Now that I have your attention. I felt like looking a a ball today so I pulled this pic out of my personal stash. Now I wish that this ball was shaven because I really can only appreciate balls that are smooth but beggars can't be choosers.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
And these are the days of my life...
Now that I have your attention. I felt like looking a a ball today so I pulled this pic out of my personal stash. Now I wish that this ball was shaven because I really can only appreciate balls that are smooth but beggars can't be choosers.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
On my way home alive
I'm on my way home...
check it with you later stay tuned to see pics of the first wives club and hear the tatered stories of my travel!!!
check it with you later stay tuned to see pics of the first wives club and hear the tatered stories of my travel!!!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sorry for my absents...
After almost dieing from a GI bleed last week I think I have an ulcer. Go figure I would die from a GI bleed and not something more dramatic like gun shot wound. Needless to say I had to see the Dr. when I was with my high school friend that I haven't seen for 17 years... and and admit that the Dr. indeed violated me and put his finger in my tail. At least I got some pain medicine. The last time I was violated by my GYNO at the tender age of 23 yrs. old I asked my Ma is that normal for the GYNO to put his finger in my tail and she said yes...I saw no benefit from this and He didn't even offer me a shot of tequila. What kind of freaky stuff she is accustom to... I don't know because when I was older and asked my GYNO if this was normal during a paps smear HE stated and I quote, " I generally only use that tech for my geriatric patients" WHAT? Violated...With KY jelly at only 23. Not surprising that I know many different uses for KY jelly than the intended use.
If I ever felt like an old lady it is right now. I have been drinking down Milanta and eating Pilosec. Now there has to be something wrong with that picture. Hopefully it is just H-pilor that I might of picked up from Mexico since I find myself a worldly traveler since I have still not gotten a Job...Oh it is in the works...I'm intently looking for a sexologist job right now I know it is right the coroner i can feel it...No pun intended!
If I ever felt like an old lady it is right now. I have been drinking down Milanta and eating Pilosec. Now there has to be something wrong with that picture. Hopefully it is just H-pilor that I might of picked up from Mexico since I find myself a worldly traveler since I have still not gotten a Job...Oh it is in the works...I'm intently looking for a sexologist job right now I know it is right the coroner i can feel it...No pun intended!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
My New Job...
Whilst watching the boob tube the other day I noticed a job that I thought I'm a nurse I could totally do that. Being a nurse could be part of my credentials plus like I could like get a couple of written statements with signatures from the past Loves of my life "at the time Guy".
Sexologist...
It is not what your thinking...
It would be helping couples gain a better sense of intimacy...
and I would tell the wife to definitely flash boobage way more..
I got tons of Ideas..
It will be like I am always the brides maid and never the bride..
but tons of funnnnn!!
Sexologist...
It is not what your thinking...
It would be helping couples gain a better sense of intimacy...
and I would tell the wife to definitely flash boobage way more..
I got tons of Ideas..
It will be like I am always the brides maid and never the bride..
but tons of funnnnn!!
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Hey I am sending you all a shout out from San Diego. I have been letting the wind blow through my hair, eating all the bad food that I can get my hands on. Whilst walking though the San Diego Zoo I was reminded that last week I was trying so hard to make sure I worked out that I actually fell asleep on the elliptical. I know I was kind of in shock too but let me tell you what muscle memory can do for you. You can actually fall asleep with your feet and legs still moving. I thought I might call Guinness world record to see if anyone has attempted that fate. Let me know if you have a clue. Guinness here I come!!
Saturday, November 01, 2008
In the name of love..
Because I am famous in my mind I thought it appropriate to reveal some know or unknown facts about myself therefor sealing my fate as a famous person if it only in my mind.
1. My left big toe nail fell off. Due to my running the trails at a speed of a snail. My toenail bruised and then proceeded to pull away from me.
2. I am traumatized by my big toe nail situation. I only pulled the last of it off the other day and I have worn sock ever since to hide my ugly toe. I can't even get a pedicure and that is almost against the law.
3. Sometimes I obsess about the wrinkles that might appear on my forehead. I try and not wrinkle my eyes because I want to keep that fresh look about me. Aging is not a process that I am taking a liking to.
4. No secrete to thoughts that no me I think my boobs are my best physical feature and a source of many of my blog writings.
5. To my greatest fear I have become a lot like my mother. My mother has a pill for everything. So, I have a pill for everything. I take every know vitamin known to man. Got gas I got Beanno. Constipated I have fiber pills. Still constipated I got gloves and JY jelly for lubing you up. I have plenty of practice since I have been working as a nurse. Got heart burn I got zantac. Got nausea I got phenergan. Have asthma I have an albuterol inhaler.... and so on and so forth.
6. I can never shut off the nurse in me. Stub your toe I will baby you for comfort.
7. My family thinks sending me naked pictures of old women and men is funny. Why just this morning my cousin "big muscle guy" sent me a text wishing me a happy Halloween with an old naked woman. What I don't get is that this woman actually let someone take a picture of her. Maybe she wanted to be noticed for her wrinkled up body. Boobs deflated something to look forward to.
8. I am directionally challenged I get lost even with directions in front of me. I think that it is genetic.
9. My hair is my nemisis and it has been every color on the wheel. At times it has turned against me for coloring it so much.
10. I live by the Catholic girl code, if I don't remember it never happen.
11. In the name love I often have to suck it up and take one for the team. That includes putting myself in uncomfortable and unfamilar places for the people that I love. I know I am a marder. Usually there is nothing that I wouldn't do for my friends and that includes sticking my fingers into places for the sake of my hipocratic oath that I took the very day I became a nurse.
sincerely
Darn girl
1. My left big toe nail fell off. Due to my running the trails at a speed of a snail. My toenail bruised and then proceeded to pull away from me.
2. I am traumatized by my big toe nail situation. I only pulled the last of it off the other day and I have worn sock ever since to hide my ugly toe. I can't even get a pedicure and that is almost against the law.
3. Sometimes I obsess about the wrinkles that might appear on my forehead. I try and not wrinkle my eyes because I want to keep that fresh look about me. Aging is not a process that I am taking a liking to.
4. No secrete to thoughts that no me I think my boobs are my best physical feature and a source of many of my blog writings.
5. To my greatest fear I have become a lot like my mother. My mother has a pill for everything. So, I have a pill for everything. I take every know vitamin known to man. Got gas I got Beanno. Constipated I have fiber pills. Still constipated I got gloves and JY jelly for lubing you up. I have plenty of practice since I have been working as a nurse. Got heart burn I got zantac. Got nausea I got phenergan. Have asthma I have an albuterol inhaler.... and so on and so forth.
6. I can never shut off the nurse in me. Stub your toe I will baby you for comfort.
7. My family thinks sending me naked pictures of old women and men is funny. Why just this morning my cousin "big muscle guy" sent me a text wishing me a happy Halloween with an old naked woman. What I don't get is that this woman actually let someone take a picture of her. Maybe she wanted to be noticed for her wrinkled up body. Boobs deflated something to look forward to.
8. I am directionally challenged I get lost even with directions in front of me. I think that it is genetic.
9. My hair is my nemisis and it has been every color on the wheel. At times it has turned against me for coloring it so much.
10. I live by the Catholic girl code, if I don't remember it never happen.
11. In the name love I often have to suck it up and take one for the team. That includes putting myself in uncomfortable and unfamilar places for the people that I love. I know I am a marder. Usually there is nothing that I wouldn't do for my friends and that includes sticking my fingers into places for the sake of my hipocratic oath that I took the very day I became a nurse.
sincerely
Darn girl
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Today I present the funnies...
I just thought that I needed a laugh today. I hope you find some comic relief as I need it as well and what more do I find funny that to talk about sex!!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
With much power comes an even great responsibility...
With much power comes an even greater responsibility...
Isn't amazing that in this whole wide world I would find a common bond with people that write the most intimate details of their lives... whether that be about the cigarette that they lit after an amazing session of 5 hour sex or the day that there child graduated from kindergarten. It seems that a force greater than the power of being finds bloggers that understand your triumphs as well as your failures. It seems that they are there to pick you up when you need a loving hand or smile at your constant stories of boob flashing to make yourself feel better. Over the past 2 and a half years I have shared my first time of having sexual intercourse (doesn't that sound sterile?)How about sexual chocolate ( I think I like that better) (Father I swear that last statement was only for story interest so not true)Moving on to the time that I had to leave Paramedic guy due to his ingression's. It seems that I have found people that really understand me even though we share only the Internet. I am writing about this because I have been inspired by one of my blogger friends. Now I like to give credit where credit is due and we all have situations that inspire us to write after all isn't that what it is all about?? Inspiration
I would like to quote something that hits me down to the very electrical force that hits the AV node of my heart. I would like to publicly thank him for helping me see some light to my darkest days and remember what it is that makes my heart tick. And I quote "
Isn't amazing that in this whole wide world I would find a common bond with people that write the most intimate details of their lives... whether that be about the cigarette that they lit after an amazing session of 5 hour sex or the day that there child graduated from kindergarten. It seems that a force greater than the power of being finds bloggers that understand your triumphs as well as your failures. It seems that they are there to pick you up when you need a loving hand or smile at your constant stories of boob flashing to make yourself feel better. Over the past 2 and a half years I have shared my first time of having sexual intercourse (doesn't that sound sterile?)How about sexual chocolate ( I think I like that better) (Father I swear that last statement was only for story interest so not true)Moving on to the time that I had to leave Paramedic guy due to his ingression's. It seems that I have found people that really understand me even though we share only the Internet. I am writing about this because I have been inspired by one of my blogger friends. Now I like to give credit where credit is due and we all have situations that inspire us to write after all isn't that what it is all about?? Inspiration
I would like to quote something that hits me down to the very electrical force that hits the AV node of my heart. I would like to publicly thank him for helping me see some light to my darkest days and remember what it is that makes my heart tick. And I quote "
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Can I please call a 1-900 number to help me get over my grief?
I am still over come by grief and loss of Engineer guy. I don't Know how I let myself get to this far. I have tried thinking of ways to get over the constant sadness that racks havoc in my heart.
I thought that I might find a group of women and men that might be able to help me fill the space in my heart. Maybe I should start a 1-900 broken heart line to help me pay my bills and mend my heart.
Got any other ideas?
I have tried to take a bath...
No help
I have tried wine
Not the answer
I tried working out only good for my butt did not thank me..
No ease at all
I called my high sch0ol girlfriend
She was wonderful to catch up with my heart still hurts
I have immersed myself into the private and shady life of one of my girlfriends. I was at court with her all day during her divorce proceeding it got kind of nasty...
It only helped for a bit..
I tried to read all of the funny blogs that I Love to follow..
I couldn't think of any witty comments...no help
I tried wine again
Still didn't help
I showed my boobs to my girlfriend, my girlfriend's sister and her Mother. I even showed my nipples. Hey this is an emergency I had to pull out all the my tricks out of the bag.
It helped a little to have them fondled and to be told that they were nice, but that only lasted as long as one night. It helped enough for me to go onto Oprah and suggest that his might be a good way to cure the blues for at least an hour or too.
I took another shower, put on some make-up did my hair and when to target to play that old game of look at me and give me some attention.
It worked for a minute until I thought that the only attention I was getting was from the old me that were there either buying tampons or walking behind their wife's. Hey I am moral I thought that they should have waited to look until they were their on their own accord.
What is a girl to do?
I even tried to watch " Legends of the Falls" even Tristan couldn't help me...
Don't get crazy if here were here in person on my behalf and lets just say all my clothes fell off I might think that oh who am I kidding I know it would work. Tristan please come to me... where are you Tristan when I need you the most?
I thought that I might find a group of women and men that might be able to help me fill the space in my heart. Maybe I should start a 1-900 broken heart line to help me pay my bills and mend my heart.
Got any other ideas?
I have tried to take a bath...
No help
I have tried wine
Not the answer
I tried working out only good for my butt did not thank me..
No ease at all
I called my high sch0ol girlfriend
She was wonderful to catch up with my heart still hurts
I have immersed myself into the private and shady life of one of my girlfriends. I was at court with her all day during her divorce proceeding it got kind of nasty...
It only helped for a bit..
I tried to read all of the funny blogs that I Love to follow..
I couldn't think of any witty comments...no help
I tried wine again
Still didn't help
I showed my boobs to my girlfriend, my girlfriend's sister and her Mother. I even showed my nipples. Hey this is an emergency I had to pull out all the my tricks out of the bag.
It helped a little to have them fondled and to be told that they were nice, but that only lasted as long as one night. It helped enough for me to go onto Oprah and suggest that his might be a good way to cure the blues for at least an hour or too.
I took another shower, put on some make-up did my hair and when to target to play that old game of look at me and give me some attention.
It worked for a minute until I thought that the only attention I was getting was from the old me that were there either buying tampons or walking behind their wife's. Hey I am moral I thought that they should have waited to look until they were their on their own accord.
What is a girl to do?
I even tried to watch " Legends of the Falls" even Tristan couldn't help me...
Don't get crazy if here were here in person on my behalf and lets just say all my clothes fell off I might think that oh who am I kidding I know it would work. Tristan please come to me... where are you Tristan when I need you the most?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Letting it all hang out!!!
Yes it is Saturday night and I am home like a dork. What can I say my girls are on vacation and didn't feel like coming out to be party favors.
I am in the devolopemental stages of starting my business. Where there is a will there is a way and I am guilty of watching Oprah. This week on Oprah there were women that when they couldn't find a job theryt started their own business, and I am no different. I am excited to start something that can go a long way. Hell I have nothing to lose if you know what I mean.
I used to thing that saving lives in the ER was the end all of who I was. I infact only identified myself by being not just any nurse but a ER nurse. I know that I sound stuck on myself but it took me ten years to finish my BSN and a lot of sleepless nights. The world was against me all of my friends at the time never thought that I would actually make it though nursing school. I guess I only rise to the occation if I am challenged. The truth was that a little of me died each time I would got to work and see something so horrific I would not even want to tell all of you just to spare your hearts. I thought that I could handle it if I sucked it up if I were strong. The truth is that what I did would effect anyone that walked in my shoes. The problem was is that I really cared way too much giving way to much of myself not ever holding back. I lost a bit of my sole in the last 3 yrs worrying about thoughts that take life for granted.
I am thinking about writing a book about my experiences like the time this male came into the ER with a urinary tract infection. He was about 21 yrs old. Men that young don't get UTI's unless it is gondaloria and chymidia. Anywho I went into his room to give him 4 zythromicyn pills and a shot of Rocephin (the cure) and he was all hugged with with his girlfriend. He asked me why I was giving him a shot and I told him because you have gondaloria why else do you think that you are pissing FIRE. He looked straight into my eyes and stated Nurse I don't have an STD and if I do it's this BITCH (pointing to his hugged up girlfriend) fault. I said I am not here to judge you. he almost beat me up until Dr. Goldenrod rushed to my rescue.
And you wonder what is wrong with me???
I am in the devolopemental stages of starting my business. Where there is a will there is a way and I am guilty of watching Oprah. This week on Oprah there were women that when they couldn't find a job theryt started their own business, and I am no different. I am excited to start something that can go a long way. Hell I have nothing to lose if you know what I mean.
I used to thing that saving lives in the ER was the end all of who I was. I infact only identified myself by being not just any nurse but a ER nurse. I know that I sound stuck on myself but it took me ten years to finish my BSN and a lot of sleepless nights. The world was against me all of my friends at the time never thought that I would actually make it though nursing school. I guess I only rise to the occation if I am challenged. The truth was that a little of me died each time I would got to work and see something so horrific I would not even want to tell all of you just to spare your hearts. I thought that I could handle it if I sucked it up if I were strong. The truth is that what I did would effect anyone that walked in my shoes. The problem was is that I really cared way too much giving way to much of myself not ever holding back. I lost a bit of my sole in the last 3 yrs worrying about thoughts that take life for granted.
I am thinking about writing a book about my experiences like the time this male came into the ER with a urinary tract infection. He was about 21 yrs old. Men that young don't get UTI's unless it is gondaloria and chymidia. Anywho I went into his room to give him 4 zythromicyn pills and a shot of Rocephin (the cure) and he was all hugged with with his girlfriend. He asked me why I was giving him a shot and I told him because you have gondaloria why else do you think that you are pissing FIRE. He looked straight into my eyes and stated Nurse I don't have an STD and if I do it's this BITCH (pointing to his hugged up girlfriend) fault. I said I am not here to judge you. he almost beat me up until Dr. Goldenrod rushed to my rescue.
And you wonder what is wrong with me???
Friday, October 17, 2008
They say that with great pain in the heart a famous love song is derived
They say that with great pain in the heart a famous love song is derived...
Although I am not much of a country song writer or even a love song writer...
Even if I am the cockroach of love...and one time I pulled a cockroach out a a little kids ear and porque there were eggs...gross I know I couldn't help myself. It was Walker inspired.
I feel like everything has a rhyme and a reason for happening and well since my heart and pocket book are on the brinks of breaking I feel as if I have to go for broke and roll the dice mostly in Vegas where all the bling bling is...No I am not moving to Vegas but you must be asking yourself what in the H-E-L-L is darn girl talking about. There is a reason for these statements just like there must have been a reason that I had to see two 18 G needles (yikes bigggg) bilaterally placed on a Peni to drain the blood...This is kind of a Public awareness statement. Some psyco drugs can cause prioprism (an erection lasting more than 4 hours can cause ED forever) I suggest after the 2nd hour to go to the ED...
That is not really the reason I was talking about everything happens for a reason. Tonight I got a call from a kid who had sales written all over my phone, for the 50 Th time I said I don't need a nursing Jobber why would I use a recruiter? Hello Nursing is like the easiest job to get...more later about why that is the truthful statement...He says to me taking all my sh@# talk (he's from the Boston area and now he is famous in blog land). He's going to talk with his people and I might just have another business opportunity boiling in the pot...Let's be hopeful I really need a pedicure...
Although I am not much of a country song writer or even a love song writer...
Even if I am the cockroach of love...and one time I pulled a cockroach out a a little kids ear and porque there were eggs...gross I know I couldn't help myself. It was Walker inspired.
I feel like everything has a rhyme and a reason for happening and well since my heart and pocket book are on the brinks of breaking I feel as if I have to go for broke and roll the dice mostly in Vegas where all the bling bling is...No I am not moving to Vegas but you must be asking yourself what in the H-E-L-L is darn girl talking about. There is a reason for these statements just like there must have been a reason that I had to see two 18 G needles (yikes bigggg) bilaterally placed on a Peni to drain the blood...This is kind of a Public awareness statement. Some psyco drugs can cause prioprism (an erection lasting more than 4 hours can cause ED forever) I suggest after the 2nd hour to go to the ED...
That is not really the reason I was talking about everything happens for a reason. Tonight I got a call from a kid who had sales written all over my phone, for the 50 Th time I said I don't need a nursing Jobber why would I use a recruiter? Hello Nursing is like the easiest job to get...more later about why that is the truthful statement...He says to me taking all my sh@# talk (he's from the Boston area and now he is famous in blog land). He's going to talk with his people and I might just have another business opportunity boiling in the pot...Let's be hopeful I really need a pedicure...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Calling all bloggers for some advice...
Dear Bloggers...
I am asking for some advice? I want to know what is it that pushed you to be successful..
Now in saying successful I don't necessarily mean financial success but how did you become successful in what you deem success to be..
Success to me is: Having a family that loves you..
Success is that one big sale that you just closed.
Success is being a stay at home mother..
Success is having a partner that loves you in spite of it all..
Success is having a good job..
so on an so forth...
Tell me what inspires you all..
Thank you
And to all my Canadian Friends Happy Thanksgiving
I am asking for some advice? I want to know what is it that pushed you to be successful..
Now in saying successful I don't necessarily mean financial success but how did you become successful in what you deem success to be..
Success to me is: Having a family that loves you..
Success is that one big sale that you just closed.
Success is being a stay at home mother..
Success is having a partner that loves you in spite of it all..
Success is having a good job..
so on an so forth...
Tell me what inspires you all..
Thank you
And to all my Canadian Friends Happy Thanksgiving
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Starting to see the light again..
Although my life is falling to pieces right in front of of me I have to say that I have just now started to see the light of day. Life isn't all that bad, and I really have great friends even if I am homeless with no job and no money. I can't let it get me down. I must move on to dream bigger dreams and believe that they will come true. I have rounded up my girlfriends to help me get through the pain of not having Engineer guy to warm up against me at night.
I know it might sound silly to think that I will be a millionaire one day but I think I am. Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt that stated, " The beauty belongs to thoughts that believe in their dreams". That very quote got me through some of the toughest times in nursing school when the professors told me to packet it up and go home that I would never graduate and that I would never pass boards. Ahhh victory never smelled so sweet...
So, now instead of spending my days dealing with poo and crotch rot I am looking to start a business with my very talented girlfriend. If I don't fail then how can I succeed. Even though my heart is broken in a million pieces I must go on...
I know it might sound silly to think that I will be a millionaire one day but I think I am. Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt that stated, " The beauty belongs to thoughts that believe in their dreams". That very quote got me through some of the toughest times in nursing school when the professors told me to packet it up and go home that I would never graduate and that I would never pass boards. Ahhh victory never smelled so sweet...
So, now instead of spending my days dealing with poo and crotch rot I am looking to start a business with my very talented girlfriend. If I don't fail then how can I succeed. Even though my heart is broken in a million pieces I must go on...
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Hanging by the chinny chin chin of my Hair....
I have been lost...
And it is definitely cloudy, sometimes it is even a tear storm, but My son has given me a lot of love during this time and distraction. We have made Brochures with stickers---I know something I liked to do as a girl. He was just proud of it because I tried to make it look original and 3D.
I have to say that I have this amazing girlfriend who has stood by me though thick and thin. This is the kind of woman that you only get to meet once in a life time and no matter what crazy sh#@ you might have put her though she is alway there to listen despite her own hurt. Wow of all the people in this world that I could have met it happened to be her. Her heart shins so bright it is amazing that she is not a movie star or something.
Through my pain, I have inlisted her into trying to start a new business with me. I'll keep you posted on it. The say that sometimes the best things come out of pain...you know like hit songs.
Mariha Carries "Butterfly" ...Maybe I am still in the cocoon waiting to get out...I mean really I could be writing all these times from a cocoon...no knowing it only to find out that I in deed have big boobs and big beautiful wings....
Days are looking a little brighter...
They can't destroy me, I willl never never give up for I am the cockroach of love...
Well I am off to the library to research...but I will return to follow up on all my Peeps..I owe you all so much again thank you!!!
And it is definitely cloudy, sometimes it is even a tear storm, but My son has given me a lot of love during this time and distraction. We have made Brochures with stickers---I know something I liked to do as a girl. He was just proud of it because I tried to make it look original and 3D.
I have to say that I have this amazing girlfriend who has stood by me though thick and thin. This is the kind of woman that you only get to meet once in a life time and no matter what crazy sh#@ you might have put her though she is alway there to listen despite her own hurt. Wow of all the people in this world that I could have met it happened to be her. Her heart shins so bright it is amazing that she is not a movie star or something.
Through my pain, I have inlisted her into trying to start a new business with me. I'll keep you posted on it. The say that sometimes the best things come out of pain...you know like hit songs.
Mariha Carries "Butterfly" ...Maybe I am still in the cocoon waiting to get out...I mean really I could be writing all these times from a cocoon...no knowing it only to find out that I in deed have big boobs and big beautiful wings....
Days are looking a little brighter...
They can't destroy me, I willl never never give up for I am the cockroach of love...
Well I am off to the library to research...but I will return to follow up on all my Peeps..I owe you all so much again thank you!!!
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
You showed me love....
This is a tribute to my blogger friends...
Oh all ye faithful, joyful and triumphal oh come ye to blogger er land...
I would like to thank all of thoughts that have stuck by my though laughter and threw my tears...If it not have been for the kindness that you have showed me and you know who you are Walker, super.. I might not be here today...
I think I am going to write a book on the love...Holy crap I can't make it without him...Oh yes you can guide...I mean who better to write it than the darn girl herself as she speaks about how to over come the nagging and pulling on your heart strings...
Why do I care? I often used to tell my patients that our heart is a live it feels...It is electric...
and now I can feel their hopeless, their pain damn it all why do I give a shit?? What is wrong with me??
I have to say that I did it, I lost myself. I have made plenty of mistakes over the past year that would test any ones love and I don't blame Engineer guy at all for letting go...
So, I ask myself what is the lesson I must learn this time? Be thankful for the love that you have been given. Be thankful for the gifts that God has given you...I still strive for greatness even though I have fallen short. I have truly been blessed with a gifted child that will serve as someone who breaks down the stereotypical thoughts of interracial people. This kid is so beautiful inside he makes you have to have hope for our government. He transcends onto greatness and I am not just saying that because he is my son...I am so truly blessed to have someone as beautiful in my life. I think it was me that needed him more than he needed me as he tries and shelter me from my pain I know that he feels my sadness no matter how much I try and conceal it. unfortunately he has the curse like I do and can feel the pain and sadness of others. He is truly special and if I never do anything else he will have been worth all the pain that I have gone though to make things right for him. I was lost with out being his mommy and I hope to go back to the virtuous woman that I was so that he can stand up and be proud of his mommy.
No fear bloggers for I have a plan in order that I might save lives again. That the work that I do will have meaning and purpose far and greater than it has ever been. An ohd' to the blogger friends that have stuck by me though thick and thin...I might not always be worthy but I will be the last one to hang on for dear life...supporting you all no matter what. I have been known for being crazy but is that really all a bad thing. I accept people for the good the bad and the ugly and my love will never waver. So blogger friends I say till the end of the ocean till the very last grain of sand I will be behind you no matter what you do on the Ferris wheel at the county fair!!
Oh all ye faithful, joyful and triumphal oh come ye to blogger er land...
I would like to thank all of thoughts that have stuck by my though laughter and threw my tears...If it not have been for the kindness that you have showed me and you know who you are Walker, super.. I might not be here today...
I think I am going to write a book on the love...Holy crap I can't make it without him...Oh yes you can guide...I mean who better to write it than the darn girl herself as she speaks about how to over come the nagging and pulling on your heart strings...
Why do I care? I often used to tell my patients that our heart is a live it feels...It is electric...
and now I can feel their hopeless, their pain damn it all why do I give a shit?? What is wrong with me??
I have to say that I did it, I lost myself. I have made plenty of mistakes over the past year that would test any ones love and I don't blame Engineer guy at all for letting go...
So, I ask myself what is the lesson I must learn this time? Be thankful for the love that you have been given. Be thankful for the gifts that God has given you...I still strive for greatness even though I have fallen short. I have truly been blessed with a gifted child that will serve as someone who breaks down the stereotypical thoughts of interracial people. This kid is so beautiful inside he makes you have to have hope for our government. He transcends onto greatness and I am not just saying that because he is my son...I am so truly blessed to have someone as beautiful in my life. I think it was me that needed him more than he needed me as he tries and shelter me from my pain I know that he feels my sadness no matter how much I try and conceal it. unfortunately he has the curse like I do and can feel the pain and sadness of others. He is truly special and if I never do anything else he will have been worth all the pain that I have gone though to make things right for him. I was lost with out being his mommy and I hope to go back to the virtuous woman that I was so that he can stand up and be proud of his mommy.
No fear bloggers for I have a plan in order that I might save lives again. That the work that I do will have meaning and purpose far and greater than it has ever been. An ohd' to the blogger friends that have stuck by me though thick and thin...I might not always be worthy but I will be the last one to hang on for dear life...supporting you all no matter what. I have been known for being crazy but is that really all a bad thing. I accept people for the good the bad and the ugly and my love will never waver. So blogger friends I say till the end of the ocean till the very last grain of sand I will be behind you no matter what you do on the Ferris wheel at the county fair!!
Monday, October 06, 2008
How to pretend that you are successful in relationships...
One must believe the best...
Now I know that we have all been in the dump...in the dumper when we have broken and had our heart broken in a million peaces in the name of love.
I'm not sure but I think wine is (preferably the whole bottle of wine) is the answer...
I think Dr. Goldenrod told me once that wine was the answer to all of our problems...He was smart I should write that down take notes if you will...
I sort of talked with Engineer guy today via the cold, stone way by of the lap top and via e-mail...
It brakes my heart to know that I have hurt him so much...He never of coarse tells me that but I can feel it one of those pesky little things that come with being a nurse...Damn why me I ask?why me??..
Maybe wine (the whole bottle is the answer?)
It was like yesterday that I was writ ting about how I froze his penis at our best girls house and now I am trebling cold without the warmth of his naked body against mine...I am challenged by God to crucify the flesh...
Saving lives was one of the things I did that I took for Granted...with much power comes way more respect....and little of me has died...
More wine is needed to cure the pain...
Okay really...I know that I sound really pathetic right now...and why shouldn't I? I just walked out on a man that I though and knew that I would be spending the rest of my life with...having more children with...I have not given up hope yet....I will never given up on what was meant to be and I can keep on encouraging "thoughts who do believe in the beauty of their dreams..." Elenore Roosevelt...
I am hoping that Engineer guy will see the dept of my beauty and love for an innocent child who needs me more now that ever...it is not noble to do what is right...what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong...my moral compass steers me to do what it's right no matter the torment that it has on my soul....As much as I have loved and been so lucky to have the people that have loved me in this life...I have not love anyone as much as I have loved Engineer guy and the kid...The kid however is still very much a child that needs encouragement and strength from his mother and I can just hope that Engineer guy can see that my intentions are good even if I make inrush decisions I mean well...and I still think of engineer guy as family no matte what the coming days bring me...
All of my blogger friends out there pray for strength and for tolerance that my heart maybe able to take this separation from Engineer guy,....and hopefully he will come around and see that the kid and I are the only ones for him...if not I am prepared to accept defeat and move on if need be...
I told myself that this would be a funny post...you know where I talk about my boobs or ...I talk about the old guy with the pump erection devise displayed for all the nurses to see under the white tent...
I am breathing so I guess I will make it...but a big piece of me is estava gone for now...
The kid and me send our love your way so that you may live in some kind of peace...as for me...thankgooodness that I am famous in blogger land or else...
Banding together for a common cause...
Now I know that we have all been in the dump...in the dumper when we have broken and had our heart broken in a million peaces in the name of love.
I'm not sure but I think wine is (preferably the whole bottle of wine) is the answer...
I think Dr. Goldenrod told me once that wine was the answer to all of our problems...He was smart I should write that down take notes if you will...
I sort of talked with Engineer guy today via the cold, stone way by of the lap top and via e-mail...
It brakes my heart to know that I have hurt him so much...He never of coarse tells me that but I can feel it one of those pesky little things that come with being a nurse...Damn why me I ask?why me??..
Maybe wine (the whole bottle is the answer?)
It was like yesterday that I was writ ting about how I froze his penis at our best girls house and now I am trebling cold without the warmth of his naked body against mine...I am challenged by God to crucify the flesh...
Saving lives was one of the things I did that I took for Granted...with much power comes way more respect....and little of me has died...
More wine is needed to cure the pain...
Okay really...I know that I sound really pathetic right now...and why shouldn't I? I just walked out on a man that I though and knew that I would be spending the rest of my life with...having more children with...I have not given up hope yet....I will never given up on what was meant to be and I can keep on encouraging "thoughts who do believe in the beauty of their dreams..." Elenore Roosevelt...
I am hoping that Engineer guy will see the dept of my beauty and love for an innocent child who needs me more now that ever...it is not noble to do what is right...what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong...my moral compass steers me to do what it's right no matter the torment that it has on my soul....As much as I have loved and been so lucky to have the people that have loved me in this life...I have not love anyone as much as I have loved Engineer guy and the kid...The kid however is still very much a child that needs encouragement and strength from his mother and I can just hope that Engineer guy can see that my intentions are good even if I make inrush decisions I mean well...and I still think of engineer guy as family no matte what the coming days bring me...
All of my blogger friends out there pray for strength and for tolerance that my heart maybe able to take this separation from Engineer guy,....and hopefully he will come around and see that the kid and I are the only ones for him...if not I am prepared to accept defeat and move on if need be...
I told myself that this would be a funny post...you know where I talk about my boobs or ...I talk about the old guy with the pump erection devise displayed for all the nurses to see under the white tent...
I am breathing so I guess I will make it...but a big piece of me is estava gone for now...
The kid and me send our love your way so that you may live in some kind of peace...as for me...thankgooodness that I am famous in blogger land or else...
Banding together for a common cause...
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Bending over...pulling my boot straps up!!!!
Calling all friends out of the darkness into the light I am going to have to lean on you until I feel better...
Each day I pick up my huge son I know in the deep depths of my heart that I did the right thing.. However...each day I know that I am away from everything I have know for the last five years...
It matters not because I can pull myself up from the boot straps ..as I have done in the past as I will do again...
So, I have assembled the people that I need to surround myself with...you know who you are I have called you this week together because there needs to be an intervention...
Staci: you have known me since I was 15 yrs. old. I ask you to keep me close that that I may express the feelings that you know that I have...that I might turn this baren time into productive mode...
K...keep intouch we have much to talk about and things to accomplish...
Thanks Bev for underestanding when no one else could...
Untill tommorrow...
Each day I pick up my huge son I know in the deep depths of my heart that I did the right thing.. However...each day I know that I am away from everything I have know for the last five years...
It matters not because I can pull myself up from the boot straps ..as I have done in the past as I will do again...
So, I have assembled the people that I need to surround myself with...you know who you are I have called you this week together because there needs to be an intervention...
Staci: you have known me since I was 15 yrs. old. I ask you to keep me close that that I may express the feelings that you know that I have...that I might turn this baren time into productive mode...
K...keep intouch we have much to talk about and things to accomplish...
Thanks Bev for underestanding when no one else could...
Untill tommorrow...
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Friday, October 03, 2008
Man down I repeat Man down
Sorry I haven't been by in a while but my heart is just broken right now..
Most of you know that I left the sand to move closer to my son the right things to do..
Engineer guy stayed behind and I don't think will be joining me. My heart is broken in to a million peices, it seems that when I try and do something right I just get it all wrong??
I once told him that I would love him till the deepest end of the ocean till the very last grain of sand and I ment that..
Engineer guy I still love you...
Most of you know that I left the sand to move closer to my son the right things to do..
Engineer guy stayed behind and I don't think will be joining me. My heart is broken in to a million peices, it seems that when I try and do something right I just get it all wrong??
I once told him that I would love him till the deepest end of the ocean till the very last grain of sand and I ment that..
Engineer guy I still love you...
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Dancing is kind of primal.. drinking is a primal way to let go.. after that- I got nothin' except one more primal thing... Plant your bare feet into Mother Earth, dig in with your toes.. find your balance, and simply be who you are..
I suspect you may have saved some lives while working as an ER nurse.. save yourself first, others may need you later.. In the immortal words of Judah Ben-Hur on the Roman galley- "We exist to serve" "