Chronicals of love...

Still not sure what is going on at my house...
First things first:

Usually I like to talk about the little things that make me laugh in life...
Like the time I got shat on at 6 in the morning by a patient and the male nurse helping me got poo on his forehead. After all isn't life supposed to be about the little things that bring us happiness? Like this blog I started it after I broke up with Paramedic Guy...Ohhh paramedic guy...You know that it is bad when you are talking to one of the nurses that you work with and simultaneously you say, " I bet my fire medic story is better than yours". Then, I was still in nursing school a little naive and didn't know that the firefighters like to shall we say spread the lovein. These days when fire brings us patients we stick to the basics, we give them $#!+, take report and them boot em out.

So Engineer guy and I went shopping this weekend for a new couch and a bed and dresser for me. We had fun looking at at all the different couches and beds. I have moved into his house as you know but I'm not sure it was really what he wanted. I'm not sure how relationships are supposed to go. But he reminded me that at the end of the summer he is going to move into the bedroom that I have all of my stuff in maybe a hint that I need to find my own place. My mind is De boggled. I am not sure how a relationship continues on after you live with someone and then move out. It seems weird to me. It is like he plans his future without me being in it... right in front of me. I know that when he was talking to me about his plans for the future of his place he didn't mean to hurt my feelings but it makes me wonder what am I doing. I hate living in lingo out of boxes and my heart is heavy. I'm not sure that I will ever get this love thing right.

Legend...Ohhh Trisian Just come home...

I think there should be a sport called laying on the couch and watching TV. I am notoriously known for eating, drinking, showering and even having sexual relations whilst parked front and center on the couch. When Engineer guy goes out of town I become even more competitive with myself...pushing the limits to what can be done whilst my butt is on the couch. Why I have even shaved my feet on the couch. No worries I let the dead skin fall to the ground and then I promptly vacuumed them up...still on the couch.

I know some of you might think that this whole sporting event (that I have made up in my mind) might seem sloth-like but I assure you that I am not lazy; I prefer to call it procrastinationalistic at its best. I think I might have even won an award for procrastination, but as rumor might have it ...I didn't attend the ceremonies due in largely by my need to lay on the couch.

Where do you ask did I learn such techniques? Of coarse from the master herself...Ma. She never needed to leave the couch because she tortured Me into doing all the chores that she refused to do from the couch. At least I have some kind of drive... at least I vacuum. I actually believe procrastination is a X dominate trait passed down from generations to generations. My sister it seems too is also inflicted with this trait; however she has 4 kiddos to do all her errands, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. Those kids I tell you what they are efficient. The last time I went to her house I was told by the MP that I could not drive on base ...so my middle niece at 5 yrs old had to drive me around...

So, whilst Engineer guy is out of town next week I will be permanently parked front and center on the couch. I'll pull out my porno Legend of the falls...and say out loud...Ohhhh Tristan come back to me I know I can heal your broken heart. Man I love that move...

PMS isn't that a B!+@#

According to my PMS regulator that I wear on my badge I am at high amount of hormones currently...
So, please excuse me this week if I sound a little B!+@#%...
Ever just have thoughs days where you have a random hair on your chin and you spend hours trying to pick it off your chin...
Or have you ever had thoughs days that you ask your self why do I care really...
I wish sometimes that I had a heart of tin or stone so that my heart would not care as much but much to my brains distern I can not help that feeling of caring about others...
You you can imagine when I uncovered a man tonight with a oxegen hose up his peni...
Tears to my eyes as I try and make him feel comfortable...
Alone and trying not to feel a burning pain to his leg he became hopeless...
This is why I say take my mind before my body starts to give..
He was a sweet man and I did what I could do...
I'm not sure I will not ever be able not to care..
and this is apart of what is wrong with me...

Me at five years old..oh how things change....

A day and a life of me...
up at 9:00 am and then off to work by `1400 (2:00 pm)...
2 Gun Shot Wounds at the same time...
We are not a trauma center and we have to fly these people out!!
my fingers in some 90 ish old womans vagina..
2 MVA at the same time...again fly these young boys out!!
One trauma with a nose that has been removed from a young mans face...Send him to a trauma center...yell at the paramedic..this guy is a trauma get your monitor and he is on a back board in c-spine precations..handle it...they think I am mean..
no I am just serious...this kid could die of shock...
Giving pain drugs that are ten times stronger than morphine IV..
starting an IV on a 6 week old baby in respritory distress..
leaving at 4:00 am..
Molesting Engineer guy...he is a team player...
Then up again to do it all over again..
and you wonder why I am not normal???

You know you are tired when...

You know you are tired when you wake up with a peanut butter sandwich half eaten smashed to the side of your face...
oh and you have to wash the sheets before Engineer guy gets home...
I hope he doesn't read this..

I'm crazy I have finally accepted it...

I am so tired, I mean my new shift at work is 2 pm to 2 am. I know they are out to get me...
Some one is trying to torchure me... I think they are plotting against me...I feel like I should be wearing a letter A on my scrub top. Maybe they think I am a witch or something. I feel like Deme More in the movie "Letter A "(totally not a bad thing right althought the film got bad ratings) I wouldn't mind being her you got to love her hair and she is married to a younger guy, but I heard that he has a small peni...not so good. No you can work with it I think or so I have heard. Maybe he is really good at massaging stuff if you know what I mean. Engineer guy doesn't have that problem so I wouldn't really know I am just guesstimating. ( father I am a virgin I swear, I only see peni at work and let me tell you is isn't pretty). There is nothing pretty about old balls with grey pubs that hang to the ground. Did I just say that out loud, for get that I said that. Moving on I know you all think I have an obsession with peni and I do but can you just accept it and just give me the love. I mean really I am forced to wear the letter A for goodness sakes. Is that wrong? So I have to admit something yes I am p#@@* I moved in with Engineer guy. I know I know I think that he was having Chest pain when I was moving stuff in but he is the love of my life and although it is just for a couple of months I went against the man and hung up my painting in the front room. He is in Vegas right now so he is not aware of my decorations. I just think that he doesn't want me to take over his house, however I thought that if I flashed him my boobs when he gets to the house he won't even notice the painting...What do you think?
The first part of recovery is acceptance...and as my Mother always says all you got to be is pretty...and you wonder what is wrong with me??

Thoughts I ponder...

I wonder if I have broken the world record for "times in one day a person can flush the toilet. "

Seriously I have to pee every five minutes...

and to make that worse Engineer guy's toilet seems to be the new battle of my life. The very dame of my existence...

I think his toilet is plotting against me or something because it knows that poo is the Nemesis of my life.

I mean really shouldn't you just have to flush it once and all the continence should just magically disappear right? Is that too much to ask for I mean really I do turn on mood music and candle lights but nothing helps.

Wrong not when you use his toilet. It seems like you have to stand there and keep your fingers on the flusher for eternity and then maybe just then you will get lucky and it will swirl all of the water down the drain...

except for small pieces of salad you ate the night before...

Go figure?

Life is suppost to be a beach right?

First I would like to say that I am wearing granny panties right now while writing this blog...
Ahhh I wish my life was like a beach. My life then would be practical I would know what to expect. You know the tide would come in everyday and the tide would go out. The best part of that is that the moon would really be my boss of sorts. I wouldn't have control of the fish that pooped in my water, but I know that I wouldn't have to obsess about the bacteria because I would also have fish that ate poop...life would then be grander right??
I have often told Engineer guy that I love him to the deepest end of the ocean till the very last grain of sand and it is true. Communication is not our strong point I have to say and well I am down right stubborn at times and so is he. What I ask you bloggers is what the key to life? I have search long and hard for it but till it evades me. I mean really shouldn't there be some kind of training coarse that we go though in life that prepares us for relationships?Don't you concur? No matter how hard I try and stick to my guns and I have some big ones...guns that is ...okay I have big boobs too...which sometimes causes me trouble but that is a whole other story I will get to sometime soon. Relationships are hard they can be difficult; personally I would choose to go though life without feelings but that I know is no way to live..Damn it Jim I have gone so soft. I guess it is my old age that has cause me to give a s#!+ these days. Tonight more talks about the future...love and the pursuit of happiness. Until then I am wearing granny panties so I don't have pull them out of my crack!

Times are a changing...

First, I would like to start off saying that I have made some mistakes these pasty 3 months that may change the coarse of my life forever. However I have been a woman that first totally freaks out, but then reverts back to my military roots; and tends to pull my self up my boot straps with my loving but crazy family at my side...Having said that I have been through worse times and when one door closes the other door opens... I am optimistic even thought I have probably shed enough tears to flood a lake...I take full responsibility I am human that is fallible as all of us are...
Rules of engagement..
Ruloilo 1: Never Never leave any man behind even if you are not sure that you can drag them out of danger or stop the bleeding...
It has come to my attention that my actions over the last several months (and I am not talking about cheating here) are too much for Engineer guy to handle. I can understand He is just trying to protect his heart. I can be pretty harsh at times coming from a military back-round, and I am pretty sure he is really not ready for responsibility of and "even if" relationship with me that is. So, I have decided to move forward and move into a place of my own. I guess when you make mistakes that you have to pay for the consequences and I am ready to do that although it sometimes is a hard pill to swallow.
Rule 2: My sister and I are BFF but we still have some sibling rivalry between us at times. My family is not normal, but who's family really is. What I can say about them...
In the line of fire they come though with their Amarillo sapotos (yellow shoes) on and will fight for the death of you. My Ma was like this," I can talk all the S#!+ about my children but anything said bad about them she would pull your wig off" A true story. My mother in her younger years happen to pull of the wig off a woman that thought she could take my 5'0 ft 98 lb. Mother in a Bar. I guess Ma showed her. My sister you have to love her...She recently went to Washington DC were my Brother-in_law (FLEW IN FROM IRAQ HIS 3rd. TOUR) and gave a speech about communications. in DC After the party my sister and her mother-in-law decided it would be fun to drink 5 or 6 bottles of wine, where in then sister vomited on her ball room dress and found herself naked on the bed next to her Mother-in Law. Yep that is my sister...
I have no bad feelings...
I am happy to have had the time I have with Engineer guy...
It's time for me to do what is responsible... and with I thank you for listening...

Estava gone...

Estava gone..
Engineer guy is out of town this week and seems like I haven't seen him in forever since last week I was out of town and this week he is in california working and visiting with his brother.
So, I am moving out of my roomates house and into his house...
Kind of weird for both of us:
1: I almost live with him anyway..
2: I have really never lived with a man except for when I was young dumb and married.
3: This is a really big step for him because I a crazy woman due to the very nature of my job.
4: I stick my finger many days were the sun doesn't shine...I mean really I never thought would be touching so many men's peni. I seemed fixated on this very subject I know but like a car accident I can't pull myself away from this very subject.
5: And let me tell you it is a shocker the first time you see old balls...One of the nurses the other day was asking me if it is normal for them to hang so low??
6: How should I know? I am not a guy and I wasn't about to ask one of the Dr. althought they might have thought it intertaining.
7: A fun fact for you all Men when they get older get grey pubs..Why I had no idea untill I was in nursing school...
8: I think I might be a little scarded seeing all the naked people that I have seen in my years as a Nurse.
9: Engineer guy without a fault still wants to have sex with me even after he knows that I have been touching another men's peni...I mean I don't make them cough or anything...okay only one time but I had good reason, and the poor guy just kept saying baseball think about baseball..
10: is that wrong??? Can I just say that the parasympathetic nervous system causes errections and apparently so do I...a compliment I think..
11: Engineer guy's best friend got engaged and moved out last week. It was heart breaking to see how hurt he was since they have lived together for so long. My poor baby is just a guys guy and like to hang with the guys alot. But darn it women come in and take over and he has no choice but to accept change. It's hard growning up...
12: We do live together well since I am a couch potato and usually lay in bed watching tv on my days off...I know i am exciting what can I say, but my job keeps me in fighter flight most of the time so I am just mentally drained as well as physically.
13: I am not complaining really just a little venting and a little lonely this week. I am so soft these days. What happen to the harded girl that could handle anything that was a wild horse and could not be in a commited relationship. Some of the poor guys I have dated. I just kept them so far away from me I think they thought I was like a man. No feelings just fun. However, these days I am hanging in there to couplehood because Engineer guy is such a good man...very handsome...smart.. and sexually chocolate...How can you beat that with a stick...
14: Well off to work tonight seems like i have been talked into working a 4pm to 12 am shift I am such a sucker...
15: I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's day all you mother's out there Rock on!!!

I am reminded...

Blogger's United...
This is where we all put our fists in the air and say turn that frown up-side down!!
I received a comment that reminded me that things could always be worse!!!
and that even thought things might seem dismal, even bleak; even things might seem as if everyday I might have to give a soap suds enema...
You can always just lube up with the J/Y and hope for oranges...
and so this too shall pass!!!
Today I turn things around. I am reminded that President Lincoln tried approximately 11 times (please don't quote me on that one my history is rusty) to become President before finally winning and becoming one of the quintessential Men of our day. He even had wooden teeth; I am assuming that was a good thing.
and just so you know J/Y jelly is good for many things other that it's intended use..
Yes...a trial by fire!!!
Thanks blog land...

This picture describes my life....

There was a photo of a man on a beach laying on his side with his testicals hangin out however I was unsuccessful at plublishing this picture...I am not sure why...so
until then you all are going to have to use your imagination!


In a nutt shell..Okay so maybe his nutt is not in a shell..Life, Liberty, and the pursue of happiness is what we all aspire to attain, but what makes us happy??For many years I have not given myself an option for failure. Failure, I repeat has not been an option, but as I would chose not to see it (because denial always has worked bestfor me) I have have done the almost impossible...Admission of failure to myself and some of the people that I love..I would love to go through life hard as a rock, solid in my own mind but I am no longer that Super woman that I was in kindergarden that my mother worked so hard to sew for me...I am indeed a woman that has some problems that I must face...How do you deal with making mistakes in your life I ask you old faithful readers of mine...I would like to of coarse talk about the last succces of my life the baseball size abcess that I... I &D'ed. I would love to talk about the yellow, green serioussangous fluid that oozed from the laceration that I inflicted, but even that story doesn't cheer me up...Tell me fellow bloggers...how have you successfully dealt falling short....P.S. I hope you enjoyed the pic of the day!!!

It's Official..I had to draw in my eyebrow

It's official...
and some un-offical rules:

A: I have finally become full on cholla (slang for Mexican girl born is USA or that grew up in east LA and hung out at echo park)(hey I don't make up the slang I am just trying relay the Mexican slang code as much as I can interpret myself)

or

B: I have turned into my mother.

Either way I look at it; it is like I have crossed some right of passage that most Mexican girls do when they are fifteen. The family throws a huge party that can be really tachy (as evidence of all the plastic flowers and not even the good kind that can fool the eye; the party is really expensive called a Quinceanera.Every girl wears a dress with fluffy pink shoulders that burry any sign of life and a princess train that is so cumbersome that one is unable to sit all night.I have actually seen girls fall over due to the sheer force of the Quinceanera dress. A force that was beyond the control of the matriarchal women in the family. It's like the ghost that is passed on from generations to generations. Most Mexican families swear that they have had a ghost living in their basement at one time or the other.

On my white Dad's side of the family (I am sorry should I have said the political term for white, Okay redneck side of my family came from Arkansas.)They also had a right of passage at fifteen. It was called, "Oh $#!+ I'm pregnant with my step-brothers child I better get married or my Dad is going to kill me" (a true story by the way)

So you ask yourself what could cause this right of passage. I was grooming my face 2 days ago when I accidently shaved off half of my eyebrow. $#!+ (my grandmothers favorite word in english). Now what do I do? I am perplexed how could I let this happen. So what did I do?

Like any Cholla girl would do I drew them on with a eyeliner stick. I was hoping by the end of the day that my new black eyebrows would not smug off, but I was unsuccessful at that endever. So with my smugged eyebrows I looked into the mirrow only to find that I looked like my Mother. Yikes I screamed.

Oh my mother is a beautiful woman at the age of 45 (the age she admits too), But she seems to get stuck in certain decades. I like to say that her eyebrows (think Pamela Anderson) are round and very thin and for years she drew them in... plucking them till they were almost not there. The 70's decade that she is not willing to let go off. Then there is the 80's decade that her permed hair is unwilling to leave with the bangs and all...

So you can see my delema. So, I drew black eyeliner on my lips filled the rest of my lips in with red lipstick. I am hopping that Engineer Guy is into my new look!

It's Official..

Ever go to work....

Sh!+ that plagues my mind...

1. Ever go to work with next day hair??

a) yes, my hair did look a bit unmanaged to put it politely: I have over active sebaceous glads! Gosh (it was oily)

b)To my defence 0430 AM comes about really fast...

2. Even more troublesome ever go to work with 2Nd. day eyeshadow...

a)Why I was still sparkle girl at 0430 AM I figured why not keep it that way I'd be extra fresh..


b) No worries I washed up the Vagina parts including and the ever so left out at times the anus and the underarms of course...Not that I ever forget but lets just say it run into it a time or too on the job..

c) Hey I don't look at every anus that walks though the door of the hospital Just the Dirty ones fall into my care...

3. Ever get to work and feel the urge to Poop?

a) you have no idea how troublesome this is to me...

b) half of the time I lie to myself Most of the time I have convinced myself that I never do #2.

c) I hate it when this happens and I am forced to will myseld into thinking that I don't have to poop!

The cure to all this photop is to drink two glasses of wine and remember to take an Aspirin in the morning..
Just telling it like it is :)

Things to ponder?

1. My mother found my sister's vibrator in the closet when she was helping my sister move!
2. My sister who is married with 4 children, Called me and said," I can't believe Mom found my vibrator...She acted like she didn't see it , but she might-as-well have hit me with the bible"
3. I told my sister to remember the Catholic Girl Code, If you act like it didn't happen then It really didn't happen.
4. Which brings me to my next fun fact to ponder....Why ohhhh why do men stick 60 watt light bulbs up there back end?? I mean really don't they worry that the light bulb might break??
5. They come to the ER and they know that we are going to do an x-ray they only admit to it after there is proof?? More things to ponder...
6. When I was 23 yrs old I went to the GYNO for my yearly pap smear. I always choose a male Dr. that is the oldest fart I can find so that he is conservative... and has probably seen it all but is past his time of caring to much about seeing everything... and I hate the boob checks...
Disclaimer: I think it is very important to check your breast every month...
But doesn't is seem funny to have your Dr. who reminds you of your grandfather checking your boobs..."I was like is it normal for the Dr. to pinch and squeeze your nipples??" My mother assured me that it was part of the exam...
7. I was really dumb back then and I thought that it was normal...Then then He asked into his office and proceeded to ask me if I was being safe... and if I had put anything up in my stuff that should have not been there???
8. What??? I had no idea what he was talking about and I turned bright red with embarrassment..
9. Next came the exam....Gosh I was so dumb
10. He had the nerve to stick his finger in my back end...
11. Again I asked my mother if this was normal?? and she said yes....
12. And you wonder what is wrong with me???

just a quick note before I work...

Heading the land of the brave nurses...sheeesh..county
Did I really say that I wanted to be a nurse...just kidding!!!
Well, just for a quick note..my gayboyfriend says he is not cheating on me but we will see..
He does like alot of attention...okay so..do I what am I talking about???
I am heading to Engineer guy's house tonight for dinner..
He we have had some troubles but hopefully he can weather the time with me...
I really do love him...
I made him go to the foot doctor...
It kills me to see him hurt in any mannor...including the pain that I have inflicked on him...
So, Love just know that I am thinking of you...
Oh and all my peeps..too...
check you all out when I get home.....interested in what you have to say...
Hopefully I will not have to see to naked people today...but that is no promise....
take care...again...thanks for stick with me...all of you...keeps my spirtit up!!!
CongrandS one the 5 lbs. Micheal...I know your heart is happy...and so am I!!!!

Why is my life so complicated....

I swear that my life is like a trashy romance novel...
Having a gay boyfriend is very demanding especially when he threatens to cheat on you with another nurse...
and the other nurse happens to have a crazy drama life of her own...
Why me??
I find my self in the most particular situations...
You see loyalty is very important to me...I don't want to tell my gay boyfriend why he should not be involved with this particular nurse...and well why would he want to cheat on me anyway..I mean I get all of his jokes....I am not put off because his mother wants him to eat her barnacles off her feet...His Brother answers the door stark naked...with spray bottles everywhere with various cleaning agents....No, I am not turned off...in fact I find it funny....
Besides she has told me personal things in strick confidence...
Where do I draw the line....
Why me??
Here is what I am finding out nurses are crazy...strait up just crazy anything and everything can happen and does...
I try to stay out of the mix but I can't help myself...
I wonder daily if I am going nuts too...worried about everyone and everything....
Life is a Battle field....
but my life is exciting so I can't complain to much....
and having a gay boyfriend is so great...It is all about the love...it is like having a girlfriend that always wants to talk to you about stuff...
I'm blessed...anyway I already told him...he's going to be wrecked up...He makes me laugh cause he gets me...and I get him...So gay boyfriend cheat on me if you want to but I warn you and you know that I am always right...just like I was right about hep C

Feeling much better...brighter days ahead of me no worries

Dear Peeps,
Thanks for all of your support...
Life is different now but I am better...
So, one of my nurse friends calls me the other day...
His mother is about 75 yrs. old, a kingdergarden teacher still and lives for the movie "Pirates of the Carribean"
She leaves him a message...
Rob I'm taking a bath right now (mind you the very thought of her taking a bath is just wrong) and so anywho she says, "I'm taking a bath right now and I am washing the barnicals off my feet do you want to eat them??"
I swearr...I thought I was going to die of a laughing coniption...
And he says to me and you wonder why I am an ER nurse???