Research.....

Research in the name of love...
I have always been the girl to go to when having relationship problems. Why my friends think that I am worthy I have no idea??... especially since I am not about feelings when it comes to my own relationships. It seems that everyone is having relationship problems not only my girlfriends, but my guy friends as well. Let's take for instance Millionaire Parents guy...Now this guy is 25 yrs old, he is a paramedic firefighter and Captain of his crew. He is the the youngest Captain in the valley of the sun, and he is a loyal friend. His parents are millionaires but he is not snobby in the least and a very generous, kind , funny smart guy, so why can't he find love in the valley? He calls me to tell me about his resent break-up seems that the girl that he was dating and living with after only 7 months has a jealousy problem? Hu?? Seems that this girl is jealous of his past relationships? Run that by me again? She's jealous of your last girlfriend that you had before you knew her because you went on a cruise to Alaska? How is that even possible??She tells him that she doesn't like it when he hangs out with the gang at bars...Hu? What is wrong with her I wonder?? Here is this guy, wonderful sure he has some issues...He's not perfect but he is a great person...He asks me what I think?? Oh yeah right like I am the person to be asking relationship advise because I am so good at them right?? Well I can say that I wasn't jealous of Engineer guy's past girlfriends..Now I don't think it is healthy to talk about past possible loves, but there is no use in being jealous of something that was. He asks me what I loved so much about Engineer guy??Great he wants to talk about feelings...I tell him I knew that I would love him and he would love me that night he had me over to his house for dinner and ummmm dessert. It is hard to explain chemistry...it just is and well I am a hard nut to crack. Chemistry is difficult to find, I am very passionate about him. He is very smart, analytical and mathematical... things that I couldn't even fathom he is capable of. So, I guess opposites attract, I am la la girl boobs out at the parties we attended whilst he stood in the back round and allowed me to receive the thunder...I am very passionate about medicine...I live it, I breath it, and I am very passionate about my friendships. I guess that when two people love each other as much as I love Engineer guy you want to hold on to the very last thread, and I am not a quitter. It seems that for a while we were playing for different football teams...he for West Virgina and I for SMU...I told Millionaire parents guy that we only have one life...and life is way to precious to short to give up on love. What I have with Engineer guy is magical and what I love about him is simply him. We have to write our own stories, now that story can be one of love, friendship, amazing sex & intimacy with hope, loyalty and beauty a beauty that I have never felt before or it can be pessimistic. I choose beauty, so relationships are works in progress. With great love can be great pain but if it is worth it the pay off can be so rewarding. Now I know that I have been very cheesy in this blog but sometimes you just have to get it out. Jeff...She's out there you'll find her and when you do it won't be perfect but it will be beautiful...

And these are the days of my life...

Now that I have your attention. I felt like looking a a ball today so I pulled this pic out of my personal stash. Now I wish that this ball was shaven because I really can only appreciate balls that are smooth but beggars can't be choosers.

On my way home alive

I'm on my way home...
check it with you later stay tuned to see pics of the first wives club and hear the tatered stories of my travel!!!

Sorry for my absents...

After almost dieing from a GI bleed last week I think I have an ulcer. Go figure I would die from a GI bleed and not something more dramatic like gun shot wound. Needless to say I had to see the Dr. when I was with my high school friend that I haven't seen for 17 years... and and admit that the Dr. indeed violated me and put his finger in my tail. At least I got some pain medicine. The last time I was violated by my GYNO at the tender age of 23 yrs. old I asked my Ma is that normal for the GYNO to put his finger in my tail and she said yes...I saw no benefit from this and He didn't even offer me a shot of tequila. What kind of freaky stuff she is accustom to... I don't know because when I was older and asked my GYNO if this was normal during a paps smear HE stated and I quote, " I generally only use that tech for my geriatric patients" WHAT? Violated...With KY jelly at only 23. Not surprising that I know many different uses for KY jelly than the intended use.
If I ever felt like an old lady it is right now. I have been drinking down Milanta and eating Pilosec. Now there has to be something wrong with that picture. Hopefully it is just H-pilor that I might of picked up from Mexico since I find myself a worldly traveler since I have still not gotten a Job...Oh it is in the works...I'm intently looking for a sexologist job right now I know it is right the coroner i can feel it...No pun intended!

For my people

My New Job...

Whilst watching the boob tube the other day I noticed a job that I thought I'm a nurse I could totally do that. Being a nurse could be part of my credentials plus like I could like get a couple of written statements with signatures from the past Loves of my life "at the time Guy".
Sexologist...
It is not what your thinking...
It would be helping couples gain a better sense of intimacy...
and I would tell the wife to definitely flash boobage way more..
I got tons of Ideas..
It will be like I am always the brides maid and never the bride..
but tons of funnnnn!!

Hey I am sending you all a shout out from San Diego. I have been letting the wind blow through my hair, eating all the bad food that I can get my hands on. Whilst walking though the San Diego Zoo I was reminded that last week I was trying so hard to make sure I worked out that I actually fell asleep on the elliptical. I know I was kind of in shock too but let me tell you what muscle memory can do for you. You can actually fall asleep with your feet and legs still moving. I thought I might call Guinness world record to see if anyone has attempted that fate. Let me know if you have a clue. Guinness here I come!!

In the name of love..

Because I am famous in my mind I thought it appropriate to reveal some know or unknown facts about myself therefor sealing my fate as a famous person if it only in my mind.

1. My left big toe nail fell off. Due to my running the trails at a speed of a snail. My toenail bruised and then proceeded to pull away from me.
2. I am traumatized by my big toe nail situation. I only pulled the last of it off the other day and I have worn sock ever since to hide my ugly toe. I can't even get a pedicure and that is almost against the law.
3. Sometimes I obsess about the wrinkles that might appear on my forehead. I try and not wrinkle my eyes because I want to keep that fresh look about me. Aging is not a process that I am taking a liking to.
4. No secrete to thoughts that no me I think my boobs are my best physical feature and a source of many of my blog writings.
5. To my greatest fear I have become a lot like my mother. My mother has a pill for everything. So, I have a pill for everything. I take every know vitamin known to man. Got gas I got Beanno. Constipated I have fiber pills. Still constipated I got gloves and JY jelly for lubing you up. I have plenty of practice since I have been working as a nurse. Got heart burn I got zantac. Got nausea I got phenergan. Have asthma I have an albuterol inhaler.... and so on and so forth.
6. I can never shut off the nurse in me. Stub your toe I will baby you for comfort.
7. My family thinks sending me naked pictures of old women and men is funny. Why just this morning my cousin "big muscle guy" sent me a text wishing me a happy Halloween with an old naked woman. What I don't get is that this woman actually let someone take a picture of her. Maybe she wanted to be noticed for her wrinkled up body. Boobs deflated something to look forward to.
8. I am directionally challenged I get lost even with directions in front of me. I think that it is genetic.
9. My hair is my nemisis and it has been every color on the wheel. At times it has turned against me for coloring it so much.
10. I live by the Catholic girl code, if I don't remember it never happen.
11. In the name love I often have to suck it up and take one for the team. That includes putting myself in uncomfortable and unfamilar places for the people that I love. I know I am a marder. Usually there is nothing that I wouldn't do for my friends and that includes sticking my fingers into places for the sake of my hipocratic oath that I took the very day I became a nurse.
sincerely
Darn girl

Today I present the funnies...

I just thought that I needed a laugh today. I hope you find some comic relief as I need it as well and what more do I find funny that to talk about sex!!

With much power comes an even great responsibility...

With much power comes an even greater responsibility...
Isn't amazing that in this whole wide world I would find a common bond with people that write the most intimate details of their lives... whether that be about the cigarette that they lit after an amazing session of 5 hour sex or the day that there child graduated from kindergarten. It seems that a force greater than the power of being finds bloggers that understand your triumphs as well as your failures. It seems that they are there to pick you up when you need a loving hand or smile at your constant stories of boob flashing to make yourself feel better. Over the past 2 and a half years I have shared my first time of having sexual intercourse (doesn't that sound sterile?)How about sexual chocolate ( I think I like that better) (Father I swear that last statement was only for story interest so not true)Moving on to the time that I had to leave Paramedic guy due to his ingression's. It seems that I have found people that really understand me even though we share only the Internet. I am writing about this because I have been inspired by one of my blogger friends. Now I like to give credit where credit is due and we all have situations that inspire us to write after all isn't that what it is all about?? Inspiration

I would like to quote something that hits me down to the very electrical force that hits the AV node of my heart. I would like to publicly thank him for helping me see some light to my darkest days and remember what it is that makes my heart tick. And I quote "

buffalodick said...

Dancing is kind of primal.. drinking is a primal way to let go.. after that- I got nothin' except one more primal thing... Plant your bare feet into Mother Earth, dig in with your toes.. find your balance, and simply be who you are..

buffalodick said...

I suspect you may have saved some lives while working as an ER nurse.. save yourself first, others may need you later.. In the immortal words of Judah Ben-Hur on the Roman galley- "We exist to serve" "

My girlfriend the one that I let feel me up the other day...gives me the nurse talk about code of honor...How dare she pull that one out. Yes buffalodick I have saved my share of people and children the greatest honor of my life and OI do live to serve and you are right aI must learn to save myself first...something that I haven't been able to do lately...Thank you for honoring me...for reminding me what I live this live for...

Can I please call a 1-900 number to help me get over my grief?

I am still over come by grief and loss of Engineer guy. I don't Know how I let myself get to this far. I have tried thinking of ways to get over the constant sadness that racks havoc in my heart.
I thought that I might find a group of women and men that might be able to help me fill the space in my heart. Maybe I should start a 1-900 broken heart line to help me pay my bills and mend my heart.

Got any other ideas?

I have tried to take a bath...
No help

I have tried wine
Not the answer

I tried working out only good for my butt did not thank me..
No ease at all

I called my high sch0ol girlfriend
She was wonderful to catch up with my heart still hurts
I have immersed myself into the private and shady life of one of my girlfriends. I was at court with her all day during her divorce proceeding it got kind of nasty...
It only helped for a bit..

I tried to read all of the funny blogs that I Love to follow..
I couldn't think of any witty comments...no help

I tried wine again
Still didn't help

I showed my boobs to my girlfriend, my girlfriend's sister and her Mother. I even showed my nipples. Hey this is an emergency I had to pull out all the my tricks out of the bag.
It helped a little to have them fondled and to be told that they were nice, but that only lasted as long as one night. It helped enough for me to go onto Oprah and suggest that his might be a good way to cure the blues for at least an hour or too.

I took another shower, put on some make-up did my hair and when to target to play that old game of look at me and give me some attention.
It worked for a minute until I thought that the only attention I was getting was from the old me that were there either buying tampons or walking behind their wife's. Hey I am moral I thought that they should have waited to look until they were their on their own accord.

What is a girl to do?
I even tried to watch " Legends of the Falls" even Tristan couldn't help me...
Don't get crazy if here were here in person on my behalf and lets just say all my clothes fell off I might think that oh who am I kidding I know it would work. Tristan please come to me... where are you Tristan when I need you the most?

Letting it all hang out!!!

Yes it is Saturday night and I am home like a dork. What can I say my girls are on vacation and didn't feel like coming out to be party favors.
I am in the devolopemental stages of starting my business. Where there is a will there is a way and I am guilty of watching Oprah. This week on Oprah there were women that when they couldn't find a job theryt started their own business, and I am no different. I am excited to start something that can go a long way. Hell I have nothing to lose if you know what I mean.

I used to thing that saving lives in the ER was the end all of who I was. I infact only identified myself by being not just any nurse but a ER nurse. I know that I sound stuck on myself but it took me ten years to finish my BSN and a lot of sleepless nights. The world was against me all of my friends at the time never thought that I would actually make it though nursing school. I guess I only rise to the occation if I am challenged. The truth was that a little of me died each time I would got to work and see something so horrific I would not even want to tell all of you just to spare your hearts. I thought that I could handle it if I sucked it up if I were strong. The truth is that what I did would effect anyone that walked in my shoes. The problem was is that I really cared way too much giving way to much of myself not ever holding back. I lost a bit of my sole in the last 3 yrs worrying about thoughts that take life for granted.

I am thinking about writing a book about my experiences like the time this male came into the ER with a urinary tract infection. He was about 21 yrs old. Men that young don't get UTI's unless it is gondaloria and chymidia. Anywho I went into his room to give him 4 zythromicyn pills and a shot of Rocephin (the cure) and he was all hugged with with his girlfriend. He asked me why I was giving him a shot and I told him because you have gondaloria why else do you think that you are pissing FIRE. He looked straight into my eyes and stated Nurse I don't have an STD and if I do it's this BITCH (pointing to his hugged up girlfriend) fault. I said I am not here to judge you. he almost beat me up until Dr. Goldenrod rushed to my rescue.

And you wonder what is wrong with me???

They say that with great pain in the heart a famous love song is derived

They say that with great pain in the heart a famous love song is derived...
Although I am not much of a country song writer or even a love song writer...
Even if I am the cockroach of love...and one time I pulled a cockroach out a a little kids ear and porque there were eggs...gross I know I couldn't help myself. It was Walker inspired.

I feel like everything has a rhyme and a reason for happening and well since my heart and pocket book are on the brinks of breaking I feel as if I have to go for broke and roll the dice mostly in Vegas where all the bling bling is...No I am not moving to Vegas but you must be asking yourself what in the H-E-L-L is darn girl talking about. There is a reason for these statements just like there must have been a reason that I had to see two 18 G needles (yikes bigggg) bilaterally placed on a Peni to drain the blood...This is kind of a Public awareness statement. Some psyco drugs can cause prioprism (an erection lasting more than 4 hours can cause ED forever) I suggest after the 2nd hour to go to the ED...

That is not really the reason I was talking about everything happens for a reason. Tonight I got a call from a kid who had sales written all over my phone, for the 50 Th time I said I don't need a nursing Jobber why would I use a recruiter? Hello Nursing is like the easiest job to get...more later about why that is the truthful statement...He says to me taking all my sh@# talk (he's from the Boston area and now he is famous in blog land). He's going to talk with his people and I might just have another business opportunity boiling in the pot...Let's be hopeful I really need a pedicure...

Calling all bloggers for some advice...

Dear Bloggers...
I am asking for some advice? I want to know what is it that pushed you to be successful..
Now in saying successful I don't necessarily mean financial success but how did you become successful in what you deem success to be..
Success to me is: Having a family that loves you..
Success is that one big sale that you just closed.
Success is being a stay at home mother..
Success is having a partner that loves you in spite of it all..
Success is having a good job..
so on an so forth...
Tell me what inspires you all..
Thank you
And to all my Canadian Friends Happy Thanksgiving

Starting to see the light again..

Although my life is falling to pieces right in front of of me I have to say that I have just now started to see the light of day. Life isn't all that bad, and I really have great friends even if I am homeless with no job and no money. I can't let it get me down. I must move on to dream bigger dreams and believe that they will come true. I have rounded up my girlfriends to help me get through the pain of not having Engineer guy to warm up against me at night.
I know it might sound silly to think that I will be a millionaire one day but I think I am. Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt that stated, " The beauty belongs to thoughts that believe in their dreams". That very quote got me through some of the toughest times in nursing school when the professors told me to packet it up and go home that I would never graduate and that I would never pass boards. Ahhh victory never smelled so sweet...
So, now instead of spending my days dealing with poo and crotch rot I am looking to start a business with my very talented girlfriend. If I don't fail then how can I succeed. Even though my heart is broken in a million pieces I must go on...

Hanging by the chinny chin chin of my Hair....

I have been lost...
And it is definitely cloudy, sometimes it is even a tear storm, but My son has given me a lot of love during this time and distraction. We have made Brochures with stickers---I know something I liked to do as a girl. He was just proud of it because I tried to make it look original and 3D.
I have to say that I have this amazing girlfriend who has stood by me though thick and thin. This is the kind of woman that you only get to meet once in a life time and no matter what crazy sh#@ you might have put her though she is alway there to listen despite her own hurt. Wow of all the people in this world that I could have met it happened to be her. Her heart shins so bright it is amazing that she is not a movie star or something.
Through my pain, I have inlisted her into trying to start a new business with me. I'll keep you posted on it. The say that sometimes the best things come out of pain...you know like hit songs.
Mariha Carries "Butterfly" ...Maybe I am still in the cocoon waiting to get out...I mean really I could be writing all these times from a cocoon...no knowing it only to find out that I in deed have big boobs and big beautiful wings....
Days are looking a little brighter...
They can't destroy me, I willl never never give up for I am the cockroach of love...
Well I am off to the library to research...but I will return to follow up on all my Peeps..I owe you all so much again thank you!!!

You showed me love....

This is a tribute to my blogger friends...
Oh all ye faithful, joyful and triumphal oh come ye to blogger er land...
I would like to thank all of thoughts that have stuck by my though laughter and threw my tears...If it not have been for the kindness that you have showed me and you know who you are Walker, super.. I might not be here today...
I think I am going to write a book on the love...Holy crap I can't make it without him...Oh yes you can guide...I mean who better to write it than the darn girl herself as she speaks about how to over come the nagging and pulling on your heart strings...
Why do I care? I often used to tell my patients that our heart is a live it feels...It is electric...
and now I can feel their hopeless, their pain damn it all why do I give a shit?? What is wrong with me??
I have to say that I did it, I lost myself. I have made plenty of mistakes over the past year that would test any ones love and I don't blame Engineer guy at all for letting go...
So, I ask myself what is the lesson I must learn this time? Be thankful for the love that you have been given. Be thankful for the gifts that God has given you...I still strive for greatness even though I have fallen short. I have truly been blessed with a gifted child that will serve as someone who breaks down the stereotypical thoughts of interracial people. This kid is so beautiful inside he makes you have to have hope for our government. He transcends onto greatness and I am not just saying that because he is my son...I am so truly blessed to have someone as beautiful in my life. I think it was me that needed him more than he needed me as he tries and shelter me from my pain I know that he feels my sadness no matter how much I try and conceal it. unfortunately he has the curse like I do and can feel the pain and sadness of others. He is truly special and if I never do anything else he will have been worth all the pain that I have gone though to make things right for him. I was lost with out being his mommy and I hope to go back to the virtuous woman that I was so that he can stand up and be proud of his mommy.
No fear bloggers for I have a plan in order that I might save lives again. That the work that I do will have meaning and purpose far and greater than it has ever been. An ohd' to the blogger friends that have stuck by me though thick and thin...I might not always be worthy but I will be the last one to hang on for dear life...supporting you all no matter what. I have been known for being crazy but is that really all a bad thing. I accept people for the good the bad and the ugly and my love will never waver. So blogger friends I say till the end of the ocean till the very last grain of sand I will be behind you no matter what you do on the Ferris wheel at the county fair!!

How to pretend that you are successful in relationships...

One must believe the best...
Now I know that we have all been in the dump...in the dumper when we have broken and had our heart broken in a million peaces in the name of love.
I'm not sure but I think wine is (preferably the whole bottle of wine) is the answer...
I think Dr. Goldenrod told me once that wine was the answer to all of our problems...He was smart I should write that down take notes if you will...
I sort of talked with Engineer guy today via the cold, stone way by of the lap top and via e-mail...
It brakes my heart to know that I have hurt him so much...He never of coarse tells me that but I can feel it one of those pesky little things that come with being a nurse...Damn why me I ask?why me??..
Maybe wine (the whole bottle is the answer?)
It was like yesterday that I was writ ting about how I froze his penis at our best girls house and now I am trebling cold without the warmth of his naked body against mine...I am challenged by God to crucify the flesh...
Saving lives was one of the things I did that I took for Granted...with much power comes way more respect....and little of me has died...
More wine is needed to cure the pain...
Okay really...I know that I sound really pathetic right now...and why shouldn't I? I just walked out on a man that I though and knew that I would be spending the rest of my life with...having more children with...I have not given up hope yet....I will never given up on what was meant to be and I can keep on encouraging "thoughts who do believe in the beauty of their dreams..." Elenore Roosevelt...

I am hoping that Engineer guy will see the dept of my beauty and love for an innocent child who needs me more now that ever...it is not noble to do what is right...what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong...my moral compass steers me to do what it's right no matter the torment that it has on my soul....As much as I have loved and been so lucky to have the people that have loved me in this life...I have not love anyone as much as I have loved Engineer guy and the kid...The kid however is still very much a child that needs encouragement and strength from his mother and I can just hope that Engineer guy can see that my intentions are good even if I make inrush decisions I mean well...and I still think of engineer guy as family no matte what the coming days bring me...
All of my blogger friends out there pray for strength and for tolerance that my heart maybe able to take this separation from Engineer guy,....and hopefully he will come around and see that the kid and I are the only ones for him...if not I am prepared to accept defeat and move on if need be...
I told myself that this would be a funny post...you know where I talk about my boobs or ...I talk about the old guy with the pump erection devise displayed for all the nurses to see under the white tent...
I am breathing so I guess I will make it...but a big piece of me is estava gone for now...
The kid and me send our love your way so that you may live in some kind of peace...as for me...thankgooodness that I am famous in blogger land or else...
Banding together for a common cause...

Bending over...pulling my boot straps up!!!!

Calling all friends out of the darkness into the light I am going to have to lean on you until I feel better...
Each day I pick up my huge son I know in the deep depths of my heart that I did the right thing.. However...each day I know that I am away from everything I have know for the last five years...
It matters not because I can pull myself up from the boot straps ..as I have done in the past as I will do again...
So, I have assembled the people that I need to surround myself with...you know who you are I have called you this week together because there needs to be an intervention...
Staci: you have known me since I was 15 yrs. old. I ask you to keep me close that that I may express the feelings that you know that I have...that I might turn this baren time into productive mode...
K...keep intouch we have much to talk about and things to accomplish...
Thanks Bev for underestanding when no one else could...
Untill tommorrow...

Where do I go from here??

Man down I repeat Man down

Sorry I haven't been by in a while but my heart is just broken right now..
Most of you know that I left the sand to move closer to my son the right things to do..
Engineer guy stayed behind and I don't think will be joining me. My heart is broken in to a million peices, it seems that when I try and do something right I just get it all wrong??
I once told him that I would love him till the deepest end of the ocean till the very last grain of sand and I ment that..
Engineer guy I still love you...

finding that right jobber....

I know that I have quit my job at time when people are I think about to jump out of buildings...
What the hell I have come up with some ingnous way to at least eat...
I could stand at the gas station corner and flash my boobs to the on lookers,
but 1. I think I might cause more accidents then getting cash..
2. I think that is against the law unless you are in phx and going down the float and looking for more beer...ask me How I know this all I can say is Sister we have enough beer quit flashing alright will ya.

then I thought I could sand on the corner with a bathing suit on, but then I thought I might get busted by the cops for solicitation....for what being a model and trying to make it in "Hollywood"? We all know that being a professional model takes time.
So Career, moster and any old person that is willing to take my resume I have been sending it out like a wild woman. It is just this time I would not like to have to put my fingers in places the sun doesn't shine ....how about pharmaceutical rep. I know my drugs (lord knows I have given all different kinds of med but never killed anyone so I think that's a good thing right?) All I have to do is get the Dr. to spend 5 mins with me flash my boobs and voila, we have a sale. I got it all figured out I tell you...wish me luck.

still away from home and although I am with my kiddo matters of the heart are never easy to fix.

two sticks,. glue =, a peice of gum and watch Magiver at work

I took my son fishing this weekend and all he caught we 3 tiny little bity fish...
Of coarse I made him clean them and cook them on a camp fire that I made him start with a flint..
While I was not looking his grandfather gave him some matches so they could finally start the fire. Hey at least I didn't give him two sticks rub together or we would have been there all night.

Declaration of independence....

I know whilst most of you are worried about loosing your jobs and wondering what the future is going to bring and all of a sudden I run away...

Let the true be know that whilst in nursing school they didn't tell me that women would sometimes have claspers in their vaggigna area (usually found on male sharks). Imagine to my dismay of only finding this out after school and whilst having to insert a foley cathater. I have not been the same since.

I also happen to leave Engineer guy behind. He is a good man and I am very sad but he was just not ready for the family life like I was, and you can't fault the man for not really wanting to start a family with me....I'm a little crazy at times but I am always about the love. I still want to have children and he was not ready for that with me. I totally understand, no hard feelings. So if you know any Ice islanders out there(that speak no English I prefer) that happen to be really tall, fit with ice blue eyes and a really nice body.... and is dumber than the average tool in the shead will you keep me posted.
Untill then I am going to take the med cap and scare the world by possibly becoming a Doctor or a NP. I'll find my way back to myself no matter what it takes at least for now I have a roof over my head and my blog land friends to fill my head with how big my boobs are. Is that so wrong?

Estava Gone

This morning I awoke at 0200 am, curled my hair put on a little make-up and headed to the airport via taxi. I ran away from home.

I know usually I would be telling about the time I ran away from home when I was 15 yrs old only to have my Ma find me at my Aunt's house. My Ma knew everything; I am sure that my Aunt didn't rat me out. I think she must of had some tracking device placed underneath my scalp or something when I was to young or unaware of what was happening to me.

I quit my job because I was tired of sticking my finger in old women's vaggignas, and cupping old balls and telling the men to cough. I mean I only really went into Nursing to handle young mens balls and then fondle them a bit, tell the hot guy to cough, then fondle them some more and then tell them to cough again. I think I might have just gotten away with it too. I also only worked in the ER to pull Dr. Goldenrod into the clean utiltiy room from time to time. I mean I really only have asked him to give me a breast examination.... because you all know how much I believe in checking your breast montly.... or in the case of pulling him into the clean utility room weekly. All in the name of medicine I swear.

The secret I have been keeping...

So, I know that you all know that I am very shy, I mean I never report all of my dirty little secrets... But for some reason I am compelled to reveal something that is so private, just so so secret that even my Ma doesn't know...ohhh should she know?? You know that all she talk about is her period (just to torture me as if ? showing off her DD after two kid they are still standing up and they are real yeah yeah I know Ma you have cramps all the time) My father definitely doesn't know because I am a virgin or at least I was until I was married at the very young age of 19. Somehow by a miracle of nature I got pregnant . I don't know how it happen. Oh, my boy is the love of life my life , but but this is not the secret...The secret is, this is really shocking that Engineer guy has a third nipple. I know I was shocked too.

For a while now...

For a while now I have been thinking about revealing my most embarrassing moment..
And now you might ask yourself why in the world would she want to do that? It is possible that I might have lost my mind, but I though what the hell why not...
But before I do I am going to need a little egging on...
So, please blogger friends tell me what your most embarrassing moment?
Okay I will give you a little hint...
It has something to do with the very first time I had sexual relations with Engineer Guy..
Ohhh how much he must really Love me...

Dave Mathews here I come...

Sorry I haven't been by in a couple of days but Engineer guy and I had friends in from Florida and then the marathon of drinking began...
We were getting ready for the Dave Mathew's Band on Saturday!
Hey I can't help it the boys are from West Virgina need I say more...
This weekend has been a blur of tons of food and drinks...
Sorry trainer...
I couldn't work out do to my commitments to the drink and partying that I am obligated to do when the friends from Florida are in town...
Let's just say that we all kept our clothes on but ummm couldn't understand a word the boys were saying due to the commencement to trying to out drink each other....
and then there was the game of oh...sing New Edition song to me...
or Janet Jackson if your nasty...
Hey all check out my friends music...
Shanemeade.com

You won't be sorry!!!

I must pass on this life saving information....

Studies show that having sex 200 times a year + with the same partner, that you are connected too has health benefits....
Sweet...I tell Engineer guy this very fact and that I expect him to live up to the challenge because he is inevitably in charge of saving my life....
Apparently the ability to connect to a human being is not only good for your physical health but your mental health as well...
I guess this is why chemistry is sooo important in picking relationships....
So, all of my blogger friends go home and molest the one that you love it could just save your life....

First things first...

1: Never take 3 tabs of colon cleaner...
I mean I have not been able to leave the house all day do to my commitment to the toilet if you know what I mean... and the clincher of it all is I worked at an endoclinic yesterday...You know where they stick the camera where the sun doesn't shine...
2. Okay so you know I said I was getting a trainer...what was I thinking...after the first time with the trainer my legs were so sore I could hardly walk...being how I am not a quitter I went back Saturday...OGMOSH...
Abs...what do I need abs for? really I mean I my stomach is already trained to be sucked in at all times...
So, now My abs are sore...my arse is on the toilet ever ten minutes and the rest of my body is not feeling so hot either...
What is wrong with me? I am only doing this because society says I have to be a size Zero...
Just kidding...I happen to need a break of my old ruin and I am being a big baby...usually I am not this much of a pussy but since Engineer guy doesn't feel sorry for me I have to get sympathy somewhere...is it working??

Yes, I stated the night at the fire station

Okay...this could only happen to me. I found myself driving to a hospital about an 1&1/2 hours away from my house. As fate would have it they wanted me to work 2 days in a row. Now how could I say No...This was a very small town where everyone knows everyone...Don't you love that. So, i thought well if I am going to work two days I better stay the night there so I don't have to drag my arse all the way home and then all the way back. One of the nurses husband was a fireman hens I found myself spending the night at the fire station. Now what does this say about me???
Now you know what they say about the LADIES that spend the night at the fire house...Don't ya just love the gosip...Now the RN stated make sure you keep this on the down low...AHhhh yeah she was telling everyone that I stayed at the fire house. How can you keep a secret in a town that has one high school...It never fails I am always trouble...trouble is my middle name. Hey I slept in the back room by myself.....with all the fire gear on is that wrong???

Dr. Oz on Oprah...

So I was watching Oprah, Dr. Oz stated that if you drink red wine that it turns on an anit-aging process. Well, let me tell you that is all I needed...
I am going to be young forever cause I believe in drinking the wine...
He also stated that Liver cod oil was good for you..
I am having a hard time with this only because when I was a young girl my Ma decided to lie to us and say that she was making fried chicken when really it was Liver in a battered surprise. Didn't she know that I was going to be a medical detective and I could never fall for that trick...
Ma I say just drink some wine, cause I can't take the liver cod oil....

Let's get a new mamma....

So, I have been watching one of thoughts shows that change "the mommy" for a week and then get 50.000 dollars...
I say to Engineer guy...Let's audition for the show so that we can get a new mommy for the week..
Coarse I didn't know who we would send to be the new mommy for the other people. Could we send the kid to be the new mommy? He is kind of spoiled and we never make him cook...So, I am not sure that will be a good idea. We can't send my mother because I'm not sure she that she can handle other people's children. She can hardly handle my sister's children and that is after she is pre-medicated. We can't send Engineer guy because he refuses to be the mommy for other people.
I ask him maybe we can send your mother what do you think? He says he doesn't think that she will go for it. So, I guess that we will not be auditioning for the show..Me I am not grown up enough to be on tv and be a mommy to other people's children...

Did I mention that...

Did I mention that I have a growth growing on the side of my neck...
It's not an abcess, but a pesky little pimple that never seems to go away..
I squished it this morning only to have little success of getting anything out of it and it is red and swollen...
Imagine that...I have used every pimple remover on the market but nothing seems to help...
I am left to only pretend that I do not see it in hopes that it will see that it no longer bothers me and goes away...

Did I mention that I have decided to get a personal trainer...
I hate working out, but know that it is something that I have to do because I am aware that gravity will take it's toll on my butt and promptly help it drag the ground. Plus what would Oprah think if if she ever met me and my butt was draggin the ground...and there is my reputation to think about... I am hoping that the trainer is really good looking so that I have something to look forward too when I work out...

Did I mention that my Uncle has dragon shoes that he wears when he does out..My Aunt calls it that because every time he goes out his friends drag him back into the house...

Is that so wrong??

I have often told my patients, I know this whole getting old thing is pretty unfair...
There's no instructions on how to get old...
But I say that when I get old I am going to have big blue or purplish-pink hair, wear blue eyeshadow with long fake eyelashes and pink pink lipstick...I am going to feel-up all young guys butts and then claim that I am old and I don't know what I am doing...maybe I'll even have a grandchild around to back-up my story...
Is that so wrong?

So, I have been reading this book...

I know your shocked that I actually read books...
I only really read when I am working out to distract my mind of the pain of the work out...
I have always read to zone out when working out. I hate to work out it is just apart of my life style if I want to keep my butt under control if you know what I mean...You know I have to keep my known T &A... reputation...
Well, the book is about " What my past relationships with women have taught me"... a fabulous Idea if you ask me....and then I begin to think about what I have taught the men that have dated me...
Oh how I feel for them...
You could say that when I was younger I wasn't exactly the nicest girl out there...
I got married very young because I thought you couldn't get out of Arkansas if you didn't get married and have a child. I quickly decided after I had my child that I didn't really like the married life due to the limitation that it imposed on me. So, I left and started busting my arse to get though college and have a life of my own that I could be proud of. I did happen to date one guy 5 yrs younger than me after my divorce. 5 yrs later I know I must have messed him up somehow although we are still friends and I have limited contact with him due to my loyaly to Engineer guy.
So, after reading the book I felt a little guilty but then I thought it is all about the learning process. I had to go though all of what I did in order to be where I am today.
So, tell me what you have taught the men in your life or tell me what the women have taught you in your life...

cramps...are the pits....

If I have cramps I must tell everyone and let them be as miserable as I am..WTF?
While I was working today minding my own business caring for patients telling them about my uncle that married his step sister (Arkansas is all I can say) when she was 15 and he was 20yr. My lower quadrant bilaterally decided to turn against me and cause me pain. How dare my body decide to cause me pain when I am clearly trying to save lives...I mean really. What kind of shitniz it that? I think I am going to go on strike against my lower quadrant. Can you do that? And and I have been in the pisser about 20 million times daily. I mean I am a water drinker and all but this is just ridiculous. So my medical mind goes wild and thinks about all the things that could be wrong with me...Diabetes insipitus (I just might die) ...My ovaries seem to be mad at me..I have been giving the vag plenty of loving from Engineer guy so I can't imagine why they are turning against me... Engineer guy handles business almost every night...Is that normal? The vag seems to be happy, she never complains and really tells me that she enjoys hanging with Engineer guy peni... so what is the deal??? Oh that Eve....why why did you have to eat the apple???

I think you can die from bordom...

I know that I shouldn't complain about staying home and having free time to do what ever I please but I can't seem to get the bordom out of me....

I have gone out with friends...

Okay that is another story all together..

What is it with rich drunk people that get on your nerves...

Okay so my nails aren't manicured...I freakin work in an ER my hands arn't that perddy because I wear gloves all day and wash them 20 million times to cut down on infection transmission..shoot me why don't ya.

In attempts to amuse myself I have given myself a facial...okay not really I did put on a mask to tone my face. I have talked to my son several times today but he is only interested in watching disney TV the nerve of him. It is like I am not cool to hang out with why I can't imagine why any 13yr. boy wouldn't like to hang out with his mother.

I'm Bored

Sheesh...Summer time in the desert is not very busy for registry nurses hence I have been home all week on the couch watching ever FBI file show imaginable, every investigative show on finding murderers, robbers and rapists; Still bored. This usually entertains me and gives me hours of nonstop techniques just in case I ever want to go undercover as as an FBI agent or maybe even a CIA agent.(totally possible) Not to mention the fact that something is wrong with my computer and I am convinced B@#$ B&^ is keeping my computer and down loading all the naked pictures of myself that I have collected over the years...(only pure art people I swear) and father that is just a joke okay.
What can I do with myself? What to do I think as I twiddle my thumbs? The kid is like a never ending eating machine and I can only cook and clean so much before I start to lose my mind. I have a secrete to tell all of you...I know I know...If I don't work on a regular basis I start to get anxiety, like I will not have enough money to feed the kid or pay my bills. This has been a life long problem for me due to the fact that I grew up poor, and I might just have a slight case of neurosis, but I know that you all can keep a secrete.
So, I have only been able to access the Internet when "Engineer guy" get home were I trample him and jump on his laptop. It is like I am shut off to the world. I can't stand it and to make matters worse the company fixing my computer is going to take another several days to fix and then I must find the back up disks to get all the windows stuff...Oh like I really know where thoughts are. What kind of woman do they think I am...I am not a filer of important information. I never expected my computer to turn against me in the first place and I surly can't figure out how to put all that stuff back on it. I am scratching my head asking them why they didn't back up that information don't they know that I am computer illiterate. The very reason I took the computer to the Geek squad in the first place...Ain't they supposed to have all the answers, how dare they.
So, now I am bored awaiting Engineer guy to get home so I can pump him with questions about he work day. Another thing you might not know about me is that I have a rule that when I am off from work I can't leave the house until after 2:oopm. It is blazing hot here 115 degrees I am trying to fight the aging process here so I don't want to expose my already tan skin to more UVB rays. I am left with not thing to do but torture the kid...."Your lips are dry you need to drink more water" " kid I need to read random stuff from the book"Why do Men have Nipples" in order to school him why people urine smells when they eat asparagus. This only entertains me for about a half an hour when i find out that he is really interested in belly button lint.
Thankfully I am meeting some co-workers out tonight for dinner to discuss my changing of Careers. Wish me luck and please hope that I work tomorrow before the kid and Engineer guy put me out of the house.

Random &#!+ from my couch...

Not much going on this week except for talking with my girlfriend several times a day on the phone and sitting, laying on the couch.
I think that you can exercise from the couch if you have wieghts...I am testing that theory, so far it hasen't worked but I am hopeful....
It is true I have been in a funk this week due to my recent events however I am not going to let the haters win...I refuse. So, while sitting on the couch today I flashed my boobs to the construction workers behind my house. They actually gave me a 10 for style and a 10 for size...
Well, you know what I wanted to do with that information...I wanted to take a picture of the hard working construction workers and send it to the haters at work...
Thanks for your support blog BFF's

Changing my life cause I can't change me...

I hate growing pains...
I mean when I was pregnant with the kid there were all kinds of growing pains. First of all my once flat tummybegan to enlarged with strech marks deeper than the grand canyon, it was like having an alien inside me for 10 months...again my body has changed forever...but I am sure that I would due it again in a heartbeat just to have that darn kid.
I have been thinking about re-eventing myself like Madonna has so many times in the past years. Can I leave nursing all together? I think I can if I can't get away with the pettiness of the hospital nurses.
Does anyone have any suggestions...
I thought about being a stripper but I am really to old for that...
I thought about being an accountant, but I can't do math very well...
I thought about being Mike Roug in "Dirty jobs" but I can't deal with all the crazy crap he has to do I am not good at manual labor...
I thought about becoming a truck driver so that I could cuss on a regular basis and no one would even back an eye...
I thought I could be a professsional wine taster but I don't think they pay your for that...I think you have to pay the wine people...
I know that I would be good at any job that I required me to sit on the couch..
I thought about writting a book but that takes time and knowing me I would try to write on the couch and watch TV at the same time. Procrastination at its best.

Dealing with the not so nice people of the world...

Several months ago I went to work where I promptly heard that the night charge nurse called me T & A...( I hear that that means titties and ass) how dare her say such a thing about me behind my back, but not to my face...By the way they all call her the Beast behind her back... but I only said you have nice titties too...sheesh..
Now while I find this mostly a compliment...I happened to go to a Christian college and I have a BSN and I feel like my job is a unprofessional professional job...
What is a girl to do...If I know too much and I have big boobs apparently the some nurses are offended...
How can that be?
My main concern are the patients that I take care of and trying to facilitate a team environment... and where has that got me...just down to the T & A????
You see there are a shortage of nurses not because nursing is hard but because nurses that really care about their patients and tend to be there advocate are made examples of...harsh words to be said about a nurse that really cares and that also might work out on a regular basis and might not smoke due to her very duty of living life as they preach...
While I might not be upset of my best girlfriends use my boobs as party favors I would like it if my professional life didn't include a description of my boobs...they are big they can't be hidden I have even bought scrubs that are like 2 times bigger for me so that my boobs don't take over the show...
Women why do you have to be so mean...I'm such a loving person...I know that my blog friend women are nothing like the women that I work with but I am rethinking my job as a nurse....how can this be????

My idea of a vacation...

I am on my way home from a 3day vacation..
Most people's idea of a vacation would not require their butt to be in a saddle for 3 hours a day and having a really biggg horse between their legs..but that is just me..
I am leaving the country and I was so sad to leave this morning sure I was in potato land..idaho..in moreman land Utah...
But I was free, with the wind blowing through my hair..
The horse flies large as bats biting at my horse and at my neck...Damn blood suckers.
I can barely walk without a deep soreness in my haunches.
I am happy sore or not..
and you should have seen my kid on the horses...he was the shiznizil

I'm not dead I swear..

Sorry about being MIA...
Engineer guys family is in town and I have been working like a mad woman...
I started a blog the other day that entitled Life with out AMie...but then thought that I might sound as if I am famous in my own mind which of coarse all of you that know me is aware of this very image that I have of myself...of coarse with out all the money and I have to admit most famous people do not have their fingers in places where the sun doesn't shine..AkA vagignas...old balls...
If fact I was talking to Rob RN about his family as we often like to discus all of their wonderfully crazy behavior and wondered why most families were not like ours...
Rob's family are great loving people but his father often like to torture the famly by arriving in the living room in a wife beater and underware that has long left the stages normal wear and tear...some would even call them dead...So he tells me the otyher day his brother went to visit the family and his father appeared in the living room in all his splender with his balls haning out...
No one even blinked an eye ; apparently this is normal behavior for his...then we were discussing if he had long blall hair hanging out too...( I know this is how I amuse myself) He said, Amie his ball hair has long left him like the hair on top of his head...and then it came to me...
Do men lose ball hair like they lose hair on their head...
At least he didn't have to go through the stages of pub hair turning grey...
I think most men these days just shave their balls or is that jsut my family where by my sister tells me how she shaves her husbands ball hair in the shower...
And you wonder what is wrong with me....
I am on my way to the land of the dead...but I will catch up tonight on everyone...
I miss you all...

Chronicals of love...

Still not sure what is going on at my house...
First things first:

Usually I like to talk about the little things that make me laugh in life...
Like the time I got shat on at 6 in the morning by a patient and the male nurse helping me got poo on his forehead. After all isn't life supposed to be about the little things that bring us happiness? Like this blog I started it after I broke up with Paramedic Guy...Ohhh paramedic guy...You know that it is bad when you are talking to one of the nurses that you work with and simultaneously you say, " I bet my fire medic story is better than yours". Then, I was still in nursing school a little naive and didn't know that the firefighters like to shall we say spread the lovein. These days when fire brings us patients we stick to the basics, we give them $#!+, take report and them boot em out.

So Engineer guy and I went shopping this weekend for a new couch and a bed and dresser for me. We had fun looking at at all the different couches and beds. I have moved into his house as you know but I'm not sure it was really what he wanted. I'm not sure how relationships are supposed to go. But he reminded me that at the end of the summer he is going to move into the bedroom that I have all of my stuff in maybe a hint that I need to find my own place. My mind is De boggled. I am not sure how a relationship continues on after you live with someone and then move out. It seems weird to me. It is like he plans his future without me being in it... right in front of me. I know that when he was talking to me about his plans for the future of his place he didn't mean to hurt my feelings but it makes me wonder what am I doing. I hate living in lingo out of boxes and my heart is heavy. I'm not sure that I will ever get this love thing right.

Legend...Ohhh Trisian Just come home...

I think there should be a sport called laying on the couch and watching TV. I am notoriously known for eating, drinking, showering and even having sexual relations whilst parked front and center on the couch. When Engineer guy goes out of town I become even more competitive with myself...pushing the limits to what can be done whilst my butt is on the couch. Why I have even shaved my feet on the couch. No worries I let the dead skin fall to the ground and then I promptly vacuumed them up...still on the couch.

I know some of you might think that this whole sporting event (that I have made up in my mind) might seem sloth-like but I assure you that I am not lazy; I prefer to call it procrastinationalistic at its best. I think I might have even won an award for procrastination, but as rumor might have it ...I didn't attend the ceremonies due in largely by my need to lay on the couch.

Where do you ask did I learn such techniques? Of coarse from the master herself...Ma. She never needed to leave the couch because she tortured Me into doing all the chores that she refused to do from the couch. At least I have some kind of drive... at least I vacuum. I actually believe procrastination is a X dominate trait passed down from generations to generations. My sister it seems too is also inflicted with this trait; however she has 4 kiddos to do all her errands, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. Those kids I tell you what they are efficient. The last time I went to her house I was told by the MP that I could not drive on base ...so my middle niece at 5 yrs old had to drive me around...

So, whilst Engineer guy is out of town next week I will be permanently parked front and center on the couch. I'll pull out my porno Legend of the falls...and say out loud...Ohhhh Tristan come back to me I know I can heal your broken heart. Man I love that move...

PMS isn't that a B!+@#

According to my PMS regulator that I wear on my badge I am at high amount of hormones currently...
So, please excuse me this week if I sound a little B!+@#%...
Ever just have thoughs days where you have a random hair on your chin and you spend hours trying to pick it off your chin...
Or have you ever had thoughs days that you ask your self why do I care really...
I wish sometimes that I had a heart of tin or stone so that my heart would not care as much but much to my brains distern I can not help that feeling of caring about others...
You you can imagine when I uncovered a man tonight with a oxegen hose up his peni...
Tears to my eyes as I try and make him feel comfortable...
Alone and trying not to feel a burning pain to his leg he became hopeless...
This is why I say take my mind before my body starts to give..
He was a sweet man and I did what I could do...
I'm not sure I will not ever be able not to care..
and this is apart of what is wrong with me...

Me at five years old..oh how things change....

A day and a life of me...
up at 9:00 am and then off to work by `1400 (2:00 pm)...
2 Gun Shot Wounds at the same time...
We are not a trauma center and we have to fly these people out!!
my fingers in some 90 ish old womans vagina..
2 MVA at the same time...again fly these young boys out!!
One trauma with a nose that has been removed from a young mans face...Send him to a trauma center...yell at the paramedic..this guy is a trauma get your monitor and he is on a back board in c-spine precations..handle it...they think I am mean..
no I am just serious...this kid could die of shock...
Giving pain drugs that are ten times stronger than morphine IV..
starting an IV on a 6 week old baby in respritory distress..
leaving at 4:00 am..
Molesting Engineer guy...he is a team player...
Then up again to do it all over again..
and you wonder why I am not normal???

You know you are tired when...

You know you are tired when you wake up with a peanut butter sandwich half eaten smashed to the side of your face...
oh and you have to wash the sheets before Engineer guy gets home...
I hope he doesn't read this..

I'm crazy I have finally accepted it...

I am so tired, I mean my new shift at work is 2 pm to 2 am. I know they are out to get me...
Some one is trying to torchure me... I think they are plotting against me...I feel like I should be wearing a letter A on my scrub top. Maybe they think I am a witch or something. I feel like Deme More in the movie "Letter A "(totally not a bad thing right althought the film got bad ratings) I wouldn't mind being her you got to love her hair and she is married to a younger guy, but I heard that he has a small peni...not so good. No you can work with it I think or so I have heard. Maybe he is really good at massaging stuff if you know what I mean. Engineer guy doesn't have that problem so I wouldn't really know I am just guesstimating. ( father I am a virgin I swear, I only see peni at work and let me tell you is isn't pretty). There is nothing pretty about old balls with grey pubs that hang to the ground. Did I just say that out loud, for get that I said that. Moving on I know you all think I have an obsession with peni and I do but can you just accept it and just give me the love. I mean really I am forced to wear the letter A for goodness sakes. Is that wrong? So I have to admit something yes I am p#@@* I moved in with Engineer guy. I know I know I think that he was having Chest pain when I was moving stuff in but he is the love of my life and although it is just for a couple of months I went against the man and hung up my painting in the front room. He is in Vegas right now so he is not aware of my decorations. I just think that he doesn't want me to take over his house, however I thought that if I flashed him my boobs when he gets to the house he won't even notice the painting...What do you think?
The first part of recovery is acceptance...and as my Mother always says all you got to be is pretty...and you wonder what is wrong with me??

Thoughts I ponder...

I wonder if I have broken the world record for "times in one day a person can flush the toilet. "

Seriously I have to pee every five minutes...

and to make that worse Engineer guy's toilet seems to be the new battle of my life. The very dame of my existence...

I think his toilet is plotting against me or something because it knows that poo is the Nemesis of my life.

I mean really shouldn't you just have to flush it once and all the continence should just magically disappear right? Is that too much to ask for I mean really I do turn on mood music and candle lights but nothing helps.

Wrong not when you use his toilet. It seems like you have to stand there and keep your fingers on the flusher for eternity and then maybe just then you will get lucky and it will swirl all of the water down the drain...

except for small pieces of salad you ate the night before...

Go figure?

Life is suppost to be a beach right?

First I would like to say that I am wearing granny panties right now while writing this blog...
Ahhh I wish my life was like a beach. My life then would be practical I would know what to expect. You know the tide would come in everyday and the tide would go out. The best part of that is that the moon would really be my boss of sorts. I wouldn't have control of the fish that pooped in my water, but I know that I wouldn't have to obsess about the bacteria because I would also have fish that ate poop...life would then be grander right??
I have often told Engineer guy that I love him to the deepest end of the ocean till the very last grain of sand and it is true. Communication is not our strong point I have to say and well I am down right stubborn at times and so is he. What I ask you bloggers is what the key to life? I have search long and hard for it but till it evades me. I mean really shouldn't there be some kind of training coarse that we go though in life that prepares us for relationships?Don't you concur? No matter how hard I try and stick to my guns and I have some big ones...guns that is ...okay I have big boobs too...which sometimes causes me trouble but that is a whole other story I will get to sometime soon. Relationships are hard they can be difficult; personally I would choose to go though life without feelings but that I know is no way to live..Damn it Jim I have gone so soft. I guess it is my old age that has cause me to give a s#!+ these days. Tonight more talks about the future...love and the pursuit of happiness. Until then I am wearing granny panties so I don't have pull them out of my crack!

Times are a changing...

First, I would like to start off saying that I have made some mistakes these pasty 3 months that may change the coarse of my life forever. However I have been a woman that first totally freaks out, but then reverts back to my military roots; and tends to pull my self up my boot straps with my loving but crazy family at my side...Having said that I have been through worse times and when one door closes the other door opens... I am optimistic even thought I have probably shed enough tears to flood a lake...I take full responsibility I am human that is fallible as all of us are...
Rules of engagement..
Ruloilo 1: Never Never leave any man behind even if you are not sure that you can drag them out of danger or stop the bleeding...
It has come to my attention that my actions over the last several months (and I am not talking about cheating here) are too much for Engineer guy to handle. I can understand He is just trying to protect his heart. I can be pretty harsh at times coming from a military back-round, and I am pretty sure he is really not ready for responsibility of and "even if" relationship with me that is. So, I have decided to move forward and move into a place of my own. I guess when you make mistakes that you have to pay for the consequences and I am ready to do that although it sometimes is a hard pill to swallow.
Rule 2: My sister and I are BFF but we still have some sibling rivalry between us at times. My family is not normal, but who's family really is. What I can say about them...
In the line of fire they come though with their Amarillo sapotos (yellow shoes) on and will fight for the death of you. My Ma was like this," I can talk all the S#!+ about my children but anything said bad about them she would pull your wig off" A true story. My mother in her younger years happen to pull of the wig off a woman that thought she could take my 5'0 ft 98 lb. Mother in a Bar. I guess Ma showed her. My sister you have to love her...She recently went to Washington DC were my Brother-in_law (FLEW IN FROM IRAQ HIS 3rd. TOUR) and gave a speech about communications. in DC After the party my sister and her mother-in-law decided it would be fun to drink 5 or 6 bottles of wine, where in then sister vomited on her ball room dress and found herself naked on the bed next to her Mother-in Law. Yep that is my sister...
I have no bad feelings...
I am happy to have had the time I have with Engineer guy...
It's time for me to do what is responsible... and with I thank you for listening...

Estava gone...

Estava gone..
Engineer guy is out of town this week and seems like I haven't seen him in forever since last week I was out of town and this week he is in california working and visiting with his brother.
So, I am moving out of my roomates house and into his house...
Kind of weird for both of us:
1: I almost live with him anyway..
2: I have really never lived with a man except for when I was young dumb and married.
3: This is a really big step for him because I a crazy woman due to the very nature of my job.
4: I stick my finger many days were the sun doesn't shine...I mean really I never thought would be touching so many men's peni. I seemed fixated on this very subject I know but like a car accident I can't pull myself away from this very subject.
5: And let me tell you it is a shocker the first time you see old balls...One of the nurses the other day was asking me if it is normal for them to hang so low??
6: How should I know? I am not a guy and I wasn't about to ask one of the Dr. althought they might have thought it intertaining.
7: A fun fact for you all Men when they get older get grey pubs..Why I had no idea untill I was in nursing school...
8: I think I might be a little scarded seeing all the naked people that I have seen in my years as a Nurse.
9: Engineer guy without a fault still wants to have sex with me even after he knows that I have been touching another men's peni...I mean I don't make them cough or anything...okay only one time but I had good reason, and the poor guy just kept saying baseball think about baseball..
10: is that wrong??? Can I just say that the parasympathetic nervous system causes errections and apparently so do I...a compliment I think..
11: Engineer guy's best friend got engaged and moved out last week. It was heart breaking to see how hurt he was since they have lived together for so long. My poor baby is just a guys guy and like to hang with the guys alot. But darn it women come in and take over and he has no choice but to accept change. It's hard growning up...
12: We do live together well since I am a couch potato and usually lay in bed watching tv on my days off...I know i am exciting what can I say, but my job keeps me in fighter flight most of the time so I am just mentally drained as well as physically.
13: I am not complaining really just a little venting and a little lonely this week. I am so soft these days. What happen to the harded girl that could handle anything that was a wild horse and could not be in a commited relationship. Some of the poor guys I have dated. I just kept them so far away from me I think they thought I was like a man. No feelings just fun. However, these days I am hanging in there to couplehood because Engineer guy is such a good man...very handsome...smart.. and sexually chocolate...How can you beat that with a stick...
14: Well off to work tonight seems like i have been talked into working a 4pm to 12 am shift I am such a sucker...
15: I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's day all you mother's out there Rock on!!!

I am reminded...

Blogger's United...
This is where we all put our fists in the air and say turn that frown up-side down!!
I received a comment that reminded me that things could always be worse!!!
and that even thought things might seem dismal, even bleak; even things might seem as if everyday I might have to give a soap suds enema...
You can always just lube up with the J/Y and hope for oranges...
and so this too shall pass!!!
Today I turn things around. I am reminded that President Lincoln tried approximately 11 times (please don't quote me on that one my history is rusty) to become President before finally winning and becoming one of the quintessential Men of our day. He even had wooden teeth; I am assuming that was a good thing.
and just so you know J/Y jelly is good for many things other that it's intended use..
Yes...a trial by fire!!!
Thanks blog land...

This picture describes my life....

There was a photo of a man on a beach laying on his side with his testicals hangin out however I was unsuccessful at plublishing this picture...I am not sure why...so
until then you all are going to have to use your imagination!


In a nutt shell..Okay so maybe his nutt is not in a shell..Life, Liberty, and the pursue of happiness is what we all aspire to attain, but what makes us happy??For many years I have not given myself an option for failure. Failure, I repeat has not been an option, but as I would chose not to see it (because denial always has worked bestfor me) I have have done the almost impossible...Admission of failure to myself and some of the people that I love..I would love to go through life hard as a rock, solid in my own mind but I am no longer that Super woman that I was in kindergarden that my mother worked so hard to sew for me...I am indeed a woman that has some problems that I must face...How do you deal with making mistakes in your life I ask you old faithful readers of mine...I would like to of coarse talk about the last succces of my life the baseball size abcess that I... I &D'ed. I would love to talk about the yellow, green serioussangous fluid that oozed from the laceration that I inflicted, but even that story doesn't cheer me up...Tell me fellow bloggers...how have you successfully dealt falling short....P.S. I hope you enjoyed the pic of the day!!!

It's Official..I had to draw in my eyebrow

It's official...
and some un-offical rules:

A: I have finally become full on cholla (slang for Mexican girl born is USA or that grew up in east LA and hung out at echo park)(hey I don't make up the slang I am just trying relay the Mexican slang code as much as I can interpret myself)

or

B: I have turned into my mother.

Either way I look at it; it is like I have crossed some right of passage that most Mexican girls do when they are fifteen. The family throws a huge party that can be really tachy (as evidence of all the plastic flowers and not even the good kind that can fool the eye; the party is really expensive called a Quinceanera.Every girl wears a dress with fluffy pink shoulders that burry any sign of life and a princess train that is so cumbersome that one is unable to sit all night.I have actually seen girls fall over due to the sheer force of the Quinceanera dress. A force that was beyond the control of the matriarchal women in the family. It's like the ghost that is passed on from generations to generations. Most Mexican families swear that they have had a ghost living in their basement at one time or the other.

On my white Dad's side of the family (I am sorry should I have said the political term for white, Okay redneck side of my family came from Arkansas.)They also had a right of passage at fifteen. It was called, "Oh $#!+ I'm pregnant with my step-brothers child I better get married or my Dad is going to kill me" (a true story by the way)

So you ask yourself what could cause this right of passage. I was grooming my face 2 days ago when I accidently shaved off half of my eyebrow. $#!+ (my grandmothers favorite word in english). Now what do I do? I am perplexed how could I let this happen. So what did I do?

Like any Cholla girl would do I drew them on with a eyeliner stick. I was hoping by the end of the day that my new black eyebrows would not smug off, but I was unsuccessful at that endever. So with my smugged eyebrows I looked into the mirrow only to find that I looked like my Mother. Yikes I screamed.

Oh my mother is a beautiful woman at the age of 45 (the age she admits too), But she seems to get stuck in certain decades. I like to say that her eyebrows (think Pamela Anderson) are round and very thin and for years she drew them in... plucking them till they were almost not there. The 70's decade that she is not willing to let go off. Then there is the 80's decade that her permed hair is unwilling to leave with the bangs and all...

So you can see my delema. So, I drew black eyeliner on my lips filled the rest of my lips in with red lipstick. I am hopping that Engineer Guy is into my new look!

It's Official..

Ever go to work....

Sh!+ that plagues my mind...

1. Ever go to work with next day hair??

a) yes, my hair did look a bit unmanaged to put it politely: I have over active sebaceous glads! Gosh (it was oily)

b)To my defence 0430 AM comes about really fast...

2. Even more troublesome ever go to work with 2Nd. day eyeshadow...

a)Why I was still sparkle girl at 0430 AM I figured why not keep it that way I'd be extra fresh..


b) No worries I washed up the Vagina parts including and the ever so left out at times the anus and the underarms of course...Not that I ever forget but lets just say it run into it a time or too on the job..

c) Hey I don't look at every anus that walks though the door of the hospital Just the Dirty ones fall into my care...

3. Ever get to work and feel the urge to Poop?

a) you have no idea how troublesome this is to me...

b) half of the time I lie to myself Most of the time I have convinced myself that I never do #2.

c) I hate it when this happens and I am forced to will myseld into thinking that I don't have to poop!

The cure to all this photop is to drink two glasses of wine and remember to take an Aspirin in the morning..
Just telling it like it is :)

Things to ponder?

1. My mother found my sister's vibrator in the closet when she was helping my sister move!
2. My sister who is married with 4 children, Called me and said," I can't believe Mom found my vibrator...She acted like she didn't see it , but she might-as-well have hit me with the bible"
3. I told my sister to remember the Catholic Girl Code, If you act like it didn't happen then It really didn't happen.
4. Which brings me to my next fun fact to ponder....Why ohhhh why do men stick 60 watt light bulbs up there back end?? I mean really don't they worry that the light bulb might break??
5. They come to the ER and they know that we are going to do an x-ray they only admit to it after there is proof?? More things to ponder...
6. When I was 23 yrs old I went to the GYNO for my yearly pap smear. I always choose a male Dr. that is the oldest fart I can find so that he is conservative... and has probably seen it all but is past his time of caring to much about seeing everything... and I hate the boob checks...
Disclaimer: I think it is very important to check your breast every month...
But doesn't is seem funny to have your Dr. who reminds you of your grandfather checking your boobs..."I was like is it normal for the Dr. to pinch and squeeze your nipples??" My mother assured me that it was part of the exam...
7. I was really dumb back then and I thought that it was normal...Then then He asked into his office and proceeded to ask me if I was being safe... and if I had put anything up in my stuff that should have not been there???
8. What??? I had no idea what he was talking about and I turned bright red with embarrassment..
9. Next came the exam....Gosh I was so dumb
10. He had the nerve to stick his finger in my back end...
11. Again I asked my mother if this was normal?? and she said yes....
12. And you wonder what is wrong with me???

just a quick note before I work...

Heading the land of the brave nurses...sheeesh..county
Did I really say that I wanted to be a nurse...just kidding!!!
Well, just for a quick note..my gayboyfriend says he is not cheating on me but we will see..
He does like alot of attention...okay so..do I what am I talking about???
I am heading to Engineer guy's house tonight for dinner..
He we have had some troubles but hopefully he can weather the time with me...
I really do love him...
I made him go to the foot doctor...
It kills me to see him hurt in any mannor...including the pain that I have inflicked on him...
So, Love just know that I am thinking of you...
Oh and all my peeps..too...
check you all out when I get home.....interested in what you have to say...
Hopefully I will not have to see to naked people today...but that is no promise....
take care...again...thanks for stick with me...all of you...keeps my spirtit up!!!
CongrandS one the 5 lbs. Micheal...I know your heart is happy...and so am I!!!!

Why is my life so complicated....

I swear that my life is like a trashy romance novel...
Having a gay boyfriend is very demanding especially when he threatens to cheat on you with another nurse...
and the other nurse happens to have a crazy drama life of her own...
Why me??
I find my self in the most particular situations...
You see loyalty is very important to me...I don't want to tell my gay boyfriend why he should not be involved with this particular nurse...and well why would he want to cheat on me anyway..I mean I get all of his jokes....I am not put off because his mother wants him to eat her barnacles off her feet...His Brother answers the door stark naked...with spray bottles everywhere with various cleaning agents....No, I am not turned off...in fact I find it funny....
Besides she has told me personal things in strick confidence...
Where do I draw the line....
Why me??
Here is what I am finding out nurses are crazy...strait up just crazy anything and everything can happen and does...
I try to stay out of the mix but I can't help myself...
I wonder daily if I am going nuts too...worried about everyone and everything....
Life is a Battle field....
but my life is exciting so I can't complain to much....
and having a gay boyfriend is so great...It is all about the love...it is like having a girlfriend that always wants to talk to you about stuff...
I'm blessed...anyway I already told him...he's going to be wrecked up...He makes me laugh cause he gets me...and I get him...So gay boyfriend cheat on me if you want to but I warn you and you know that I am always right...just like I was right about hep C

Feeling much better...brighter days ahead of me no worries

Dear Peeps,
Thanks for all of your support...
Life is different now but I am better...
So, one of my nurse friends calls me the other day...
His mother is about 75 yrs. old, a kingdergarden teacher still and lives for the movie "Pirates of the Carribean"
She leaves him a message...
Rob I'm taking a bath right now (mind you the very thought of her taking a bath is just wrong) and so anywho she says, "I'm taking a bath right now and I am washing the barnicals off my feet do you want to eat them??"
I swearr...I thought I was going to die of a laughing coniption...
And he says to me and you wonder why I am an ER nurse???

I'm still breathing that is all that matters!!!

Hey all...yes I am still a live Resperations equal and unlabored.
My heart has beening going though a lot of changes but I am strong and i will survive...
I am moving from my 500 sq feet apartment so I will not have internet access for a week or so...but I will Q you all into how things come all out..
Until then I am spending some much needed time with my friends that love me and my sister..
I think of you all often and do not want to fail you...more peni stories to come I promise..and maybe even some vagingna stories too!!!

When is it time...

We all have thoughts days in our life when we ask ourselves is it time...

You know like when you go into labor and it is 0300 am in the morning and you lie to your Doctor and tell him the contractions are 5 M-I-N-I-T-E-S apart...
Not really they just feel like they are!! an your body tells you it is not time.

Or when Your Mother calls at 1000 pm at night and talks about her Period again...Ummmm
I hate to tell you Mother but at 53 yrs. old ""Cough"" I mean 40 yrs. Old...
"Your going though the change in life"...Gosh I hate it when she uses thoughts words...
and then you think is it really her time??? No pun indented on the color of thoughts words...

Or when your boyfriend no longer cares if he puts the tomatoes in the salad...
Oh I know I am not always the lovable girl I portray in blog land..I have had my moments...
But when do you know that it is time to though in the towel, When to give up red meat...
I think it is when your heart is broken and there is nothing that can fix it but time...
No, worries all I know that I have my blog friends to keep me feeling as if I somewhat famous in my mind... but it will be hard...and it already is..
I guess the really hard thing to come to grips with is that I feel like he no longer loves me and that is a hard, harsh pill to swollow...and comon I give people potassium.."talk about horse pills"..

So, I ask myself and all of you when is it time??? When he no longer cares if tomatoes are in the salad???
xoxox
I'm okay just a little heart broken...

Having fun in the Virgin Islands..

Yep...you guessed it drinking again...Oh what fun!! But my eyes were closed so I decided not to torture myself and show you my crazy stare...tehee. For you Beth...Your my girl!!

At the beer festival

I'm not drunk yet...but we are getting there..I'm not so cute right here but Beth this boob pic is for you...Oh that is Engineer guy...No worries We took the bus home..

I'm Okay Really...No I don't want an x-ray..or a CT

OMGOSH...I got frigging hit in-between the eyes in the ER today I didn’t start the fight either…that is all I can really say… but I have an abrasion in-between my eyes on my nose and there is swelling…I had Engineer guy take a pic…I tell you what ! I know what it is like to think you need a nose job except no pain...I am in fighter flight my adrenalin is kicked up do to the work load today and the extremity of it all so I have no pain…Sheesh I couldn’t even use my UFC tech…A couple of weeks ago I almost had Engineer guy tap out cause I had all 200lbs and 6’3 ft in. in a head lock with my legs…He didn’t want to tap out cause I’m a girl…So I had to let go so he didn’t pass out…cause he almost did but I could not pass him out due to my Hippocratic oath that I took as a nurse to never due harm…Hey he started it…That is how we show each other love… we are country folk…West Virginia Need I say more!!!

Light as a feather stiff as a board...

Light as a Feather Stiff as a board...haven't we all play this game before!!

Well I recommend the book " Stiff ,by Mary Roach" due to the graphic nature of it all...I mean really...

Did you know according to this book that Necrophilia was not against the law untill 1979 when a woman was found in a hurst with a young dead boy!!!!

Okay you know I am full of the stories but this one takes the cake!! Icould not wait to get out the word!!!

This book is full of fun fact that are definately party favors!!!