Monday, July 27, 2009
Random thoughts for the day...and some teaching
We will be driving down the road having a pleasent talk about the War in Iraq and find myself busting out the, " all of a sudden a case of herpes let's get out the medical dictonary".
He roles his eyes and says I pinky swear....always every time I will be safe if I choose to break your heart and to the deed before marriage.
You might be asking your self why I am so crazed at making sure his aware of all the STD dangers out there?...it is simple. I can't tell you how many times I have had that sweet innocent looking 15 yr. girl come into the ER explain that they are having severe pain "down there"...I look and tell the Dr. it's not a UTI it's in fact herpes. She then tells me how can that be? I have only been with one person...she might even say I have always been safe...and then I tell her...Sweetheart...
One can get herpes even if the other person doesn't have a break out and even if you use a condom. Herpes hides in the neural tissues (spinal cord) and unfortunately the virus shead. I tell her this only after I have gloved up to the nines...
Now that I have put the fear in everyone...
My dog sweet little girlly dog is humping any avaliable arm...
She is known for darngirl's dog sir humps a lot.
Go figure? trying to save on teenage boy from heartache and it is my 4 lb. pooch who is the real problem. I think we are going to have to send her to reform school, until then thank goodness there is wine.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
A dead body I swear...Maybe
The smell emanating from the trash a long with a slight sound of movement from possible maggot activity, and not to mention the black cloud illuminating from the trash could be nothing else...
My nose hairs were burned from the aroma that could only be described as nothing else other than a dead rotting body. I assumed that 100,000 maggots helping further the decomposition was the slight rustling sound I heard as I entered his house. I asked him who he killed and why would he leave the body in the trash when he knows that I watch the New Detective files daily. I wondered to myself if this is someone I wanted to hang-out with? Then I remembered all the sexual satisfaction that he gave me then I decided right there to turn the other cheek...I'm not perfect myself and who am I to judge anyway?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Two exams in one week...man I'm getting lucky
I admit it I called Doctor Goldenrod this week. I had a week moment of saddness over Engineer guy and He is the only one that really makes me feel better.
I lied and said that it was time for my yearly pap (because it was on my mind ). I knew that he would be all in....He was glad to come over and assist me with a thin prep. Now this is what I call service. I asked him if he brought his Doctor bag because we might need to play Doctor and Nurse. I'll be the Doctor and he will be the nurse. Oh it is not the first time we have played this so he got the hint. Now I have assisted him with many vaginal exams at work but this will be the first time that I am on the other end of the stick.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
the best nail job ever....
Sorry for my absents I have been spending summer fun on road trips from H-E - double hockey sticks... but in order to maintain my sanity after consuming an enormous amount alcohol (no worries I only drove the golf cart), several vicodin and to top it off I was molested from my general doctor for my yearly pap (that is a story itself) ...having said that I promise to catch up and I hope you enjoy the picture of my newly done nails!
Sincerely, Darn girl
Monday, June 29, 2009
I'm still alive just visiting the family...
More about my crazy sister later.
who knows I might need prozac after it is all said and done with. I can't drink anymore...there is just not enough time in the day and I have to be sober to drive. Vailum is out of the question because I would just sleep and although I love to sleep I still have to get though my last 4 classes. No, I'm not sure what I will do...
There is always shock therapy....
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Roller derby...Fight!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Raid...really what were you thinking?

My father tried to kill me with raid..
I asked him to pick up a bottle of fruit fly killer for my tomatoes and what does he bring home?
Raid..
I knew it he's trying to kill me for money that I don't have.
More later...
I wanted to ask him really what were you thinking, it was a "Here's your card moment".
He says he loves me... really really he does, but I think he secretly has a Life insurance plan on me.
I Oye Ve
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Sent to me by my cuz....
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to
90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25 No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27 Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
It seems....
Thoughts of you new to my blog might not understand the significance of Dr. Goldenrod...
Think Superman...
Tall 6'6
Ice blue eyes...
Black slicked back hair...
ER Dr. Saving lives...
Oh I love him from a far...
He called me the other day and I caved...
What is a girl to do...
He rubbed my back....
And that is it...We talked
I pressed my body next to his...
He says I don't know how to act...
I say shhhhhh....
Just enjoy the moment...
His breath next to my breast...
and then he left...
Oh Dr.Goldenrod what is a girl to do?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Love...
and then there are days that you see your very best friend in the world and then you know love again...
Thank you mamma...
Thank you for the day and the love
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tommorrows the day....
Sorry, I am just practicing for tomorrow. I even wrote his name on my boobs and went to spin class. Coarse no one could see my boobs until I flashed the teacher...
It was a good class
I left sparkles everywhere!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Dane Here I come...
No pun intended...
As you all may know that I am fanatically involved with Dane Cook...
Shhhh I know I know I shouldn't be telling you this because he is private and all...but how can I really hold it in I mean really...We have bonded over the years...
Thursday, I am finally giving him a break. He decided to come back to the desert because well I am here and need I say more. Some how, I don't understand the Men in my life not getting the fact that I have made a pack with him...I must wear boobs out and write his name on my breast...What is wrong with that? I wondered to myself quietly out loud whilst I heard loud objections from my friends. They just don't understand our love...They don't understand how much he really loves my boobs. I mean he would talk about them but he is selfish and doesn't want to share them with the world. Hence his name on them...Now I just am wondering how he is going to see me from the farthest seat sold?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Let us remember....
Saturday, May 16, 2009
On the road to grandpa 'shouse...
The car broke down...
We were picked up by Opie the long nose hair guy..
Imagine nose hair growing on top of his nose, out of his nose and I think his ear hair gently touched my shoulder as he turned to put he truck up on the tow truck...
I had visions of little bugs that usually live on your eye lashes crawling down his ear hair onto my shoulders...
Well I got to go now, I got to get back on the road
it only took 5 hours to get the tow truck, get the rental and stop at Starbucks to refuel
Have a good weekend I catch up when I get to grandpa's house were they think I eat way too healthy...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I'm not obsessed I swear...

You all might not know it but at times I can be fixated with certain things, people, and or places in the body where my fingers have been. I'm not obsessed I swear.
I have various crushes on some bloggers I follow I can't help it. I sometimes have one night stands with them in my mind. I never usually tell them and according to the Catholic girl code, if they don't know it never really happened.
Recently, I was visited by the 3rd nipple. It's not that I am fixated by a third nipple it is just that I seem to be drawn to men with them. All went well and nobody was even drinking alcohol.
Today Dane Cook is going to be on Oprah. Now I am not saying that I changed my whole day so that I could be with my lover, but I couldn't let Dane down. We are extensively involved. He writes jokes, mostly about other people but I know that I am always on his mind. He came to my city for a show, and of coarse I couldn't go; I find torturing him a little keeps me on his mind. He especially appreciates my boobs because he talks about other women's boobs as to keep mine all to himself. I know I should be keeping this quiet because he is shy, but I think I'm in love with him. Now, I just got to figure out how to meet him.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Terracycle in effort to...
In efforts to practice what I preach I am going green...
Start small...think BIG! I live in a apartment now I just need to find a way to compost my own trash without smelling up the place.
Today...
Go to goodwill purchase 100% recycled planters...
Buy tomato plants, strawberry planters and cilantro...
Make a big big mess...
I also used a new and up coming exciting fertilizer (worm poop)...
I have been researching this Co for my class...
They are smarter than should be legal...
Terracycle...
They are 100% organic, they use peoples trash for compost, feed it to the worms and make poop tea. 100 % of their packaging is recycled; reclaimed soda bottles, milk jugs and other trash that I guaranty the 27 yrs old Princeton drop-out claims is treasure.





