Normally I would not use the C word but ummmmm Thanksgiving was the shi'et...what more else can I say...

That's right I did it...I did it...do I remember it though

So, I haven't seen my new boyfriend...can I call him that..I think I can...
I mean...I am not seeing anyone else and ummmm we never talk about anything serious so that sounds like the protocol...no feelings right...
Friday....he says sweetheart ummmm I really need to finish this last baseball game do you want to come with me...Im like ummmm is there beer there...and ummmmm your going to hit the ball cause I can't go home with you if you suck...it is just how it is....
I say sure I can meet the folks that you work with...no problem...and well there is beer there so I am good...maybe I had a little too much beer...it could happen...the liver is evil and it must be punished...that is all I am saying...so any how...I have really been wanting to ask him how he feels about me cause you know we are both not about feelings...(except when I have been drinking then it is no holds
bars) ...
J: I say...on the way home...how do you feel about me...I need to know...really...I have been wondering I know that he cares but I wan to hear it...
why wouldn't I ?
He says how do I feel....well I never taken anyone around the people I work with....
Me: so seriously how do you feel...lets just get down to the raw deal...he says I really like you and I like crazy so we are good...
Just like Greg B says....he is attentive is he is all in...and if not he is just not that into you....you will know...
Point in case...I woke like ohhh crap did I say that ....you know I have to be the one that doesn't care as much....
He's sweet...he is loving and he handles my crazyness...what more could I ask for ....
J, I really care about you too...but ummmm let's not tell him that okay...deal..

Score..Did I Just Say That Out-Loud, I Think I Did

I love my crazy, wonderful, beautiful, amazing, sometimes painful life...

You know that you are happy again when the little things make you smile...smile so much your face starts to hurt...
ahhhh life is sweet..

Thoughs of you that know me..have read my crazy, painful, crack-up up stories and know that in May I was just not...not one happy camper..but I' back...that's it... I said it... I'm back

I found myself...I found that girl that everybody missed...that girl that laughs so much at the stupid little things in life... that girl that cracks her ownself up...that's right she is back with full force..

I mean...Okay so you know...that well Dr. GoldenRod pretty much was the only person to see that girl in May..that's cause well you know...He's ummmm Dr. GoldenRod and one day one day...I will pull him in the clean utility room..but ummm until then he still keeps me on my toes and makes me smile...

Life does have thoughs funny ways of making up for all the bad times...last night "mister guy" text me...says he misses me and would like to see me and the kid... wants me to know that he thinks of me often and really still loves me soooo sooo much...
I text him back and say and I really ment it...sorry but things are different for me now...I am sorry but I can't see you...I just can't...I don't want too...really I have no interest in seeing him ever again and then and then...

I get in my car and drive to "Engineer guy's" house...ahhhh I haven't seen him in 10 days...our lips meet...I feel my heart beat faster...as he draws me closer to him.... and the rest is history...The chemistry between us is electric...and I am amazed...

Yep, I love this crazy, beautiful, special, sometimes crazy painful amazing life...
Score...did I just say that out-loud, yes I think I did..all I can say is wow...WOW