my mother.

Either way I look at it; it is like I have crossed some right of passage that most Mexican girls do when they are fifteen. The family throws a huge party that can be really tachy (as evidence of all the plastic flowers and not even the good kind that can fool the eye; the party is really expensive called a Quinceanera.Every girl wears a dress with fluffy pink shoulders that burry any sign of life and a princess train that is so cumbersome that one is unable to sit all night.I have actually seen girls fall over due to the sheer force of the Quinceanera dress. A force that was beyond the control of the matriarchal women in the family. It's like the ghost that is passed on from generations to generations. Most Mexican families swear that they have had a ghost living in their basement at one time or the other.

On my white Dad's side of the family (I am sorry should I have said the political term for white, Okay redneck side of my family came from Arkansas.)They also had a right of passage at fifteen. It was called, "Oh $#!+ I'm pregnant with my step-brothers child I better get married or my Dad is going to kill me" (a true story by the way)

So you ask yourself what could cause this right of passage. I was grooming my face 2 days ago when I accidently shaved off half of my eyebrow. $#!+ (my grandmothers favorite word in english). Now what do I do? I am perplexed how could I let this happen. So what did I do?

Like any Cholla girl would do I drew them on with a eyeliner stick. I was hoping by the end of the day that my new black eyebrows would not smug off, but I was unsuccessful at that endever. So with my smugged eyebrows I looked into the mirrow only to find that I looked like my Mother. Yikes I screamed.

Oh my mother is a beautiful woman at the age of 45 (the age she admits too), But she seems to get stuck in certain decades. I like to say that her eyebrows (think Pamela Anderson) are round and very thin and for years she drew them in... plucking them till they were almost not there. The 70's decade that she is not willing to let go off. Then there is the 80's decade that her permed hair is unwilling to leave with the bangs and all...

So you can see my delema. So, I drew black eyeliner on my lips filled the rest of my lips in with red lipstick. I am hopping that Engineer Guy is into my new look!

It's Official..

Ever go to work....

Sh!+ that plagues my mind...

1. Ever go to work with next day hair??

a) yes, my hair did look a bit unmanaged to put it politely: I have over active sebaceous glads! Gosh (it was oily)

b)To my defence 0430 AM comes about really fast...

2. Even more troublesome ever go to work with 2Nd. day eyeshadow...

a)Why I was still sparkle girl at 0430 AM I figured why not keep it that way I'd be extra fresh..


b) No worries I washed up the Vagina parts including and the ever so left out at times the anus and the underarms of course...Not that I ever forget but lets just say it run into it a time or too on the job..

c) Hey I don't look at every anus that walks though the door of the hospital Just the Dirty ones fall into my care...

3. Ever get to work and feel the urge to Poop?

a) you have no idea how troublesome this is to me...

b) half of the time I lie to myself Most of the time I have convinced myself that I never do #2.

c) I hate it when this happens and I am forced to will myseld into thinking that I don't have to poop!

The cure to all this photop is to drink two glasses of wine and remember to take an Aspirin in the morning..
Just telling it like it is :)

Things to ponder?

1. My mother found my sister's vibrator in the closet when she was helping my sister move!
2. My sister who is married with 4 children, Called me and said," I can't believe Mom found my vibrator...She acted like she didn't see it , but she might-as-well have hit me with the bible"
3. I told my sister to remember the Catholic Girl Code, If you act like it didn't happen then It really didn't happen.
4. Which brings me to my next fun fact to ponder....Why ohhhh why do men stick 60 watt light bulbs up there back end?? I mean really don't they worry that the light bulb might break??
5. They come to the ER and they know that we are going to do an x-ray they only admit to it after there is proof?? More things to ponder...
6. When I was 23 yrs old I went to the GYNO for my yearly pap smear. I always choose a male Dr. that is the oldest fart I can find so that he is conservative... and has probably seen it all but is past his time of caring to much about seeing everything... and I hate the boob checks...
Disclaimer: I think it is very important to check your breast every month...
But doesn't is seem funny to have your Dr. who reminds you of your grandfather checking your boobs..."I was like is it normal for the Dr. to pinch and squeeze your nipples??" My mother assured me that it was part of the exam...
7. I was really dumb back then and I thought that it was normal...Then then He asked into his office and proceeded to ask me if I was being safe... and if I had put anything up in my stuff that should have not been there???
8. What??? I had no idea what he was talking about and I turned bright red with embarrassment..
9. Next came the exam....Gosh I was so dumb
10. He had the nerve to stick his finger in my back end...
11. Again I asked my mother if this was normal?? and she said yes....
12. And you wonder what is wrong with me???

just a quick note before I work...

Heading the land of the brave nurses...sheeesh..county
Did I really say that I wanted to be a nurse...just kidding!!!
Well, just for a quick note..my gayboyfriend says he is not cheating on me but we will see..
He does like alot of attention...okay so..do I what am I talking about???
I am heading to Engineer guy's house tonight for dinner..
He we have had some troubles but hopefully he can weather the time with me...
I really do love him...
I made him go to the foot doctor...
It kills me to see him hurt in any mannor...including the pain that I have inflicked on him...
So, Love just know that I am thinking of you...
Oh and all my peeps..too...
check you all out when I get home.....interested in what you have to say...
Hopefully I will not have to see to naked people today...but that is no promise....
take care...again...thanks for stick with me...all of you...keeps my spirtit up!!!
CongrandS one the 5 lbs. Micheal...I know your heart is happy...and so am I!!!!

Why is my life so complicated....

I swear that my life is like a trashy romance novel...
Having a gay boyfriend is very demanding especially when he threatens to cheat on you with another nurse...
and the other nurse happens to have a crazy drama life of her own...
Why me??
I find my self in the most particular situations...
You see loyalty is very important to me...I don't want to tell my gay boyfriend why he should not be involved with this particular nurse...and well why would he want to cheat on me anyway..I mean I get all of his jokes....I am not put off because his mother wants him to eat her barnacles off her feet...His Brother answers the door stark naked...with spray bottles everywhere with various cleaning agents....No, I am not turned off...in fact I find it funny....
Besides she has told me personal things in strick confidence...
Where do I draw the line....
Why me??
Here is what I am finding out nurses are crazy...strait up just crazy anything and everything can happen and does...
I try to stay out of the mix but I can't help myself...
I wonder daily if I am going nuts too...worried about everyone and everything....
Life is a Battle field....
but my life is exciting so I can't complain to much....
and having a gay boyfriend is so great...It is all about the love...it is like having a girlfriend that always wants to talk to you about stuff...
I'm blessed...anyway I already told him...he's going to be wrecked up...He makes me laugh cause he gets me...and I get him...So gay boyfriend cheat on me if you want to but I warn you and you know that I am always right...just like I was right about hep C

Feeling much better...brighter days ahead of me no worries

Dear Peeps,
Thanks for all of your support...
Life is different now but I am better...
So, one of my nurse friends calls me the other day...
His mother is about 75 yrs. old, a kingdergarden teacher still and lives for the movie "Pirates of the Carribean"
She leaves him a message...
Rob I'm taking a bath right now (mind you the very thought of her taking a bath is just wrong) and so anywho she says, "I'm taking a bath right now and I am washing the barnicals off my feet do you want to eat them??"
I swearr...I thought I was going to die of a laughing coniption...
And he says to me and you wonder why I am an ER nurse???

I'm still breathing that is all that matters!!!

Hey all...yes I am still a live Resperations equal and unlabored.
My heart has beening going though a lot of changes but I am strong and i will survive...
I am moving from my 500 sq feet apartment so I will not have internet access for a week or so...but I will Q you all into how things come all out..
Until then I am spending some much needed time with my friends that love me and my sister..
I think of you all often and do not want to fail you...more peni stories to come I promise..and maybe even some vagingna stories too!!!

When is it time...

We all have thoughts days in our life when we ask ourselves is it time...

You know like when you go into labor and it is 0300 am in the morning and you lie to your Doctor and tell him the contractions are 5 M-I-N-I-T-E-S apart...
Not really they just feel like they are!! an your body tells you it is not time.

Or when Your Mother calls at 1000 pm at night and talks about her Period again...Ummmm
I hate to tell you Mother but at 53 yrs. old ""Cough"" I mean 40 yrs. Old...
"Your going though the change in life"...Gosh I hate it when she uses thoughts words...
and then you think is it really her time??? No pun indented on the color of thoughts words...

Or when your boyfriend no longer cares if he puts the tomatoes in the salad...
Oh I know I am not always the lovable girl I portray in blog land..I have had my moments...
But when do you know that it is time to though in the towel, When to give up red meat...
I think it is when your heart is broken and there is nothing that can fix it but time...
No, worries all I know that I have my blog friends to keep me feeling as if I somewhat famous in my mind... but it will be hard...and it already is..
I guess the really hard thing to come to grips with is that I feel like he no longer loves me and that is a hard, harsh pill to swollow...and comon I give people potassium.."talk about horse pills"..

So, I ask myself and all of you when is it time??? When he no longer cares if tomatoes are in the salad???
xoxox
I'm okay just a little heart broken...

Having fun in the Virgin Islands..

Yep...you guessed it drinking again...Oh what fun!! But my eyes were closed so I decided not to torture myself and show you my crazy stare...tehee. For you Beth...Your my girl!!

At the beer festival

I'm not drunk yet...but we are getting there..I'm not so cute right here but Beth this boob pic is for you...Oh that is Engineer guy...No worries We took the bus home..

I'm Okay Really...No I don't want an x-ray..or a CT

OMGOSH...I got frigging hit in-between the eyes in the ER today I didn’t start the fight either…that is all I can really say… but I have an abrasion in-between my eyes on my nose and there is swelling…I had Engineer guy take a pic…I tell you what ! I know what it is like to think you need a nose job except no pain...I am in fighter flight my adrenalin is kicked up do to the work load today and the extremity of it all so I have no pain…Sheesh I couldn’t even use my UFC tech…A couple of weeks ago I almost had Engineer guy tap out cause I had all 200lbs and 6’3 ft in. in a head lock with my legs…He didn’t want to tap out cause I’m a girl…So I had to let go so he didn’t pass out…cause he almost did but I could not pass him out due to my Hippocratic oath that I took as a nurse to never due harm…Hey he started it…That is how we show each other love… we are country folk…West Virginia Need I say more!!!

Light as a feather stiff as a board...

Light as a Feather Stiff as a board...haven't we all play this game before!!

Well I recommend the book " Stiff ,by Mary Roach" due to the graphic nature of it all...I mean really...

Did you know according to this book that Necrophilia was not against the law untill 1979 when a woman was found in a hurst with a young dead boy!!!!

Okay you know I am full of the stories but this one takes the cake!! Icould not wait to get out the word!!!

This book is full of fun fact that are definately party favors!!!

Happy New year!!!

I wish that I could tell all my readers all about just how fun and excititng my new years was.(let's just say it wasn't 2 thumbs up or shit there was nothing,down and around )..I wish I could say that Iwas spending it with Engineer guy and his friends. I wish I could tell you about Engineer's roomates insistance to go streaking down the neighbor hood because he had just finished watching , "Old School"I wish that I would have known how much everyone had been drinking and I wish I could have brought in the new year with a bang!!!

BANG, BANG, BANG

On my new years day I was hanging with my sweet friend Jen. She tolerates all my gross abcess stories and in fact there were other nurses there at the party...so all is not lose...I didn't get to see dave streaking...(THAT MIGHT BE A GOOOD THING) I drank a little wine, soaked up all the love from the girls....and passed out at 02000!!!!! I made it another year alive and another year to cause trouble.

I would say that somethings have changed between me and Engineer guy...some growing paings but I am still pulling for him., Time will telll. Uutil then I will be living with one of my girlfrieds
I have been sad, but every day get better....and better!!!keep looking out for me I !!!
untill next time....I hope not in the ER....take care you are always in the back of my mind!

Don't be Rediculous...

I have decided that I am going to write a book. What is the book going to be about you ask since I write these rediculous stories about my life and sexually chocolate times??
I don't know exactly, I could write a book on how to catch a man, but I think that one has been done a million times over.

I might write a book on how to live your whole life with out knowing how to write perfect grammer or spell the English language. I'm thinking that idea might be original, but boring.

I could write about my adventures in dating land, except I really have only gone on a handful of losser dates and have really only been in relationships.

Maybe I could write a novel on staying in a relationship for5 yrs and then leave and move on to greener fields. I might be able to pull that off. I am certain that since I only have had one 5 yr relationship I'm probably not an expert by any stretch of the imagination.

Well, I guess untill I figure it out I will continue to write my blogs...after all I do enjoy grossing out my peers and telling all the little dirty stories that flood my mind...
and there is the peni and vagina stories that I know you all can't live without...why the other day I was talking to the secretary and he tells me that not only do vaginias come in differnt sizes (who knew?) they also have different textures...I can't even tell you what I was thinking...
cheers!

I have not been able...

I have not been able to talk myself into going to the porno store, and Engineer guy had been out of town for a week...Darn...
So, while he was gone I did talk myself into going to "Fredricks of Hollywood" for some much needed sex linzuray... for this I might of had some kind of heart palpations...Why you ask?..do I have peni in my had on a daily basis..but have trouble expressing sexuallity??...I can only contribute it to one thing...I was raised Catholic...
and I say linzuray cause well it was sexy and somewhat revealing...and it made me talk like some old rich woman...but who is really paying attention to how I talk anywho..down to the dirt...
Yes, when he came home he was surprised..So, surprised he had no clue as to why I had on his long sleeve shirt on..and high heels...DUHHHHHH
I have to give it up to Engineer guy!! He is the champ...Once I pointed him into the right direction he took over like a champ...
To all of my male readers...Don't miss the suttle signs... to the women out there hit them over the head they will get it!!!

To go to the porn shop or not??

Tisk task... Engineer guy thinks it would be funny to take me to the local porn shop and have my name paged over head so that all of the porn shopper's would know that I was interested in the magic bullet 3000 the 3rd addition.
Now, I am no stranger to many a peni since I see them all the time at work..
(I swear father this is only for medicinal reasons)
*disclaimer* I can't believe that I went to school to endless amounts and sizes of peni and vajignias...and by size I mean size... who new that some people would have cavernous vajignias or turtle peni but it is the dirty truth that I must somehow make right in my mind..;
Back to the porno store, I have never been to one of these enterprises and that is why he thinks it would be funny to go and have the store clerk give the ins-in outs of their new and improved D word... I can't even type it that is how embarrassed I would be...
How ever I told him I would go only if I had several glasses of wine and a cheerleader team coaching me though the experience...
Why with all that I see you think I could handle an assortment of extra curricular devises, but the truth is I like Engineer guy's channel changer just fine...and sometimes he even manages to make it vibrate!!!