Dare I say it...

I was pondering the this fact the other day...

Other day: I pondered to myself...what is the sweetest thing a man has ever said to you??

HMMMMMMMM...dare I say it...I mean what will people in blog land think of me...and then and then...I was reading a favorite fellow bloggers blog and she said...some people some people hide behind their blog...as if to have this make-belief character...that is not at all who they are...and I said to myself...

Self...it is riska'...should you tell it...can we talk sex here...I mean if i can tell you all about my friends bamboo ass I guess I can tell you what is the sweetest thing a man ever told me....and I quote this is straight from his mouth...

I mean does it get any sweeter than this....
Last night was amazing.....I haven't had chemistry like that with somebody in a long time....or sex with somebody as beautiful as you ever. = ) I have to admit that I was shocked everything happened too but like you said we only live once.

and there you have it...ahhh the memories...I degress...I have to look fondly back at my life...

Go figure?....

These Are My Conversations..What's Wrong With Me...

Me: So wow that food I cooked was good but man my stomach is tore up...

Friend: my stomach is tore up too...I have like been in the bathroom ten times today..

Me: Really ar you okay?

Friend: Yes, I am fine but my ass feels like a bamboo butt...

Me: Really...a bamboo butt?? was it my dinner??

Friend: No it was the taco bell I ate today or maybe it was the 12 beers I had last night..

Me: Do you ahhhh have hemrroids??Do you need me to take a look at your butt??

Friend: No I do not have hemrroids and I do not need you to look at my bamboo butt hole??

Me: Why not? how do you know that you do not have hemrroids?? I might need to take a look...I mean I am a nurse...I see that sort of thing all the time...

Friend: I have had hemrroids before because one time one time I pushed to hard...and I felt them...

Me: Are you sure that you do not need me to look?? when did you have hemrriods...

Friend: No, you haven't see my bamboo butt before and your not looking at it...and I am sure that I do not have hemrroids...and I am not telling you when I had hemrroids...

Me: I'm sorry that your butt feels sore and like a bamboo butt...

Friend: thanks...I mean for caring about my sore bamboo butt...

What is sad people is that this kind of talk goes on all the time...I can't turn it off people...it never ends..I almost talked him into it thougth...I almost had him...

UMMMM Yeah So.....

So it has come to my attention that my family is not the only crazy and bizarre family around...

I mean...so yeah my family will pick your head until it is picked clean of zits...and they may drink a little to much and then go thought the Carls Jr. drive though at like 3:00 am in the morning and then say, "hey burrito guy"(me saying, there's no burrito guy here this a fast food burger joint sister) while she is swirling her underwear around her pointer finger....hey burrito guy...look at me underwear...ummmm...no there are no carne asda burritos here with guacamole and sour cream...

Okay so it has come to my attention that some families have weird ways of dealing with accidents…Picture this…17 male 2nd degree burns to the face, neck and arms…and what do they do…family puts egg…then get this…toothpaste…and then and then…they put mustard…mustard??? WTF Can you say ouch…seriously no seriously what were they thinking??? Don’t worry all…the doctor at first thought that he was at a hot dog stand when it somehow blew up and splashed mustard and mayo all over him…but then we kinda got the story...and oh yeah despite the side condiments he is fine…

Go figure?

What's Wrong With ME...

So, I got sucked in...I mean really sucked in...

I said I really do not think that I will like it...I only like the really deal...

I'm not sure I can handle the drama...and I think I see this kind of stuff all the time at work...

Yep...sucked in...you guessed it people I have been watching the videos of "NIP & TUCK"

Wow and I thought I had a crazy drama life...not anything like Christians...

Sex...drugs...rock-in-roll....could it get any better than this...

I degress...yes...i have turned to the TV to make my life exciting....or at least to get a glimps of someone having mind blowing sex....

So you think you can dance....

In my ever relently attempt to keep my butt from falling to the ground and dragging to the ground I attempt to make it to the gym several times a week...

and who do I see at my my gym...mister " I live to torcher you doctor guy"...so let me explain...

Single ER doctor that I love to torcher...who thinks I am completely an idoit...or at least he knows that I am realy really new since I handed him an ET tube backward and he like hit the respritory therapist(slap) with it...ohhhh my bad I claim...sorry this is my first intibation...yes I am an idiot.. Sure ahhh yeah I know what I am doing...

I feel bad for him...he says to me at the gym...so you go to this gym uhh?...OUCH...maybe he is saying...wow...not her again....

Quick...I act like I know what I am doing lifting the chest weights...yes...so I am really clumbsy do my job...but...ahhhh i can work out...are you impressed.??..I degress...I am afraid not he probably doesn't even care...
why me...really why me...
One day...you just wait one day....

Can you say...ummmmm Hard as a Rock

First I would like to tell you all that ummmm Dog the Bounty Hunter is my new crush...So you ask me what is it about Dog that you love?

I think it is his really long string dyed blond hair..or that fact that he feathers it up in the front where it like sticks out bigger than my bangs that I had in high school...

Or maybe it is all his kids...he has nine or that fact that he likes to hunt fugatives...or the tight leather pants or Big Big can of Mace....I not really sure what it is but he is my new facination....

So, can you say hard as a rock...okay this is not even right...so if your swimish do not read this part...but you know know that I love to gross everyone out...

Here is goes...ummmmm at what point do you seek out medical help...really do you like wait untill you arm falls off...or wait untill your whole leg is black and necrotic, oozing green stuff...smelling like something died in it and then say hey...maybe I should like get that looked at...

So...ever heard of Priprism......Ohhhh the priprism.....an errection that's right I said errection that last more than 4-6 hrs...

Well let's just say people if you have an errection that last for more than 4-6 hours due to the new drugs like Viagra or Cealis...Get help...I repeat get help...

Do not wait because if you do.... your Peni might fall off...that's right people I said it your Penis(penis, penis, penis...I love saying that) might fall off...

So, the other day someone had priprism...his errection started at 6:00 am and he did not seek help until 11:00 pm...I think he was told it might fall off...we had to drain it...that's right I said drain it...he looked like frankinstein..with two neelde inserted (i told you not everyone could handle this story) bilaterally at the base of Peni.....

and the moral to this story...do not wait untill your legs, arms, Penis...fall off to get help...it might just fall off if you don't....

MIA...can you say Missing in Action....

Okay so the past several weeks I have been trying to figure out the broken peices of my life...
I know I am emotional right now...It's PMS...there I said it...PMS

PMS aka for I have been really bitchy and emotional all at the same time...

How can this happen to me...darn...darnnnnn

So, anywho...whilst I try to figure out the broken peices of my life...I have been having some fun...in the sun...

but still have many things to work out...you guessed it..most of all of this has to do with "Mister Guy" who still has not stopped calling...

Am I destined to have this pain linger amounst my heart fer ever...

well...more later I must get ready for work...where at least all the crazies love me...

My Most

What the F@#$ was I thinking??

Okay so you all know that I am going to cabo in October...a long ass time away..so why in the H E double hocky sticks am I busting my ass right now to get into prime shape...

Let's just say that although I loved the Hip Hop class ( I could not remember all of the moves to save my life and watching other people confused me more)...but hey I loved the work out...it reminded me of my old dancing days...

My Arse is sore...I admit it people I am not that 25 yr old girl that I am in my mind anymore..I woke up with a serious neck pain..and then and then I knew...my Ass is old...I mean you would think that a girl of my age would still be able to kick up her heels and break out the moves with out having to use a wheelchair the next day...

What was I thinking...I was thinking that my ass has got to get in to prime(butt standing at attention) so that I am not like the only girl there wearing a rap..cause my ass is dragging the ground...hey...give me a break..I'm working on it...

Until then I will be taking advil...lots..drinking a lot of water...and oh yeah beer...its Friday and I am going out with my peeps...wohoo...

Hip Hop Hurray....ooooooohhhhh

In an effort to keep my ass standing up..to keep my butt from dragging to the ground I am in fact embarking on a new workout adventure...

The hip hop dance class...
Let's just say people that I think I can dance...just ask my friends...for instance this past Friday I thought it would be hot to dance on the stage of a well known upscale bar here in the valley...and uhhhh well some how I had visions of my old cheerleader days (it must have been all the martinis) and I thought that I would practice a basket catch...and uhhhh I ate dirt...but I recovered really fast..picked myself up and once again began busting out my moves...

Now there is a point to this story...cause you know that I always have a point...
Point in case: I am able to dance to my own grove ( I might fall down but I always get up) but I might embarrass myself in this class if I have to follow directions…I mean I might get visions of my old cheerleader days and decide to shake my grove thing the wrong way…good thing there will not be any martinis there or I might try to get everyone in a pyramid….

Men...What Part of Men of Honor Do You Not Understand...

Call me crazy...call me a woman that has been asked when are your balls going to drop...

What part of Truth...Honor...Faith...Do you not understand...

When I believe in something I can't be persueded..there is no changing my mind..so then what happens...I stand for something and I am a B#@$% ...I say if you do not stand for something then you will fall for anything...

Faith...Truth...Honor...is what my father has taught me...do I not deserve that much...

Proof People that I No Longer Need the Aqua Net...

My identity reviled...That's right people...I figured it out...

Okay not really... I really bribed Q by showing him my big boobs again...again...

So, I just wanted everyone to know that I have indeed given up the aqua net...and the frosted lipstick..but not the green eyeshadow...because well you can't give up all of your youth...

Yes, that is "Mister Guy" in the back round who who...will not stop calling me....

Hip Hip Hurray for Aqua Net Hair Spray..

I was reminded this morning while reading Awaiting blog of how ridiculous you look and are in high school...

Vision it..big brown permed hair...blue-green eye shadow (OMG if you could see how slutty it looked) huge, huge bangs (who did not have them) Pink frosted lip stick..I have full round lips and with the frosted lipstick you could barley see them...Hey I have see women still still wearing this shade of lipstick (someone should tell them..hey I can't see your lips)....

So, one morning the torcher of my life..what happen? what could make me loss my mind and like decide that I was all of a sudden sick unable to attend school that day...I ran out of hair spray...

I almost died I tell you..died...MOM how could you let me run out of the aqua net hair spray???
You know that every morning I have to put on my helmet of hair spray...for thoughts of you that are male this is equivalent to not being able to play in the Friday night football game....

Of course my mother would not let me stay home and yelled at me for crying in the car all the way to school...I tell her..you must must not love me to make me go to school with out my crutch..all day all I could think about was how my bangs fell and how terrible I must look because my bangs were not 3 inces (okay 5 inches) high...

It was the torcher of my life..thank God I did not run out of frosted lipstick and green eye shadow or else or else I surely would not make it thought the day...

Go figure?

My Gift....

Last night whilst I was working in the ER we have an ambo bring in “MAN DOWN”…

Turns out “Young Guy” is a quadriplegic (all extremities effected) apparently gun shot wound to the neck..sad I know but this is not what I found out..

So we are doing are magic trying to save this guys life…I say, “Hey everyone , I think I smell “MARY JANE” on our boy…They say, “ what no way your crazy” (he had a trach) “ what do you think he is smoking through his trach?” Turns out is urine tox came back and guess what guess what people I was RIGHT…that’s right people…it’s a gift…I always find out…I feel them out… no getting away with it…no hiding it from me…

So, do I care if people do drugs…no…Of coarse not it is their prerogative no judgment my way really…just tell me the truth so I can give you the best care really…really I mean that…and there you have it my gift…DRUG FINDER OUT GIRL/ ROLLER-DERBY GIRL..

Go Figure?

Roller Durby Here I Come....

My new obsession...because you know that I always have to be obsessed with something...

Roller Durby...that's right people I said it...me...in fish nets ...roller skates...tight hot pants...ohhhh yeah!!!!

So, last week at "computer guy's" party I met some girls that wanted me to be apart of the new roller durby team...my responce hell ya!!! I get to "what" kick some ass...oh yeah!!!!

So, tonight I'm on my way to the skateland...I can see it now..visions of the people cheering me on as my team wins the victory...some how, some way ...I will be famous people...even if it is in my own mind....

hey it could happen...

Welcome to my world.....

So, today I finally went apartment shopping...or at least that might be what you call it cause I only went to one place...and I really did not shop for it.."computer guy" said hey why don't you check this place out...

Ahhh spoiled already..what can I say he handles business...
I say I can only afford something in the lower hundreds because I am a new nurse...I am only an ER nurse for the glamour of it all...definitely not for the pay.....

They say we have 2 big pools, a tennis court (porque it's hot here who the hell plays tennis), there are many barbeques around the campus, you have laundry facilities around the corner (a dollar to wash, 50 cents to dry) (yeah I love walking in the heat to wash clothes) covered parking that is first come first serve, and and the apartment is furnished with great 1970's furniture.

I say do I really have to keep the white washed tables in the living room...she says ahhh we do not have storage so yeah you have too...what? forced to keep 1970's end tables...can it get any better than this??? I say where is the dishwasher...she says you are the dish washer...ohhhh my..okay...

The apartment is all inclusive...you get electric, water, and cable in included for the low low price of 655.00 a month...

I say how many square footage is it...ohh I am guest mating 700 sq feet....

I'll take it...hey anything is better than living with "Mister guy" hey they do not have online halo there that's a plus...

hey I always wanted to live in an apartment with one wall of paneling...

Seriously what was he thinking...

So I am at work...in scrubs mind you...

I walk in a patients room who has a spider bite on his lower abdomen...I say pull down your pants a little so I can get a better look at the bite (He has a puss wound that was red and it was really close to his pubic area) He smiles...I ask him if he is in pain...he says yes...

I know that he is a former Drug user...he admits that he is now in recovery from using crack cocaine...I think nothing of it (I see this kind of stuff all the time) but I tell him that I will not be giving him any narcotics cause I do not want him to backslide...he agrees and says thanks for thinking of his recovery...he smiles more...

As I am dressing his lacerated wound...he says so are you married?? I say No...He then says do you have a boyfriend...

I now look at him in amazement...man does he really think that I would want to get involved with someone who is a crack addict?? Does he think that I am impressed with his so called 15 day sobriety stint...

Seriously, seriously what was he thinking…I mean good for him that he is trying to get his act together, but why spider bite guy would you think that I would even think about giving you my number…I am astonished….plus I am a professional I am not going to give my number to a patient unless of coarse it was like Mathew McCaughney..then hey I might write it on his dressing and I might even say oh your going to have to take thoughs pants off so that I can dress your wound appropriately...no shame in my game...

No former crack head guy….not gonna happen just not gonna happen

I'm Just saying....

Improvise

Adapt

&

Overcome

One time in Bancock when the world started turning....

I seen and angle standing next to me...( me attempting again to sing a song that I totally probably got the words wrong to)...

Can you say beautiful people party...yes that's right...

You say when, where and with who???

I do not know what I did to have such a wonderful life lately...it is like one big party...

So, "Computer Guy" and I are going to Cabo San Lucas...Sammy Hagar here I come...

When in October...ahhh I am dreaming about it right now...

Can I just say that "Computer Guy" is like soooo great....I mean people his guy cracks me up...I could talk to him for hours on the phone about nothing at all....

See my face I'm smiling...I am glowing...ahhhhh life is sweet....

You know it is great when you meet someone who likes likes you for you...appreciates the little things...the little things...man where have you been my whole life...I mean this guy takes my breath away...

He had a party on Saturday...It was soooo fun...His friends really liked me...they really liked me...

He really likes me...did I say that I was glowing...cause I think I am glowing...

You know it can happen... you can find someone who compliments you...that completes you (I know that is sooo cheesy..who cares..I'm all in) He's handsome, he's fit, he makes me want to be the best that I can be, he's successful, he's funny..OMG he is soooo funny...did I say that he was funny...
It's definately a new day...
One time in Bancock when the world starts turning.....ohhhhh yeahhhhh