Ohhh that's my big boy

Why do men have nipples???

I am on the never end search for the truth about men...
Something you should know about me is that I have had strange men's Penis in my hands...
I know but it was too late to quit nursing school before this revealing skill was placed in my hands...did I just type that out loud, and no pun intended...
I would like to just say for the record that from what I have seen that men'z peni has nothing to do with the size of their hands or feet...
and ummmm nahhh I can't even say it I am still shy!!!I love all of you out their in blog land

Happy New Year...

Okay this is a first for me...
I am not drunk or I have not even had a drink of alcohol believe that??
Happy New Year to all of my peeps I wish you the very best!!!
I love all of you and I am thankful that you are in my life!!!
xoxoxoxox
Darn girl

Random Shi'et that I am forced to tell by my brain...

My Grandma grew-up in a very Mormon household and was married by the time She was 18yrs. old. She has been married to my Grandpa for 60yrs. Most of that time they have adhered to most of the strict beliefs that the church demanded of them. However, my Grandpa smoked behind the churches back and kept a bottle of whisky in the bedside table for medicinal purposes only.(sometimes Grandma drove him crazy) They both never drank their whole life and still don't but Grandpa would take a swig every now and then if He were stressed enough. Nothing wrong with that but I have to say that the grandchildren like to get a rise out of my sweet Grandma every-now-and-then because she is still so innocent. This weekend Pop and I bought a movie thinking that the old folk don't get out much so to entertain ourselves and to spend some quality time with them we could all watch a movie.
Along came Polly sounded innocent enough, not according to my Grandma. Keep in mind she watched the whole movie even when I had my eyes closed some of the time; I even cringed at times because I just thought it would be way to scandalous for her. I didn't want to give her a heart attach or cause her blood sugar to rise at a deadly level. Hey they are old and Grandpa threatens to die on us all the time usually to milk all the attention he can get especially from Grandma (he agrees with this).
After the movie ended Grandma said, a woman married 60 yrs. never see a naked rear end, especially not a young naked butt! I think she was trying to give me a heart attack. My jaw dropped. She smiled and Grandpa stayed up with her whilst we went to bed. Grandpa sleeps in their room and she sleeps on the couch, but I'm thinking Grandma might have gotten a little fresh with Grandpa. Maybe he even got to pull his nasal cannula from his oxygen tank to the side for a little kiss action.
*Please note that while this is a true story mostly, my family has a wonderful sense of humor and this is to be taken lightly. They found it funny and know my sense of humor. No one was offended by this post and if you are I'm sorry you take life too seriously.
Happy New Year...another year and many more post to come I hope a glimpse in my life of that darn girl can bring you a little piece of happiness ;)

I can't believe it I am turning into my Ma...

A Pic of Ma and my sister... Ma's Dog
I woke up this morning at 4:00 am looked into the mirror and Screamed...
I am starting to look like my Ma and not only that I have turned into her too..
My Ma had a pill for everything.
You have a cold, put some vics in your nose and take a B vitamin...
You have an ear infection, put some vics and take a B vitamin...
You have upset stomach, put some vics and peptobismo...
My version (my poor child he has a neurotic mother that is a nurse)..
Kid did you poop today...He says," Ma" No...
No worries I got a pill..here take this stool softener...
Kid how many times did you pee today and what color was it...(the kid doesn't drink enough water so I am neurotic and think he will die of dehydration) The kid says, "Ma" 2 times and it was yellow...Me "all day" OMGOsh...I got water with crystal light lemonade in it...drink up...
What you have a huge pimple... I got a tube of anit-pimple cream let me pick it and put some vic up your nose...
It's tragic...It can't be...I said I would never turn into her...
At least I don't walk around with a shirt in the house that is slit all the way down both sides sos she can torture my sister & I or anyone that we might bring to the house...
She's obsessed with showing off her great boobs..
I would never be like that...
I mean really does it sound like me to talk about my boobs and show them off?? Really?

Engineer guys 31ar birthday bash...

Out to dinner with Engineer guy, his brother and girlfriend. We made them sing Happy birthday to him and then we went to the comedy club to see last comic standing winner Alonzo Bodden..
He was a trooper and happily mentioned Engineer guy's birthday to the crowd.
One day at a time...
Happy Holidays to all...

And these are the days of my life..

Whilst being at stay at home goddess (no job yet but I am working on it) I have been trying to be exciting seems like my days are dull compared to what they used to be like. Good thing I have great friends that just happen to live crazy lives and then share them with me.
read on and be wowed...
udes

So the smooth kitty kronicals are in full swing, First of all It is amazing that i made it here! Ran 2 freaking Miles (felt like 10) with my 40lb backpack on arriving at my connecting flight in Atlanta, GA as they were closing the gate! So looking like a wet dog! Oh sexy girlfriend! yea. So my kitesurf gear obviously did not make it but I did yea! Thank god, I had my first date set up for Thursday night! I slept all day until 6 pm the time change was and still is a bitch! 8 hour difference. from Maui, I want to sleep all day and party all night, he he...

I finally dragged my ass out of bed and went for a walk around the neighborhood and went shopping for food. Made it back to hostel in time for a shower and realized that it was almost 930 pm shit the sun was still up it's summer duh! My date, er I mean first victim... Juli picked me up at my hostel and we went to some bar called liquid! Got drunk (shocker I know) and some random guy grabbed my ass Juli defending my honor (ha ha) I know he did not know me yet! Got in a fight and we all got kicked out of the club at 2:30am damn time flys!

Got invited ok should I say Sexnapped back to his apt I was thinking I should play hard to get, then logic and reason went out the window when he started kissing me and holding his hot did I say hot, fucking ripped body against me! Plus, his cologne I think it is called wet panties in English! Damn yea so score is USA 2 ARG 0, only 24 hrs in he he. I am here for a good time not a long time right. Ok so he lied, he said he would give me a ride home In the am ha ha! I think that is the first time I have done the walk of shame in buenos aires ha ha. At least the hostel was close, only a few blocks from his place. I Could not care had fun he was hung and has a beautiful body, so sexy nice juicy uncut cock. I swear the more research I do, I am never going back to uncut men.. It seriously takes off at least an inch or more, idiots, I think I will start a cause against circumsizing penis.. Poor guys...

I went for a run in the park Sat and realized how grateful I am to be here and be able to have the lifestyle I have. Freedom is the most amazing gift you can have. The ability and choice to do what ever you want where ever you when ever you want. YES! I jogged past to lovers in the park making out, here it is ok and accepted to have public display of affection I love that no shame here. I jogged past them over an hour later and they were still at it. Love this city. Also the technology still stuck in the past a bit here, A small girl was roller skateing on a pair of old, i mean old skates, like they were metal with the straps to tie to your shoes. Think way way back, before inline skates. She was so happy rocking out with her rollerskates. Makes me appreciate all the freaking toys I have, typing out emails on my goddamn phone, how do you say spoiled! Yes I spoil myself why because no one else is going to! fuck it only live once enjoy it every day.. Go big... I also love how much attention I get here. I feel like I am naked all the time. All the men look when me a white blond girl runs by.. freaking so awesome for the ego, especial since I was feeling like matilda the hunt in Maui. No love dry spell from hell, I swear I felt fat and ugly there and I know I was hella active. At least here the men have egos so big here they are not threatened by me.. hehe How does an Argentine man kill himself, he jumps off his ego.. he he

How do you say next, oh yes his name is Diego my new baby daddy, he he and I am going to meet him and his family tomorrow! What the fuck Day 2 first date with him and his family, RED FLAGS ANYONE? Oh then pablo (no I AM not seeing him again, he wants me and he can not have me na na na na) but he got me into the world polo finals tomorrow afternoon my out worse case! Yea so all is well! I am happy safe and unwound! Happy kitty meow..Woo hoo

Ok update now day 5 Monday, opps I lost track of time fast here, shit. So Date with Diego was umm interesting. If your ok with meeting the parents who do not speak english and your spanglish which sucks ass, well it was quite the experience. One for the books I can now say I met the parents on a first date, bizzare.. But Diego, is well hot, amazing body, built like a rugby player, huge and wide, and he hem hung, I swear I really really tryed to not have sex on the first date but hell since he wants to have my kid. I figured I should see what I would be dealing with, Yea Argentina 1 USA 3.. Ok I smiled all day took all the damn questions ( like, do I cook? Could I be faithful? he he how old am I, Why am I still single? Hell I dont know? What am I doing for Christmas, do I want to spend it with him and his family, do I want to move in with him and stay at his apt. HELLO, I just met this guy except for brief chats online.. Is your mouth hanging open, yea mine too) and drilling with a grain of salt. But when he asked me for my papers I could not help but laugh,... Seriously, the funny part was he was dead serious. My clean bill of health.. Ok I know I have a twisted sense of humor but damn. Imagine you just met the most beautiful man and he says I would like to imagine having a child with you, your skin, your eyes are so beautiful, you have such a great body. Oh by the way are you HIV neg or pos HELLO SCREEEECH... Brakes, where the hell is the exit, I was like yea I am clean what about you? did you say hepatitis? What? was that a joke, Oh you have a pacemaker and your 38 and your biological clock is ticking louder than mine. more like a landmine.. wow.... So how was your day? Heavy or lighter than mine? Any way went and watched fireworks in downdown and stayed at his very nice apt and tryed not to sleep with him but he decided to sleep naked next to me, mary penis torcher chamber. ahh yea so you know me, woke up at 330 am with a gianormous shlong next to me and I accidentally fell on it trying to get up and use the bathroom missed the bidet.. oopss my bad.

I figure that is the best way not to get a second date here in Argentina, as the men have no respect for women who put out on the first date. And since I have no respect for men (they all lie to or say anything to fuck) I think we are even. So I am sure I will not hear from him again. we will see I will keep you updated. I think He is OCD. Overthinker for sure. Way heavy machismo, man looking for his mom to take care of him and raise a family.. He he Yea sign me up, but he said he wants to go to tahiti with me we will see if that is bull shit, are you seeing the same kind of a trend as me here. The men talk all sweet and when they open there mouth its all bullshit.. sounds good smells like shit.

At least he had a beautiful cock to back up the shit and his thighs and body linebacker, I was MIA underneath him...... he he Next...

Ok so Sunday, A day of rest for me, and today I walked all over the damn city trying to figure out where I could launch my kitesurfing gear and realized how freaking spoiled I was in Maui.. here the water is so gross I am getting sick already and I have not even touched. it I took some pictures I will post on the blog, since that is public you can see the trash in the soup that looks like chocolate poop water. eeeuuuuu

Love your mugs, hope this first bit of crazy smooth kitty vag chronicals brightens your day. More to come, I am lining up dates with Fernando for seconds from last time I was here, yummie hotel by the hour adventure. And with Sebastian the hottie singer. Can not wait to see him perform. Maybe a personal performance after show show... Also looking forward to the Stripper, also have a clingon at the end of the world in Ushuaia Diego no. 2... And German in Rodeo to go kitesurfing with. Should be an interesting week(month) lets see who wants to go home with Mary???, Since I can not take a spanish class this week, the damn school I signed up with went out of business since um 4 months ago.. WTF??? Well at least Aunt flo decided to wait a few days before benching smooth kitty for an involuntary time out...

MEOWWWWW

XO
Crazy

Finding the funny...

Today I was talking to a friend on the phone that makes me crack up..
We love to talk about our families...
His eating pigeon during the depression (he will only admit to his grandparents eating it) and mine eating squirrel (what can I say they are from the country)
So, I asked him how work was last night and then he told the story...
It goes something like this..
He was a work (he has a history of being very clumsy) a trait that I think builds his character...
He was suppose to be wearing black dress pants for serving people...
Well I guess he always goes commando and happen to bend down and catch his pant pocket to the corner of the bar....as you may guess he tore the pocket down to the zipper and his balls fell out...
I am assuming that his whole package fell out but he spared me the dirty little details...
Turns out his boss is some what of a Hitler type so He made him put on Yellow rain rubber pants to serve the rest of the night....
I cracked up laughing at the thought of him ripping his pants while serving drinks to people at a baseball game...they got a little more than they bargained for..
I hope he at least shaved....

The signs are there you just have to see them...

Whilst working hard at not having a job today I came upon a blog that was sales driven. It stated, "The signs are all there you just have to see them" . I am looking for signs that will point me in the right direction to finding the job that is right for me...
Well I must be blind because I don't see any signs right now...
I looked under the covers...
I looked under the bed...
I asked the people I live with if they have seen any signs..
I looked in my car...
Nope Nothing I got nothing...
No worries I will continue to search for that dang sign but it is tiring let me tell ya!

Will I ever get it right??

I'm on a mission now this is not any mission it is like FBI style...
Seriously, I know you all can keep a secret I am a former agent of sorts..
Now I can't tell you what agency I worked for because then I would compromise my famliy..
But...it was serious
Think like Borne Ultimatum...Jason Borne but I'm a girl...
I'm on a mission to find love and the body I had last year...
So, like anything in my life I am taking it balls to the wall..
I need a plan that is what I need...
for this plan I must like figure out what it is that I want from a man?
I would like just the basics that every other woman wants..
Friendship...
Lots of affection...
and well that about sums it up..
well there is more I know but since I haven't had either of these is a very long time they are the ones that come to mind...
as for the work out and body I am working on it daily...
I even did handstands today now that it commitment...
More on scoring later and that former agency that I worked for...

Happy Holidays...What am I thankful for...

Happy Holidays all...
I will get back to my research for blogging later. For now I would like to say the things that I am thankful for even though this has been a very hard year for me. I say good riddens to 2008.
I am thankful for...
2009 and new beginnings...
I am thankful for my friends that have loved me even if...
I am thankful for a child that is amazing...
I am thankful for all of my blogger friends that help me keep my fame in my mind...
I am thankful for food on the table and for a father that believes in me no matter what...
I am thankful that I have a good relationship with my sister no matter how many fights we have gotten into over the years..We still love each other no matter what..
I am thankful that my brother-in-law came back from Iraq safe and sound. He made it though OCS yeah!!!

Research number 2...

Since I am not working at this time I have decided that I need to do research just like real writers..
When Engineer guy's roommate left to live with his soon to be wife he left his playboys...So I heard that that playboy has interesting editorials, but mostly I saw boobage and vagignass... Now I asked myself what is normal? hair or no hair??Then I asked myself how much sex is normal a week when you are in a monogamous relationship?? Once a week? twice a week or 3 times a week?? I don't know you tell me??

Research.....

Research in the name of love...
I have always been the girl to go to when having relationship problems. Why my friends think that I am worthy I have no idea??... especially since I am not about feelings when it comes to my own relationships. It seems that everyone is having relationship problems not only my girlfriends, but my guy friends as well. Let's take for instance Millionaire Parents guy...Now this guy is 25 yrs old, he is a paramedic firefighter and Captain of his crew. He is the the youngest Captain in the valley of the sun, and he is a loyal friend. His parents are millionaires but he is not snobby in the least and a very generous, kind , funny smart guy, so why can't he find love in the valley? He calls me to tell me about his resent break-up seems that the girl that he was dating and living with after only 7 months has a jealousy problem? Hu?? Seems that this girl is jealous of his past relationships? Run that by me again? She's jealous of your last girlfriend that you had before you knew her because you went on a cruise to Alaska? How is that even possible??She tells him that she doesn't like it when he hangs out with the gang at bars...Hu? What is wrong with her I wonder?? Here is this guy, wonderful sure he has some issues...He's not perfect but he is a great person...He asks me what I think?? Oh yeah right like I am the person to be asking relationship advise because I am so good at them right?? Well I can say that I wasn't jealous of Engineer guy's past girlfriends..Now I don't think it is healthy to talk about past possible loves, but there is no use in being jealous of something that was. He asks me what I loved so much about Engineer guy??Great he wants to talk about feelings...I tell him I knew that I would love him and he would love me that night he had me over to his house for dinner and ummmm dessert. It is hard to explain chemistry...it just is and well I am a hard nut to crack. Chemistry is difficult to find, I am very passionate about him. He is very smart, analytical and mathematical... things that I couldn't even fathom he is capable of. So, I guess opposites attract, I am la la girl boobs out at the parties we attended whilst he stood in the back round and allowed me to receive the thunder...I am very passionate about medicine...I live it, I breath it, and I am very passionate about my friendships. I guess that when two people love each other as much as I love Engineer guy you want to hold on to the very last thread, and I am not a quitter. It seems that for a while we were playing for different football teams...he for West Virgina and I for SMU...I told Millionaire parents guy that we only have one life...and life is way to precious to short to give up on love. What I have with Engineer guy is magical and what I love about him is simply him. We have to write our own stories, now that story can be one of love, friendship, amazing sex & intimacy with hope, loyalty and beauty a beauty that I have never felt before or it can be pessimistic. I choose beauty, so relationships are works in progress. With great love can be great pain but if it is worth it the pay off can be so rewarding. Now I know that I have been very cheesy in this blog but sometimes you just have to get it out. Jeff...She's out there you'll find her and when you do it won't be perfect but it will be beautiful...

And these are the days of my life...

Now that I have your attention. I felt like looking a a ball today so I pulled this pic out of my personal stash. Now I wish that this ball was shaven because I really can only appreciate balls that are smooth but beggars can't be choosers.

On my way home alive

I'm on my way home...
check it with you later stay tuned to see pics of the first wives club and hear the tatered stories of my travel!!!

Sorry for my absents...

After almost dieing from a GI bleed last week I think I have an ulcer. Go figure I would die from a GI bleed and not something more dramatic like gun shot wound. Needless to say I had to see the Dr. when I was with my high school friend that I haven't seen for 17 years... and and admit that the Dr. indeed violated me and put his finger in my tail. At least I got some pain medicine. The last time I was violated by my GYNO at the tender age of 23 yrs. old I asked my Ma is that normal for the GYNO to put his finger in my tail and she said yes...I saw no benefit from this and He didn't even offer me a shot of tequila. What kind of freaky stuff she is accustom to... I don't know because when I was older and asked my GYNO if this was normal during a paps smear HE stated and I quote, " I generally only use that tech for my geriatric patients" WHAT? Violated...With KY jelly at only 23. Not surprising that I know many different uses for KY jelly than the intended use.
If I ever felt like an old lady it is right now. I have been drinking down Milanta and eating Pilosec. Now there has to be something wrong with that picture. Hopefully it is just H-pilor that I might of picked up from Mexico since I find myself a worldly traveler since I have still not gotten a Job...Oh it is in the works...I'm intently looking for a sexologist job right now I know it is right the coroner i can feel it...No pun intended!

For my people

My New Job...

Whilst watching the boob tube the other day I noticed a job that I thought I'm a nurse I could totally do that. Being a nurse could be part of my credentials plus like I could like get a couple of written statements with signatures from the past Loves of my life "at the time Guy".
Sexologist...
It is not what your thinking...
It would be helping couples gain a better sense of intimacy...
and I would tell the wife to definitely flash boobage way more..
I got tons of Ideas..
It will be like I am always the brides maid and never the bride..
but tons of funnnnn!!

Hey I am sending you all a shout out from San Diego. I have been letting the wind blow through my hair, eating all the bad food that I can get my hands on. Whilst walking though the San Diego Zoo I was reminded that last week I was trying so hard to make sure I worked out that I actually fell asleep on the elliptical. I know I was kind of in shock too but let me tell you what muscle memory can do for you. You can actually fall asleep with your feet and legs still moving. I thought I might call Guinness world record to see if anyone has attempted that fate. Let me know if you have a clue. Guinness here I come!!

In the name of love..

Because I am famous in my mind I thought it appropriate to reveal some know or unknown facts about myself therefor sealing my fate as a famous person if it only in my mind.

1. My left big toe nail fell off. Due to my running the trails at a speed of a snail. My toenail bruised and then proceeded to pull away from me.
2. I am traumatized by my big toe nail situation. I only pulled the last of it off the other day and I have worn sock ever since to hide my ugly toe. I can't even get a pedicure and that is almost against the law.
3. Sometimes I obsess about the wrinkles that might appear on my forehead. I try and not wrinkle my eyes because I want to keep that fresh look about me. Aging is not a process that I am taking a liking to.
4. No secrete to thoughts that no me I think my boobs are my best physical feature and a source of many of my blog writings.
5. To my greatest fear I have become a lot like my mother. My mother has a pill for everything. So, I have a pill for everything. I take every know vitamin known to man. Got gas I got Beanno. Constipated I have fiber pills. Still constipated I got gloves and JY jelly for lubing you up. I have plenty of practice since I have been working as a nurse. Got heart burn I got zantac. Got nausea I got phenergan. Have asthma I have an albuterol inhaler.... and so on and so forth.
6. I can never shut off the nurse in me. Stub your toe I will baby you for comfort.
7. My family thinks sending me naked pictures of old women and men is funny. Why just this morning my cousin "big muscle guy" sent me a text wishing me a happy Halloween with an old naked woman. What I don't get is that this woman actually let someone take a picture of her. Maybe she wanted to be noticed for her wrinkled up body. Boobs deflated something to look forward to.
8. I am directionally challenged I get lost even with directions in front of me. I think that it is genetic.
9. My hair is my nemisis and it has been every color on the wheel. At times it has turned against me for coloring it so much.
10. I live by the Catholic girl code, if I don't remember it never happen.
11. In the name love I often have to suck it up and take one for the team. That includes putting myself in uncomfortable and unfamilar places for the people that I love. I know I am a marder. Usually there is nothing that I wouldn't do for my friends and that includes sticking my fingers into places for the sake of my hipocratic oath that I took the very day I became a nurse.
sincerely
Darn girl